quizzical pussy

I don’t know how widely known this is in general, but it’s worth noting that people sexually attracted to more than one gender (let’s call them bisexuals for brevity) get dumped on a little bit. Not enough for me to call myself oppressed or anything, but it’s there.

A bisexual actually may run into a fair amount of derision from both the straight and gay camps, mostly because they’re not doing a good enough job fitting in and fucking all the same people the respective camps enjoy fucking. Which is weird when you think about it because if everyone wanted to fuck the exact same people we’d better all pray to get zapped with the poly spirit soon or life becomes Thunderdome.

Before we go any further I want to acknowledge the reasons it’s easy to be a swinger of many ways, mostly because no one likes a pussy-eating, penis-devouring pessimist¹ and I would cry and get laid much less often if no one liked me. So hopefully the next paragraph down will demonstrate that I know it isn’t too terribly hard to be bisexual. There may also be a mild gloating element involved; we’ll have to see how it plays out.

First off, I probably have more options for getting laid than I would if I were straight or gay. There are definitely people who will refuse to fuck someone strictly on the grounds that they’re bisexual, but I haven’t run into that problem personally. So the fact remains that I can have sex with guys who like chicks and chicks who like chicks. Secondly, my sexual preferences and enthusiasm for threesomes theoretically make me some people’s dream girl: A Magical Sex Unicorn™. The power inherent in being a nigh-mythical sex object is unsubtle, perhaps, but don’t knock it. Other perks include the flexibility to blend invisibly into a heterosexual dominant society if I choose, simply by dating men, and generally having a much comfier closet than the gay one.

But it’s not all group sex and seamless deception. No, not by half.

One of the major problems you’ll run into when you’re bisexual is that no one takes that shit seriously. You can tell someone you’re bisexual, thinking you’re disclosing something very precious and personal, and far too often the response will be “Is that really even a thing?” or “Remember when you started that culinary arts program? And when you bought that dobro? Just wake me when your latest phase is over, okay?” or “Bi now gay later. Just saying.” You may also be accused–and this is much more likely if you’re a woman– of doing it all for the attention. Someone even coined the term myspace bisexual at some point, presumably when myspace was a thing. Because why explore your sexuality if there’s not a camera around? And boys? And boys with cameras?

The disbelief thing strikes me as odd. If I say I’m attracted to something, how does it make sense to tell me I’m mistaken or too young to realize I actually only like one half of that something? Is this just a ploy to get me to eat pussy in front of you because Magical Sex Unicorn™? The chances that will work get lower every time I fall for it, so at this point it’s not looking good.

Another problem bisexuals run into is the idea that it’s fine to be attracted to everyone, but it’s understood that ultimately you have to choose when you land in your obviously-going-to-be-monogamous soulmate relationship. Bisexuals actually repeat this a lot when they insist that bisexual doesn’t mean you want one of each, but that you can be in a committed, loving relationship regardless of gender. This describes some bisexuals perfectly. But not all of us. See, call me a bad bisexual, but I would miss penis. I would miss pussy. Personally, I can be monogamous, but I’m not sure that’s optimal for me. What if I kind of do want one of each?

Is my question.

And something weird: When you’re bisexual, well, you sometimes have this aforementioned ability to blend invisibly into a heterosexual dominant society, whether you choose to or not. And maybe you want to feel like you belong in gay spaces. Maybe you don’t want to be read as straight all the time.

Or the opposite can happen. Either way, people don’t tend to assume that you’re bi, despite what Kinsey may have told us all.

(image source)

1. …which I find oppressive, but we’ll get to that. [↩]

ConTuesday is upon us! What secrets will be revealed?

I’m still kind of jealous that my partner slept with someone else a couple of nights ago, even though I’ve just come home from sleeping over at my other sweetheart’s house. It’s hard to give other people the freedom you want for yourself. At least, it is for me.

