quizzical pussy

Many, many butts are perfect. And every perfect ever known to this world has had a but. Enjoy a few of each.

I started the SexLog as a whine to myself. She wasn’t having much sex with me, so every time she did, I would send myself an email about it, and put that email into a folder in my email. Every time I enjoined her to have a tryst with me, I logged it. At first, it was just a sad bitter little series of notes on the rare occasions that we had sex. But when the sex was great, I had to detail it, in fairness. When it was hot, I would detail the situation, how it started, and what positions we got into. I might mention what we said during sex.

Reading back over the last year, I see that we’re only averaging once a week. I wish it were more. But reading those times that we do have sex? Some of ’em are pretty damned erotic.

Once again whining is foiled by awesome sex! This happens a lot, I’m certain.

He makes me laugh until all the muscles in my torso feel sprung. He can make me laugh about anything — the crash and burn of my last relationship, the weather, my simultaneous lust for and terror of taking his clothes off, how mind-numbingly stupid bureaucracies are, what he wants to do to me with handcuffs and an order of Chinese take-out (extra sweet-and-sour sauce).

He’s outrageously, gratuitously beautiful to me, like sunrise in the Sangre de Cristos. The fact that other people seem to consider him either strange-looking or utterly gorgeous, no middle ground, only escalates that. It’s like being part of a secret club of people with good taste.

Every day I find something new to admire about him: His good humor about others’ assumptions, his damn-near epic determination, his delighted embrace of any kind of silliness that makes life a happier place to be, the core of stunningly improbable sweetness that underlies his nature, his playful and seemingly infinite patience with me.

It boils down to this: It’s harder for him to be just my friend than it would be for me to be his lover. But he’s making the effort anyway, because I am so goddamn scared to have sex with him, I damn near hyperventilate when he gets close to me.

It isn’t that he doesn’t want friendship; he’s been a good friend, including when I’ve deeply needed one. It’s that he wants to be more. When he says something or touches me in a way that leaves no doubt he wants me naked and writhing under him, it’s not news to him at all, but the bulletins are just starting to come in at my station.

It isn’t that I don’t want the sex, either. He makes my brain ache for it, never mind the standard achy naughty-bits. He makes me want to lick, bite, suck, pull hair, snuggle, see what his o-face is like, hear the sounds he makes (quiet? grunty? down-and-out nasty talk?). He knows all this, too; I’m pretty sure everyone who gets within 100 yards of us knows it. Might as well be tattooed on my forehead.

So what’s the problem? The past. Naturally. This is the sudden and unexpected beginning of the thing for me — and the end of a long process for him. He waited through my ill-advised relationship with his friend, and through my own blindered foolishness about the kind of man he is. Now he’s waiting through my absolute certainty that sex is going to ruin us, like it ruins everything else it touches in my life. It’s a good thing he’s patient; the more he’s my friend, the more we become something I don’t want to see ruined…and the longer his wait is going to be.

I hate that I feel that way; it’s not fair to him, and I’m religiously certain I’m missing out on an amazing lover, so it’s not fair to me, either. But I know that the moment the orgasms ended, I’d start counting down the days until I lost him — friend, lover, everything — just like every other time. And that thought is unbearable to me.

I hope you’ve worked through your past enough to look back on this confession and shake your head and smile, and maybe twitch a little from some muscle soreness from the mindblowing, love-affirming sex you had last night. Sex doesn’t ruin things; people do, and from how you describe it you are two people who are amazing together.

My friend and his wife really want to mess around with my wife and me.

I want to mess around with them.

My wife’s not sure. She hasn’t said ”No,” but she’s shy.

I don’t want to put pressure. The guy who puts pressure is That Guy. And we all know that That Guy sucks.

But any good partner should let his or her partner know what he or she wants.

So, it’s out there.

And I’m waiting. Tick. Tock.

Don’t be That Guy, no. But I guess you could always send her a link to this ConTuesday and tell her you thought she’d enjoy all the pics of nice asses, and oh, by the way, some guy wrote in about a foursome, so that’s interesting…

Send me a confession, won’t you please?

(image sources: 1, 2, 3, 4)

 

Laramy and I were lounging with Viola on her bed, and somehow the conversation came around to blowjobs. Already your shock is palpable.

