I have a tendency to surround myself with people who are, I’d say, more accepting than average. Often these people have sick senses of humor and are even mistaken for horrible human beings when they try to be funny. It doesn’t happen often and there are no guarantees, but there is something indescribably sweet about the moment when I’m finally able to disturb these people.
This may give you some measure of perspective on why I am (usually) really, really not here to judge you when you send in confessions.
I had a gay male friend who showed me photos of a man he was in love with online. I wished him luck with that and asked if they intended to meet, and he said they could not, that he’d misrepresented himself to be a young, blonde female. He’d mined the internet for pictures of a young woman and used those to send to him. They would chat online and he said the man seemed madly in love, too. I’m an extremely permissive person, but I do believe in honesty, and I wished he’d not made this confession to me. I thought less of him for toying with the other man’s emotions, and his own.
Okay, not judging here but that’s pretty douchey. (I’m judging a little.)
The dude I sit next to at work every day is british, cocky as hell, makes me laugh despite myself and is a complete smarmy fuckin jerk. Like, Hugh Grant in Bridget Jones kind of smarmy jerk, but unattractive. And he makes my clit TINGLE. Every time he throws a pencil at me like a 5 year old boy (often) I get wet. I have despised him from the day I met him and all I want to do is hatefuck his brains out, even though he looks like the back of a bus and any such entanglement would be super impractical. Worst thing is, I’m seeing this beautiful man who is interesting and respectful and compatible with me in every way, but it’s this piece of slime that gets me going. whyyyyy
I’m going to go buy pencils to throw at people. That’s my take away on this one.
I am a moderate ephebophile, in the sense that I feel an attraction for post-pubescent girls. Most folks would call this a positive thing, but as illustrated in some movies, as you grow older it merely becomes creepy.
But that doesn’t change what a person’s attracted to. I like, and have always liked, the fruit borne of youth’s bloom. The late teenage years, while often leading to the most abhorrent personalities, can lend themselves to the more appealing appearances.
With this in mind, I have to confess; I have a serious fucking hardon for my wife’s sister. She’s of legal age, but physically she’s still carrying the teenage physique. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve masturbated to thoughts of running my hands along the backs of her thighs, curving up under and appreciating the curve of her buttocks. Or how I’ve wanted to trace the lines of a low cut shirt along the exposed skin of her b-cup breasts. (I won’t even get into my desire to see what her nipples look like.) Recent times it’s been images/thoughts of her stroking me off with a handy, or of her walking in on me while I come to a fluid-spraying orgasm.
I almost wish I could claim some kind of mutual tension, but alas, it’s fairly one sided. The first time I met her, she wasn’t wearing panties- I happened to catch her putting them on under her dress, whereas nobody else could see into that room. Thoughts of what she’d be doing previous to that are only fuel to a fire.
My wife knows, somewhat, and we try to pretend it’s not an issue.. but sometimes it bothers her, and sometimes I wonder if anyone catches me watching her. I don’t have to like her (sister) to want to fuck her, that’s for sure. Hell, I’d even settle for getting a good view of her tits one time if I had to..
“Most folks would call this a positive thing…” I mean. Is that true? I’m actually curious about this and not asking to be a jerk.
Dear QP, you know how sometimes you wake up and it’s still dark and you don’t know what the fuck’s going on? I seem to get that with a side of megafuckinghorny and don’t skip on the confusion, about once a month. So I will wake at say 4am, alone, and proceed to start attempting to suck my own cock. Brain gets no input. I am not well endowed but sometimes I manage by being very flexible. I’ve got to tell you, it’s not all it’s hyped to be: It’s difficult to ejaculate and I rarely orgasm because I’m too distracted with the ridiculous difficulty involved in arching your back in a circle, cramping my chest, holding my weight in the air… It’s really difficult to open your jaw wide enough in this position to not bite your own cock and the times when you miss ’cause you slip sideways suddenly… oh god the mess… and besides anything else it’s actually really hard to breathe properly when you’re trying to suck in all of your chest muscles at the same time. And then in the morning my back feels like someone used it to play dance-ej before practicing their pretzel-folding technique on me. And every time I wake and remember and curse and feel ashamed and swear it’ll never happen again.
I think it’s probably important to open here by telling you that I never know what the fuck’s going on. Anyway, don’t be ashamed, droog. Just maybe get a massage or something. Sounds like you’re putting yourself under some physical stress.
I’m submissive but I find tops who share my interests terrifying. For example, I don’t know how to accept that someone has fantasies about raping women and that being okay, despite the fact that I have fantasies about being raped and I’m pretty solid on that being okay.
I feel so hypocritical, and I don’t want to hurt my partner who has trusted me with this vulnerability, but I am just so freaked out by them now.
Unless my guess is wrong, I think it might be helpful to talk to a top who has fantasies about raping women, and maybe does rape play, and is also a normal, kind, mentally sound person. And, the important part, is someone you have no intention of ever having any kind of sex or BDSM play with. In my experience, we often interpret our partners’ desires more personally than our friends’ or even strangers’. Probably because they have the potential to affect us so much more.
I’d find some people to talk to on Fetlife if there were no easy, tactful way to poll my male friends. Or, more realistically, when I polled them in the most uncomfortable, smarmy way possible and they all turned out to not have rape fantasies.
I watched that viral video of the Texas judge beating his daughter. I was turned on. I stayed aroused even though I heard her screaming and crying and read about how she was disabled. It felt horrible.
Most of the erotica I read has a lot of plot elements in common with that video, and would definitely count as child abuse / spousal abuse / rape (if there’s sex after the spanking), etc. Because of this, and because I’ve spent so much time reading about and marinating in the philosophy of corporal punishment within BDSM, I observe that my brain fails to distinguish that from corporal punishment in the real world, even when I think hard about how the victims are nonconsenting kids or about how the punishment is excessive. It’s like I’m psychologically incapable of forming an unbiased opinion on the issue of whether to spank kids, in a much deeper way than my usual ”Oh, I’m not qualified to have an opinion on that” when it comes to things like obscure economic policies.
I don’t know what to think or what to do next.
I have no idea what video you’re talking about, and it sounds very sad and upsetting. But truthfully, you really can’t control what turns you on. You can’t. It isn’t possible. You can only control your actions. And the less ethical your turn-ons, the more vigilant you must be about controlling your actions. One small part of that is keeping in mind that you may have a very biased perspective on what turns you on, and acting accordingly.
For what it’s worth, I think it’s brave you admitted that.
Confess things appalling, sexy, neither, or both here!