I think far more people feel this way than would ever admit it. And I think the perfectly reasonable reason is often this: Say you and I are in an open relationship. I know how I feel about you. I know that nothing I have with my other lover would ever endanger what I have with you. I know that I’d be a idiotic beyond comprehension to jeopardize what I have with you. I know that.

But what you know? That’s something of a mystery. This is my theory, anyway.

Last week, I beat my submissive boyfriend more severely than I ever had before. He got so heavy into subspace that he had an intense orgasm without either of us ever touching his penis. Then we went and saw Harry Potter.
I just wanted to share that with someone.

An orgasm with no touching? You’re a wizard, Harry!

I love happy confessions like this. Doubly so when they’re kinky and maybe a little geeky.

Alright, I’ve got this fantasy. I’d love to anonymously fuck just some random girl. Either there should be absolutely no exchange of personal information or kind of an understood mutual lying about names and whatever. From there, just raw animal fucking with the understanding that we’ll never see each other again. This is one of those fantasies that will stay just a fantasy, but I don’t care. It makes me horny.

Rumor has it the 1970s were exactly this for ten years straight, except everyone was on roller skates.

I wish it could be with you.

I think we all wish that, my friend.

I mean… Wait. What?

I’m tired of feeling like I have to talk my boyfriend into having sex with me. He only ever wants to when HE wants to and it’s so frustrating to have him always decide when.

Ah, fuck-crossed lovers. These stories seem to end in tragedy far too often. I hope this one works out. I really, really do.

Come to think of it, there are so many fuck-crossed lovers that send in confessions I have half a mind to start a libido-mismatched partner exchange program.

If you have a secret, or are interested in our fictional sex-drive-matching services, go here and tell all!

Wishes are sometimes confessions. Often, really. For instance, the main reasons I want bigger boobs are so I’ll (a) look better naked and (b) be able to get more attention when I want it. This is not something I’m comfortable going around saying to people, so I just say I want bigger boobs to even out my generous butt. That reason is valid, but it is not entirely truthful.

These ConTuesday confessions are pretty much all less frivolous than that.

9 months after the break up of our short romance, I still sometimes have dreams that he takes me back and everything is right with the world again.

But then you wake up and realize your life is awesome and you’re awesome and anyone willing to let you go is someone you’re better without? I’m hoping.

I think there is something seriously wrong with me!!!! I have only orgasimed with a man once. I can masterbate and hit it on the spot just like that, but you let a man come into the picture and it ain’t happening. Oh sure the sex is great but no orgasim. I have changed positions, added toys, and even told the guys how to do it. I don’t know what else to do, so I enjoy the sex, I come home, masturbate, and have the most intense orgasims. What is wrong with me???

Nothing is wrong with you. This is a very common situation, as I understand it. Maybe it’s the mental distraction of having someone else there. Perhaps the pressure of feeling like you need to have an orgasm to satisfy your partner’s expectations is bogging you down. Perchance it’s the fact that even if you tell someone just what to do with a toy, their technique won’t be exactly the same as yours. Have you tried just masturbating in front of a partner? If you haven’t, that might be a good start. If you’ve tried that and it hasn’t worked out the way you want, maychance try masturbating while having phone sex with your partner as an introduction to sharing your orgasms with him.

Keep in mind that you’re capable of giving yourself orgasms, so that’s great in and of itself, seeing as you’re a person interested in having them.

I want a hysterectomy more than anything. There is no medical reason to get one. I hate my uterus though – it is an organ with entirely oppositional goals to mine, and I do not identify as female and having it makes me feel alienated from my body. But I am terrified of losing my uterine orgasms – this must the joke of the cruelest gods, to make one organ both responsible for my greatest joy and greatest fear.

You didn’t ask for advice, and I am in no way qualified to give you any, but I want to say I cannot imagine how difficult this dilemma must be, and I’m sorry you’re facing it.