We came to a consensus that however fun it is to give and receive them, they’re particularly good as a warmup for intercourse. This is how Laramy and I do them about two-thirds of the time, probably. But not always. I also love those times when I get to make him come.

Penis-in-vagina/ass intercourse is unique for me because it feels like we’re making us come¹, giving each other simultaneous and reciprocal pleasure. Sure, I normally get to have more orgasms, so maybe my partner feels differently, but I round up to Team Us. Most of the many fantastic and varied other kinds of sex tend to have less of that particular “simultaneous and reciprocal” element for me. They can still be awesome, of course.

I can get off just from giving a blowjob, but that’s a completely different feeling than climaxing through intercourse. The stimulation is less direct, largely mental. When I come that way it feels more like I’m really bringing myself there, although I’m getting some of my favorite sort of help with that.

Laramy, on the other hand, once told me he generally doesn’t get off from blowjobs at all. Liked them, he insisted, certainly wasn’t planning on turning any eligible offers down, but he just didn’t come from oral sex. He said this after the first time I made him come in my mouth, though. Surely he was rearranging his belief system by then. Because I’ve never known him to lie to me, I see no reason to think that it was just a line to make me feel like a god damn sexual Tyrannasaurus, although it did. Oh, it did.

Anyway, back to Viola’s bed. There are limits, she are I both agreed, on just how long we’re willing to suck cock. At a certain point you wonder what you’re doing wrong, and why your jaw needs to be punished for it. Perhaps we were making my boyfriend nervous. While Laramy can and does come from blowjobs, he admittedly tends to take a while to get there sometimes. This is part of why it can be preferable² to just transition to fucking. “It’s not like I take that long,” he reminded me.

“No,” I agreed. “Sometimes it can be a challenge, though. It’s not like I can get you off in, say, four minutes or something.”

That’s when Laramy started to remove his pants. Enthusiastically. “Let’s see!”

“I mean, I’ll suck your cock for four minutes, sure. Happy to. But I doubt you’ll get off.”

“You’re on,” he grinned. The pants were off, the penis rampant, the challenge accepted. One doesn’t say “I’ll suck your cock for four minutes” to this man and expect him to laugh it off. Viola offered to time us. Laramy reclined on her bed, pants abandoned, head in her lap.

“All right then!” I probably didn’t say out loud, “I came here to suck cock and chew bubblegum, and luckily for your cock, I’m all out of bubblegum. Because otherwise, ouch.” My eye was of the tiger. Four minutes wasn’t long, but I was going to do my damnedest to make sure it was long enough.

I’d never strategized a blowjob before. Would a little preliminary teasing help or harm the cause? Should I mostly suck and bob, or concentrate more on doing that thing with my tongue? I did my best. Laramy might have been playing with some Viola boob.

“It’s interesting to watch from this perspective. This is what I’d see if QP were giving me a blowjob,” I heard her say³. He was getting close at this point.

When Laramy came in my mouth, I got that little jolt of triumph I always get, even when we’re not going for the four-minute blowjob title. Giver of Orgasms and Swallower of Seed am I, and mighty shall be my reign! Rawr, bitches.

“How was that for time?” I asked Viola in an all-business tone as soon as the cock was out of my mouth. Laramy, still blissed out from his orgasm, found this hilarious.

“Just about four and a half minutes. I was going to stop you, but I knew he was getting close.” High fives happened all around. We hadn’t quite made blowjob history, but it was hard to call it anything but a win, considering.

Between you and me, though? I probably would’ve gone longer, if need be. You know, for the team.

(image source)

1. I’ve heard rumors that you can have sex without having or even trying to have an orgasm, and that it can be splendid. I honestly wouldn’t know anything about that. Sex without any orgasms seems like a frustrating endeavor to me. [↩]
2. For my jaw and inside upper lip. [↩]
3. Note to self: remind her that I willingly service strap-on cocks as well. [↩]

I’ll bet you came here today looking for a ConTuesday. Am I right? It must be destiny because that’s exactly what I have for you.

She suggested out of the blue that we swap with them. Was I that easy to read? Of COURSE I want to swap with them. I’m all in. I’m somewhat sure that our lady friend would be, too.

