Here’s a list of the various lovelies, friends, sexual partners, and nemeses from my life that I mention in this blog. Feel free to believe that these are their real given names.
Aldo Melastophilus: A friend I tried to date. Great guy, bad timing. He is a karaoke tour de force, though.
Clifton Overmangle: Describing Clifton, the terms young, virginal, and obsessed with assplay come to mind. Yes, really.
Crispin Hijanx: A totally awesome, totally platonic male friend whom I have totally stripped for.
Daphne Miel: My gay (well, pansexual), glowing first-ever girlfriend. An androgynous, whimsical pixie who brought out my sentimental side. Yes, I have one. No, you can’t see it. We dated for nearly a year.
Edwin Pomble: I often feel that I accidentally dated Edwin. For four years. Really it’s more accurate to say I was just chickenshit, and wouldn’t break up with him.
Eloise Chestlegrinn: Longtime friend and partner in checking out hot chicks. Now happily married to her gorgeous wife and living several states away from me.
Laramy Fuquerton: Cynical, geeky, and man pretty, Laramy is the proud owner of one of my favorite penises ever. We were dating when I started this blog, and had an excellent run.
Miriam Spiralti: Dear friend since high school, and a very wise woman.
Oren Regardie: My just-about-equally-evil twin and boyfriend. If we’d chosen to join forces as criminal masterminds instead of lovers we’d surely own your city by now, and would probably have started negotiations for your soul. Married to Poppy.
Penelope Svelterwald: Penelope is the first girl I had sex with. She is really, devastatingly easy on the eyes. I’ve never had a sexual encounter that involved so much giggling, which is part of what makes the memory so sweet.
Piers Vitiard: Piers Vitiard raped me on our second date.
Poppy Regardie: If fairies exist in human form, Poppy was born one of them. Then she married my boyfriend Oren well before he was my boyfriend. Then she became one of my best friends.
Reginald Sleeth: My first boyfriend. I dated Reginald on and off during some very impressionable years. It didn’t go particularly well. There was bruising.
Rowan Sharqtipus: Rowan and I had our share of friendly sexual adventures. And dancing adventures. And talking for hours adventures.
Rudyard Flicksnake: At my first BDSM play party, Rudyard made me swoon with his clever knives and Indiana Jones-like whip skills. I’ve also watched him make non-me people every shade of red, purple, and ouchy using other implements, so you know he’s versatile.
Viola Sharqtipus: As the first girl I ever fucked without an audience, Viola holds a special place in my heart. Being gorgeous and talented doesn’t hurt her cause either.