I want my lover to be poly-compatible more than I want just about anything else. I love her deeply and she’s practically perfect, but so matter how happy we are together, no, she’s NOT enough. It isn’t that anything is wrong with her, it’s the fact that she’s just one person. I can never make her understand that if she can’t understand open relationships. It’s hopeless. I can either lose the love of my life or stay with her unfulfilled. How does one choose?

Monogamy vs. polyamory is a relationship/sexual orientation (and yes, there are people who swing both ways as well). More and more I’m convinced that it has more to do with how one is wired than what one is able to understand, or how evolved one is, or how badly one wants to be the other orientation. If your orientation is definitely poly and hers is definitely mono (and demanding of monogamy, because some people stay monogamous and very happily let their partners practice polyamory, and that’s one solution), it seems to me that neither of you has a great deal of choice in the matter.

That being said, maybe buying her a book wouldn’t hurt. No pressure, mind, just a free book and the polite request that she do you a favor by reading it and discussing it with you.

Good luck!

Want to confess something? Preferably something related to sex, relationships, or how you have a giant crush on me? Please go here and spill it!

 

Today’s ConTuesday theme is updates. One cool thing about ConTuesday is that a lot of confessors are also readers who stick around, and comment, and update. It’s like serialized sex secrets!

If you, gentle readers, can figure out which past ConTuesdays hold the original confessions and link to them in the comments you will deserve a very special, sexy prize.

That does not mean you’ll get a prize, but by gum you’ll deserve it.

I wrote a confession a few days ago (not yet posted), about being the best my girlfriend has ever had, and I guess I’ve been pondering on that ever since. There are some expressions of self-doubt and uncertainty there, of insecurity – they’re genuine.

I don’t have enough experience to know whether I’m genuinely good or if she’s just saying that, and while she’ll tell me when what I’m doing is doing anything for her (if I ask), I do not know if she’d tell me if I were actually being bad in bed.

I could deal with being told I’m competent, or bad; I can improve on things if I know what I’m doing wrong. The ceaseless praise, however, has me totally off-balance, and counterintuitively leaves me in a state of more self-doubt than criticism would. If there were criticism mixed in with the praise, I’d know for certain (or more certainly) that the praise is genuine.

I’m not generally a self-doubting person, either; this is my sole realm of insecurity, perhaps instilled after my first relationship, in which the girlfriend in question continued to assert my qualities even while breaking up with me. (No, I am not a nice guy, in fact I do not believe in niceness. I am reliable and honest, however.)

How many people are in a state of self-doubt because they’re not being told they’re doing something wrong? Seems weird.

I probably wouldn’t tell a man that he was bad in bed; I freely admit that. I also wouldn’t tell him he was the best I’d ever had if he was bad in bed. That would be like, forgive the crude comparison, giving my dog a treat for chewing up my thong. Either kind, really.

Have some faith in yourself. In her.

I’m the gal who resolved to have anal sex with her boyfriend this year. Well! We got a butt plug and have used that and fingers weekly (or biweekly) for a while. Every time he would try to insert his dick, though, was met with immense pain from my rectum.

Last weekend, after an incredibly hot fucking using the butt plug in my ass and his cock in my pussy, he asked to try again. It…was underwhelming. He remarked that my ass felt very similar to my cunt, but smoother. I just preferred the way things were, with cock in my pussy and silicone in my ass.

Maybe my lackluster response was due to the fact that I had already orgasmed? Or perhaps I need to use that (condomed) plug in my pussy for the stimulation I’ve come to enjoy?

But at least it didn’t hurt!

For some people, anal might never not hurt. They might even enjoy it, but there will always be some pain (in fact, I might well be one of these people, but one never knows what the future holds). So you’ve got a pain-free anal session going for you! Have you made more progress? Maybe we need another update.