But our man friend? Not a chance. Even to ask would be to lose that friend.

Dammit. Three out of four is a super-majority!

It’s a truth that can be devastating, or it can appear bright and pulsing with hope and redemption: sexual adventures are really only as good as the most reluctant participant.

Still, yeah. That’s a frustrating predicament.

I’m not the most overpaid person in the world, so when I was going to buy a vibrator this weekend, I sort of set a ceiling of $50. I came away for the shop having dropped $100 and change for a wiggly pink thing. Tried it out with my Significant Other last night and I was practically levitating every time I was racked with orgasms. I’ve come _a lot_, but never like that. What a fine investment! SO was grinning like a jackal every time he pushed me over the edge again. Yummy.

If you don’t mind, is there any way you can provide a link to this wiggly pink thing? Or even a name? This isn’t for me, mind. It’s for science.

Yesterday I discovered that if you make a girl cum for 7-8 times and don’t cum yourself…well….they’re not happy.

One thing that restores my faith in humanity when things are looking dire is the fact that we pretty much all want to give pleasure. We want to make other people laugh and smile and clap and come. I think that’s fucking beautiful.

It’s not your fault if you can’t come, of course. But this is probably the reason behind your discovery.

I’ve recently started really enjoying role playing daddy/girl scenes…the only problem is I can’t enjoy this with my Master because he already has a girl he enjoys this particular kink with, and I would feel like I was trying to take away something that was special and hers. But I don’t want to do this with just anyone. *sighs*

Have you talked to this other girl about it? Because, though it might not be the case here, I could imagine some little girls wanting a sister. Either way, good luck finding someone to explore with.

By the time this posts, it won’t have much meaning considering I’ll know one way or the other. But getting it out there before I know I think is important.

My boyfriend and I fuck like bunnies. We don’t use condoms but I am on the pill. He is very fertile (and has the babies to prove it) and convinced that I am pregnant right now. I’m one day late with my period, but that is just one day. I don’t think I am pregnant, but secretly maybe kinda sorta wish I was. It would be an awful time to get pregnant, but when is it ever a good time?

I’m hoping for an update on this one, and that you’re happy with whichever outcome you got.

Secrets go here!

Sometimes I’ll get a confession and think “This doesn’t need to be a secret! It would be pure double rainbows and gumdrop teddy bears if the confessor shared this with their partner. It would bring them closer as a couple and probably even help usher in a new era of collective debauchery and love!

But then there are the times when I’ll read one and think “Anonymity is indeed a beautiful thing.” To wit, “Here we have a secret that’s a secret for a damn good reason.” Not that I’m judging, mind. I obviously have secrets myself; I’m not an anonymous blogger just because I’m afraid of getting too much fan mail. For all you know, one of the following confessions is mine…

I have a very, very small crush on my brother in law, but ever since I watched a thing of polyandry in Tibet, I’m kind of obsessed with the idea of being in a relationship with my husband and his brother both. I’ve been fantasising about it all day, like who snuggles with who when someone gets up first in the morning, and how absolutely freaking awesome it would be to fuck them at the same time.

This one hits fairly close to home for me. My sisters and I fall into the same general physical type, except they’re all much prettier than I am. I’m not being modest by saying this; it is very simply true. Since before anyone even thought about wanting to date me I have lived in terror of learning that a partner wants to fuck my sisters in addition to/instead of me. I can’t even say exactly why, and I will not even pretend it’s rational.  Coming up short in comparisons over the years has made me a little too neurotic, I guess.

I doubt I’m alone on this one. This is why fantasies about siblings, though probably incredibly common, usually belong firmly in the “Excellent anonymous confession, potentially devastating personal admission” category.

Of course, I’m sure there are also people that would love to share a partner with their sibling. Some people didn’t grow up indulging the petty jealousies that I did.

When my ex and I broke up a year and a half ago, he had gotten another girl pregnant in a weird poly experiment gone wrong (where they did not have my consent to be fucking without birth control), he immediately moved in with her, and she had the baby. Then I ended up becoming friends with her, and we would hang out and talk all the time. He and I would secretly dirty txt each other, and he begged me to fuck him again many times, but I always resisted, because I felt I owed it to her to refrain due to our friendship. Then about a month ago, she found a dirty video I sent him and got very upset, and we decided not to be friends anymore. It only took a couple of weeks for me to cave to his pleas, and yesterday we finally got together. He beat the crap out of me with a belt (consensually), and we spent the afternoon fucking. It was awesome. What pushed me over the edge was him telling me about his secret girlfriend that his baby momma doesn’t know about and me getting competitive with her. The bad thing is that I really don’t feel guilty at all. The other bad thing is that I realized that I am still in love with him. To top things off, he wants me to have a threesome with him and his secret GF, and I probably will. What a mess!

The more complicated a sexual situation is, the fewer people you can tell about it without compounding the drama. I just now decided to call this The Circus Tent Rule, because once you invite an audience inside the big top, every act suddenly gets more dangerous: animals are less predictable, nets and safety mechanics that were used in practice may be removed, and jangling nerves come into play. As long as you keep your mess a secret you’re still in dress rehearsal mode, and that can save lives.

Not that helping someone cheat on their partner is okay, but does talking about it ever suddenly make it more okay? One (unsolicited) suggestion, though: When you’re a party to cheating, being extra-vigilant about getting tested for STIs and practicing safer sex is really the least you can do.

It’s probably a bad idea to choose people to stay with while couchsurfing based on how much I want to fuck them…right?

I’m going to be conservative here and guess that 15% of people do exactly that. It’s probably a bad idea to tell people you’re choosing to stay with them while couchsurfing because you want to fuck them, and it’s definitely a bad idea to expect to fuck them. But I don’t think people necessarily do much damage just by wanting to fuck someone. Unless, naturally, that someone is my sister. In which case HOW DARE YOU?

Sadly, my much younger lover has left town and (maybe happily?) my husband has returned. I’m scared to death to have sex with my husband because I want him to do all the things my much younger lover did that turned me on so much but I don’t want him to wonder why I want those things suddenly. QP, do you have any advice on how to ask for new things without arousing suspicion?

Oh, so totally blame the internet. That’s what we’re here for. “I’ve been reading about this and can’t stop thinking about it. Can we try it?”

Do you, my lusty readers, have anything you yearn to tell but need kept secret? There’s a very simple solution!

Today’s ConTuesday theme is updates. One cool thing about ConTuesday is that a lot of confessors are also readers who stick around, and comment, and update. It’s like serialized sex secrets!

If you, gentle readers, can figure out which past ConTuesdays hold the original confessions and link to them in the comments you will deserve a very special, sexy prize.

That does not mean you’ll get a prize, but by gum you’ll deserve it.

I wrote a confession a few days ago (not yet posted), about being the best my girlfriend has ever had, and I guess I’ve been pondering on that ever since. There are some expressions of self-doubt and uncertainty there, of insecurity – they’re genuine.

I don’t have enough experience to know whether I’m genuinely good or if she’s just saying that, and while she’ll tell me when what I’m doing is doing anything for her (if I ask), I do not know if she’d tell me if I were actually being bad in bed.

I could deal with being told I’m competent, or bad; I can improve on things if I know what I’m doing wrong. The ceaseless praise, however, has me totally off-balance, and counterintuitively leaves me in a state of more self-doubt than criticism would. If there were criticism mixed in with the praise, I’d know for certain (or more certainly) that the praise is genuine.

I’m not generally a self-doubting person, either; this is my sole realm of insecurity, perhaps instilled after my first relationship, in which the girlfriend in question continued to assert my qualities even while breaking up with me. (No, I am not a nice guy, in fact I do not believe in niceness. I am reliable and honest, however.)

How many people are in a state of self-doubt because they’re not being told they’re doing something wrong? Seems weird.

I probably wouldn’t tell a man that he was bad in bed; I freely admit that. I also wouldn’t tell him he was the best I’d ever had if he was bad in bed. That would be like, forgive the crude comparison, giving my dog a treat for chewing up my thong. Either kind, really.

Have some faith in yourself. In her.

I’m the gal who resolved to have anal sex with her boyfriend this year. Well! We got a butt plug and have used that and fingers weekly (or biweekly) for a while. Every time he would try to insert his dick, though, was met with immense pain from my rectum.