Some time ago I confessed about a dream I had in which I was having a three way with my girlfriend and someone else. I am not used to flirting with and fooling around with someone else that I am not in a relationship with, it was never something I did. Today we had a friend over and had some fun. We didn’t ”go all the way” but we did have a fun time with each other’s bodies. It was our first time doing it together so we took it slow and easy. Seeing my girlfriend passionately kiss another girl and then have them both take turns doing so with me was mind blowing. I spent a good portion of the time thinking I was going to wake up from a dream that I didn’t want to stop. We ended up spending close to two or three hours just feeling, touching, and kissing each other. I am now eagerly waiting for the next time we all get together because now were used to each other and can have even more fun. After it was all done I am not regretting it in th e least and I find I love my girlfriend even more. So I guess thanks QP, you kind of made this all possible, it was a dream come true.

So glad it has worked out for you so far!

So…I wrote a confession before, well two actually, about the boyfriend with the beautiful penis. And then the boyfriend who made me have faith again in humanity and you said that if he would like to offer any tips then to share them? Well he did. http://southeastsexandsanity.blogspot.com/2011/05/orgasmsrus.html I might be biased but it really worked for him/me.

There’s obviously no one-size-fits-all method for being good at sex, but damn, that sounds pretty good to me. I’m also really enjoying his blog, so he should definitely keep posting. Or else… well, nothing. I just like it is all.

Got a secret of a sexual bent? Submit it here and read it later. Highly gratifying!

This is a public service announcement: Bisexuals exist. Sometimes I get sick of people pulling the “phase” card, telling us to make up our minds, or assuming that once we start fucking people of one sex that means we’ve sworn off people of another. There is even a TV Trope about this (warning: TV Trope link goes to TV Tropes, so prepare to lose your day if you click).

Some people just get to have more options than you do. Deal with it.

This public service announcement is also a ConTuesday that features people who really can (and perhaps even do) have it both ways.

I’m dying to have a MMF threesome, but my boyfriend has gotten into this rut of non openness and the idea of it being the death of our relationship. I don’t really think I would want him to be a part of it tho’, I would actually rather find an established male bi-sexual couple who want to play with each other as much as me. I want it to be fun and giving, and flirty. I’ve done it with toys, but I want the physical sensation of being between 2 warm bodies. Just the thought of it makes me quiver and get wet.

I’ve never had an MMF threesome, and it’s a huge fantasy. But I have to say, I’d rather have a “devil’s threesome” where no one felt like it was the consolation prize of threesomes. I’d rather just forgo it than have to deal with two guys trying to avoid each other trying to have a 100% heterosexual experience with me. So two bi guys? Yum.

I love my boyfriend. I love his personality, I love his quirks. I love how geeky he is. In bed, he’s perfect. He’s sexy, he turns me on, he’s ok with my sleeping with the ladies (because, you know, sometimes you just want boobs.), he likes being dominating, oh how I love being submissive. The problem is, I had a great sex drive… I was ready for sexy times at the drop of a hat… and he has health problems. Of the, sex is limited because ow my body hurts bad and I just can’t sort. It got to the point where it made me feel terrible to so much as suggest sex, much less actually having sex, even if he initiated, because it would put him out of commission the rest of the day. And then he’d feel terrible because I used to love sex, and now I just can’t get into it. And I’d feel terrible for making him feel terrible.

I’m not old enough for this yet. I love him, but I miss sex with him.

Trying to have a good sex life while working around your health issues can be really, really frustrating for everyone involved. Hope you guys have figured out a way that works for you! Also, ha you’re bi you exist ha!

So, over the course of an extremely raunchy (and fun!) marathon sex session last night, my boyfriend of 18 months came out to me that he is bi. He seemed a little surprised (and relieved) that I wasn’t squicked out by the fact at all.

Hey, I figure I’m bi, he’s bi, as long as we keep communication open and play safe, there could be a lot of fun to be had!

Bi-on-bi love is a beautiful thing. Also, in order to accomplish it you have to have two bisexuals who also exist. Just saying.