Last weekend, after an incredibly hot fucking using the butt plug in my ass and his cock in my pussy, he asked to try again. It…was underwhelming. He remarked that my ass felt very similar to my cunt, but smoother. I just preferred the way things were, with cock in my pussy and silicone in my ass.

Maybe my lackluster response was due to the fact that I had already orgasmed? Or perhaps I need to use that (condomed) plug in my pussy for the stimulation I’ve come to enjoy?

But at least it didn’t hurt!

For some people, anal might never not hurt. They might even enjoy it, but there will always be some pain (in fact, I might well be one of these people, but one never knows what the future holds). So you’ve got a pain-free anal session going for you! Have you made more progress? Maybe we need another update.

Some time ago I confessed about a dream I had in which I was having a three way with my girlfriend and someone else. I am not used to flirting with and fooling around with someone else that I am not in a relationship with, it was never something I did. Today we had a friend over and had some fun. We didn’t ”go all the way” but we did have a fun time with each other’s bodies. It was our first time doing it together so we took it slow and easy. Seeing my girlfriend passionately kiss another girl and then have them both take turns doing so with me was mind blowing. I spent a good portion of the time thinking I was going to wake up from a dream that I didn’t want to stop. We ended up spending close to two or three hours just feeling, touching, and kissing each other. I am now eagerly waiting for the next time we all get together because now were used to each other and can have even more fun. After it was all done I am not regretting it in th e least and I find I love my girlfriend even more. So I guess thanks QP, you kind of made this all possible, it was a dream come true.

So glad it has worked out for you so far!

So…I wrote a confession before, well two actually, about the boyfriend with the beautiful penis. And then the boyfriend who made me have faith again in humanity and you said that if he would like to offer any tips then to share them? Well he did. http://southeastsexandsanity.blogspot.com/2011/05/orgasmsrus.html I might be biased but it really worked for him/me.

There’s obviously no one-size-fits-all method for being good at sex, but damn, that sounds pretty good to me. I’m also really enjoying his blog, so he should definitely keep posting. Or else… well, nothing. I just like it is all.

Got a secret of a sexual bent? Submit it here and read it later. Highly gratifying!

This is a public service announcement: Bisexuals exist. Sometimes I get sick of people pulling the “phase” card, telling us to make up our minds, or assuming that once we start fucking people of one sex that means we’ve sworn off people of another. There is even a TV Trope about this (warning: TV Trope link goes to TV Tropes, so prepare to lose your day if you click).

Some people just get to have more options than you do. Deal with it.

This public service announcement is also a ConTuesday that features people who really can (and perhaps even do) have it both ways.

I’m dying to have a MMF threesome, but my boyfriend has gotten into this rut of non openness and the idea of it being the death of our relationship. I don’t really think I would want him to be a part of it tho’, I would actually rather find an established male bi-sexual couple who want to play with each other as much as me. I want it to be fun and giving, and flirty. I’ve done it with toys, but I want the physical sensation of being between 2 warm bodies. Just the thought of it makes me quiver and get wet.

I’ve never had an MMF threesome, and it’s a huge fantasy. But I have to say, I’d rather have a “devil’s threesome” where no one felt like it was the consolation prize of threesomes. I’d rather just forgo it than have to deal with two guys trying to avoid each other trying to have a 100% heterosexual experience with me. So two bi guys? Yum.

I love my boyfriend. I love his personality, I love his quirks. I love how geeky he is. In bed, he’s perfect. He’s sexy, he turns me on, he’s ok with my sleeping with the ladies (because, you know, sometimes you just want boobs.), he likes being dominating, oh how I love being submissive. The problem is, I had a great sex drive… I was ready for sexy times at the drop of a hat… and he has health problems. Of the, sex is limited because ow my body hurts bad and I just can’t sort. It got to the point where it made me feel terrible to so much as suggest sex, much less actually having sex, even if he initiated, because it would put him out of commission the rest of the day. And then he’d feel terrible because I used to love sex, and now I just can’t get into it. And I’d feel terrible for making him feel terrible.

I’m not old enough for this yet. I love him, but I miss sex with him.

Trying to have a good sex life while working around your health issues can be really, really frustrating for everyone involved. Hope you guys have figured out a way that works for you! Also, ha you’re bi you exist ha!