I had a friend who was a pre-op transsexual. I wasn’t attracted to him, but it was intriguing, the penis with breasts. I mean I didn’t find him at ALL hot, but his cock was huge and and there was something very sweet and accommodating about his way. That was some strange and singular sex. I think I was his last big hoo-rah, and I think I’ll never be curious again about sex with a man with boobs. Now, sex with a man AND with a woman with boobs, otoh…

I have a bit of a crush on a woman who happens to be trans. No idea what’s going on under her clothes, but I do know that she is so freaking cute and I am equipped to deal with any eventuality. Why? Cause bi!

Hey, guys! Let’s have a ConTuesday, shall we?

I used to be a sex worker. To this day, it’s the standard to which I hold all of my other jobs (they don’t measure up). I loved my work, the customers, and the general feeling I got working only for myself.

I’m going into a field which, while it’s my absolute passion, completely crushes any possibility of me doing sex work ever again.

On the one hand, I’m happy to be out of a job where my worth is tied to physical beauty that is always (always, always) depreciating, and have a career where my value grows with my age. On the other hand, I REALLY LIKED THAT JOB!

God, I’m such a princess.

A princess’s beauty never (never, never) depreciates. Remember that. Also, I’d probably miss it too.

I’ve had sex once in the last 8 months with my wonderful, committed boyfriend. It sucks hardcore that we so rarely have sex (because I never have a damn libido anymore), but at least now I know why. I’ve recently been diagnosed with both an anxiety disorder and depression, and my shrink says the loss of my nympho-hood is primarily due to those conditions. While it still sucks not to have sex much, at least now I know why, so I feel a hell of a lot less guilty about it.

I have been on both sides of this dilemma, and I can honestly tell you that I completely fucked the whole matter up even more than it needed to be because I was too immature and petulant about it to really communicate with my partner. You guys seem like you’re navigating this situation a lot better than I ever did. Good luck finding a treatment that works for you. Hope you feel better soon, on every level.

I had an unexpectedly fantastic time at Kinkfest last night. I think finally I may have found people who will rock the friends who also have complicated sexy times together thing. It’s been way too many years since I moved away from the last ones.

I have to be honest here. I feel like this is in some sort of very thinly veiled code or something. It could be density, but I’m not entirely sure what you mean. But it seems positive. So fuck yeah high five!

I’m in a messed up place emotionally right now. Stuff is happening all around me and I don’t know how to react. I talked to my husband for about 5 minutes and he dismissed my feelings. I called my fuck buddy tonight to come over and cuddle and he turned me down. I feel a bit let down, but considering he’s the ”other man,” I don’t think I can feel too upset. So I called a male friend to come over and we sat holding hands and cuddling for a couple of hours while I talked it out. Now I don’t know what to think! If only I could wrap the three of them into one person, I’d be sooo in love with him :(

If I could wrap King Arthur, Vin Diesel, and Feyd Rautha all into one person, I would challenge that guy to an arm wrestling match.

No one would be surprised when I lost.

Go to the Sex Confessional and tell me something scandalous!

As I was arranging this ConTuesday, Laramy asked me if there was a theme this week.

“No,” I answered, remembering that I hadn’t chosen the emails based around any particular subject or flavor. Upon skimming through them again, though, I had to say “Wait… yes! There is a theme!”

“Is it winning?” he asked, “like Charlie Sheen?”

“Yes. Yes it is,” I said. And it was pretty much exactly true. Today’s confessions are about winning.

This is the girl who made a new year’s resolution to have sex at least once a month, reporting back. The bad news – between significant illness and other crap, it’s early March and sex still hasn’t happened this year. The good news – I’m finally WANTING sex occasionally again, and we’ve been intimate in ways that didn’t lead to sex. I think I’m going to look on the bright side and call this progress.

I love updates! This one is from the fourth confessor from this post.

I think that it’s major progress. I definitely understand how hard it is to feel sexy and be sexual when there are health issues (and this can be true whether those issues are yours or your partner’s), so yes! Look on the bright side. Resolutions are made to be approximated anyway.

There is a man who I’ve had sex with. He’s probably the most sexually compatible person I’ve ever been with thus far. I would never EVER date him, our lifestyles and life goals would not allow a relationship to work. So we are just fuck buddies. We are both fine with this.

I’ve fucked two of this best friends and he’s fucked multiple of my close friends. We both give good references for each other so we can get laid.

It is the most stable and sane ”thing” I’ve ever been in.

I think this sounds a lot healthier than most of the relationships I’ve had and a large proportion of the ones I’ve seen. There’s a very specific term for what’s happening between people in a physical relationship when they try to get each other laid. That term is Unconditional Fucking Love.

My wife doesn’t favor doggy style, but she knows that I love it and if she wants me to orgasm fast, that is the way to do it. Sometimes I have trouble getting the right angle while inserting but last night I slid in on the first try. She was impressed. I told her that ”I’d say that I’ve been practicing, but that wouldn’t be right”. We both had a laugh out of it. She normally doesn’t like jokes while we’re having sex (I understand), but it was awesome to have a moment of intimacy joined with impromptu humor. I love her.

This is adorable. I love those moments when a couple gets to push the boundaries of their sex life while being completely comfortable and sweet. They can be rare, but they are amazing.

You know you have a major Dirty Harry fan for a boyfriend when you’re blowing him and he’s looking over to the movie for the best lines.

You know you gave a fantastic blowjob when you tease him about it afterwords and he says ”Wait, the movie was still on?”

You kind of had a standoff with Dirty Harry. And you won. That is truly winning, isn’t it?

Got something to share but need to keep a low profile? ConTuesday’s got this.

Lately I’m really feeling the theme ConTuesdays. I don’t strictly get enough confessions to do a cohesive theme every week, but I can cobble something matchy matchy together every so often.

Cobbling something matchy matchy together? Say, that makes me think of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Which brings us to…

Our theme. Not drag, sadly. Just LGBTness.

It’s weird to think that I’ve only been admitting that I’m 50% lesbionic for a couple years. I mean, I’ve basically always known. Way more than half my crushes in memory have been on chicks, and I’ve asked every man I’ve ever dated if he’d be okay with me fucking women.

But, you know, I was straight.

Ah, the secrets of the human mind. As secrets go, though, there are better: other secrets that feature the gays and pansexuals and queers, oh my! But just like they say on that homotastic Reading Rainbow, don’t take my word for it…

Coincidence that you should mention guy on guy the other day… yeah, I have a big thing about it. My boyfriend confessed to me the other day that he’d been with a man, and wasn’t too keen on the actual sex but had quite enjoyed giving a blowjob.

Even though we’re normally quite open/kinky and do sometimes have guests in the bedroom, it seems pretty clear that he’s not comfortable even talking about this, let alone repeating it. But I cannot get the image of him sucking cock out of my head. *subtly humps desk*

I mentioned on twitter a while back that I’m partial to gay porn, especially when twinks are involved. I stand by that.

As for you, do you think he’d be interested in blowing you while you wore a strap-on? This suggestion has nothing to do with my long-standing fantasy to have a man suck my pretty, purple dick whatsoever. I’m just trying to be helpful.

I’ve recently become involved with a couple for the first time, and I’m liking it and them a lot. I was concerned about maintaining some level of equality between the three of us but we’re managing to keep the balance just fine… except for the sex.

Sex with him is silly and flirty and relaxing (and HOT), with lots of laughing and fun and even when I don’t get off, I don’t mind, because I’ve enjoyed myself.

Sex with her is serious and dramatic and usually starts out intense but eventually ends up just tense. At least one of us (often her) usually ends up uncomfortable and unsatisfied. Worst of all, she won’t talk about it (at least not with me), so I’m completely at a loss as to how to get us both to relax and let go a bit. Threesomes don’t help; I think they make her even more uncomfortable.

Don’t you hate it when there’s a problem with the sex and it seems like you’re not allowed to talk about it? Maybe you can anonymously send her a message (because I’m all for anonymity). It could go like, “Hi there. This is one of your sexual partners. No sneaky guessing which one, now. I’ve noticed that when we have sex it gets awkward and it seems like you’re not having much fun. If you would be open to talking about this issue, please blink occasionally for ‘yes’ and never for ‘no’. I will recognize this signal, and we can have a calm, adult conversation about our sex life.”

Otherwise? I’m really not a fan, but this rather sounds like a job for pot.

I’m a pansexual poly femme queer woman, laughably oversexed and loving every second. Men are always my primary relationships and I don’t like admitting why. I refuse to have a woman for my primary partner because the one time I tried it we succumbed to lesbian bed death. I didn’t have sex with my girlfriend for six months straight even though I was getting it elsewhere. One day I’ll be too old to attract new partners as easily as I do now so I cannot have my first commitment be to someone who will ultimately lose interest in filling my needs.

I’m a woman myself, FFS. Shouldn’t I know all women aren’t going to turn frigid?

It’s okay to primarily date men. Nothing wrong with it, even if you identify as romantically and/or sexually attracted to all gender variations. You can still identify as a PPFQW, and no one is going take away your pussy-eating merit badges. If your assumptions about women are at all valid, though, I feel sorry for straight men everywhere.

I realized about a year ago that I feel very safe, secure, peaceful and ”at home” when I hear the sounds of people fucking in whatever place I live.

I credit the gay guys I rented a room from back then for helping me discover this beautiful tidbit — I never would have figured it out back when I lived with my Mormon parents.

Some folks might complain about apartments with thin walls and the neighbors who rattle them every night. I’d love to thank them for the best lullaby a girl could ever want!

Yes, the Gay Sex Lullaby, enjoyed by my neighboring hotel patrons on many a magical evening.

You’re so welcome. The pleasure was all mine.

Do you have a sex confession to share? I’m dying to read it.

It’s threesome week again! Damned if you crazy kids don’t love your threesomes. And really, who can blame you? Having two sex partners at the same time is like having some delicious milk chocolate and then, hey, this peanut butter might go well and…

Oh! Yes. Yes indeed it does. Can’t talk now. Eating.

Alright, just to clear something up. I am the wife of last week’s [Ed. November 16th's] commenter #5. It is not at all toxic to have this fantasy and the closed relationship has a lot more to do with my issues.
I have no issue at all and the fantasy turns me on as well. A lot. But, there is more to it. I have a lot of questions and personal insecurities that have nothing to do with adultery here. My husband have the kind of relationship that most envy. And I’ve already told him what I’m going to say here.
I have a fear that he might like her more than he does me. I have this fear that this mystery other woman might have some bedroom skills that I don’t.

This post actually references this ConTuesday. Can you tell there’s a posting lag?

Sometimes I worry that someone else will be better in bed than me in a situation like that. Then I think that maybe I’ll get to have sex with that someone too, and that would actually be a big fat win for QP. But really, when it comes to sex, novelty is awesome but knowing the insider tricks and turn-ons that come with experience with your partner’s body should not be underestimated.

Of course, the fact remains that threesomes aren’t for everyone.

So months and months ago, I was at a sex party and basically, my evening ended in blowjobs–both with my partner and with someone who is definitely not my partner. I didn’t use a condom with the guy-who-is-not-my-partner and now, a friend who was at the same party has mentioned a bunch of times about how irresponsible and gross it is for people to have unprotected oral sex. I’m so cringingly embarrassed every time this comes up.

You know what I think every sex party needs to be really complete? Judgmental Friend! Oh man, where would we be if everyone just let people negotiate safer sex practices on their own without constant shaming? I just shuddered thinking about it. Thank you, Judgmental Friend, wherever you are.

Dear QP
Several times now my girlfriend and I have had a discussion about one of my dreams and we have both admitted that we like the sound of he dream. In it we are having a three sum (the two of us and another girl) and are very much enjoying it. She has admitted that it sounds fun and that she is not against the idea of doing it as long as I will be comfortable with it.

I have had problems in the past with jealousy thanks to a very emotionally abusive relationship so I don’t know what my reaction would be in real life. Thankfully I have gotten over much of what was done and am now very comfortable with sexuality and personal closeness. We have a very good relationship and have had one for close to two years now, I would like to think that if it was with someone we both know and trust that I would be able to handle it. Neither of us want to sleep around with others but think it could be fun to do it together to see what its like.

The real fun part about the dream is that the other person in the three sum was you. ;)

This one made me blush. I have nothing pithy to say. I like jam. Also threesomes.

I am in an ”open” relationship with a man who I care about but last weekend he upset me when right after what I thought was a great fuck session, he jumped out of bed, went over to the computer and started emailing another woman he sees. I know we aren’t exclusive but am I expecting too much for him to show some tact and restraint?

I’m putting this in a threesome post because although you may not have realized it at the time, it seems like you were having one, in a sense. Honestly, I’m in an open relationship too, and I wouldn’t be pleased with that. But my boyfriend and I have talked about that, and about how no matter how bright and shiny and new someone might be, I never want to feel pushed to the background. I can’t expect him to intuit this, though, I’ve learned. Because he’s pretty much a terrible psychic.

Basically, you can only expect things you’ve asked for. Open relationships don’t have a standard template for manners, so maybe he thought you’d be fine with it. But if you’d already had the conversation at that point, he should really start listening and stop fucking up cuddle time.

That’s right, kids: Don’t fuck up cuddle time.

Also, send me your lurid confessions.

ConTuesday is upon us! Read on for anonymous confessions from denizens of the internet.

My partner and I have been together for almost three years (our anniversary is in a few days) and have been experimenting with opening our relationship in various ways in the past year and a half. Yesterday, I found out he broke several of the rules of our ”open arrangement” and then lied to me about it–I feel really hurt and betrayed by this dishonesty, and I feel like I was cheated on.However, I’m really afraid to talk to any of my friends about this, because I feel like people will blame the nature of our relationship (”Oh, open relationships never work, etc.”), even people who knew about it already or who we’ve fooled around with before. I feel like putting the blame on open relationships in general shifts it from where it belongs–on my partner, for lying.Mostly, though, I just feel really horribly upset and isolated and alone.

I think I’d feel exactly the same way. Violating your negotiated rules was cheating. It just sounds like it wasn’t the kind of cheating your friends would understand, which indeed sucks.

He drove over 90 miles to have sex with me and at the time I was mildly flattered but not overwhelmed or anything, now he has a girlfriend and purely because of this he’s the only thing I can think about. The harder I am ignored the more I am determined to get my own way.

So unavailability is sexy again? I can’t keep up. Very well! None of you may have me!*

I had an ex who used to drink red wine and smoke when we got together. I loved the way it made her smell and taste. I’m not a smoker, but the combination made her taste like vice, like sin, like a bad habit. Made the sex that much better.

I’m turned on by beer breath, for some reason. I don’t think it’s an association thing so much as the fact that beer smells yummy.

The idea of him watching me masturbate and getting turned on by it turns me on, but I don’t have the guts to actually do it much less ask to watch him, the idea of which also turns me on.

Asking for things is a skill, and it’s worth learning. Do as I say; not as I do.

I’m in a fantastic, loving and highly sexual relationship for really the first time. I’m so, incredibly happy, but my family is dedicated to the idea that I’m a sweet, innocent virgin – and I’m stuck lying about my weekend whereabouts, hiding my interest in sex (for example, your blog), and of course hiding my condoms. I just wish my happiness was enough for everyone else!

It’s awesome that you’re having so much fun! Sometimes families just don’t get it. Maybe yours will eventually, maybe not. But I wouldn’t (and don’t) let that stop me.

Do you have something to share? Right here, champ.

*Is it working?