So, over the course of an extremely raunchy (and fun!) marathon sex session last night, my boyfriend of 18 months came out to me that he is bi. He seemed a little surprised (and relieved) that I wasn’t squicked out by the fact at all.

Hey, I figure I’m bi, he’s bi, as long as we keep communication open and play safe, there could be a lot of fun to be had!

Bi-on-bi love is a beautiful thing. Also, in order to accomplish it you have to have two bisexuals who also exist. Just saying.

I had a friend who was a pre-op transsexual. I wasn’t attracted to him, but it was intriguing, the penis with breasts. I mean I didn’t find him at ALL hot, but his cock was huge and and there was something very sweet and accommodating about his way. That was some strange and singular sex. I think I was his last big hoo-rah, and I think I’ll never be curious again about sex with a man with boobs. Now, sex with a man AND with a woman with boobs, otoh…

I have a bit of a crush on a woman who happens to be trans. No idea what’s going on under her clothes, but I do know that she is so freaking cute and I am equipped to deal with any eventuality. Why? Cause bi!

When I think of things I’ve wanted my entire life, the word “adventure” seems to come up a lot. I think deep down I’ve always wanted to captain a pirate ship in a sea populated by mermaids and monsters.

I used to define the perfect partner as someone who wanted to have adventures with me, and who made them better just being a part of them.

Now, generally, having a small fraction of the energy a healthy person has, it’s hard for me to get too ambitious and exotic. I have to carefully ration energy for everything I do. But trying something new is pretty much always, always worth the drain.

It does not hurt if there are orgasms involved.

I spent last night making out with and tickle-fighting my gay best friend and a mutual female friend (who, like me, IDs as straight). It was my first threeway play and my first time kissing another woman, and it was awesome! Not horny or romantic, just all friendsy and fun and biting and tickling and kissing. His housemates had to have heard us shrieking.

This is exactly how I imagine mermaids behaving. Yar.

My boyfriend loves my ass. I’ve never delved much into anal play before him, but I’m enjoying it… or maybe it’s the multiple orgasms he gives me before the anal play, which certainly eliminate any chance of tensing up.

Sometimes, while he’s got me bent over, he’ll reach into the Fun Drawer for some lube and start playing while he’s fucking me.

Last night, after a session of that, he turned to me and said ”It was just there, and it looked so good….”

I of course responded with ”So, you’re saying that my ass is like Everest?”

I think I love you. Because you’re awesome.

So I am a 21-year-old, relatively good-looking, frighteningly-intelligent, incredibly boring male, to the extent that I’ve never managed to keep a girlfriend interested for more than 3 months. Nor have I managed to get laid with a girlfriend, girl at a party, etc.

(It’s not that I can’t converse for hours on end about almost any subject. I’m just quite apathetic about almost everything.)

Instead, my entire sexual history consists of 2 visits to a bordello in Berlin.

The first time was… okay. While the prostitute was really nice (and gorgeous), I had no clue what I was doing. In addition, being significantly larger than the average male, the normal-size condom was cutting off my circulation something fierce, and I just couldn’t stay hard. All in all, I exhausted myself pounding away for an hour and a half.

Yesterday, I visited again. Much better. I specifically asked for a magnum condom right off the bat–she waffled around a bit, the whole ”you’ll be fine with a normal,” at which point I mentioned that I’m 8.5”. She got one.

Also, she was REALLY horny. As in, soaking when she stripped her panties off. We started off with mutual oral, and she stopped several times because I was somehow actually getting her off! She kindly thanked me for my consideration.

We did the typical missionary, doggy, and her-on-top missionary, and during the lattermost I managed to bring her off twice more (NOTHING feels better than a woman cumming around your penis), and ended up with a lake on my stomach from her enthusiasm! Sadly, my staying power–who’s heard of a noob who doesn’t shoot off at the drop of a hat?–meant that I didn’t cum before the hour and a half was up. I played it off as ”yeah, I usually go for hours on end. No worries!”

I found that interesting. Maybe if you choose to date in future you could lead with that? On second thought, that might be more of a third date conversation…

She spontaneously put her finger in my ass, and I liked it some, despite my faint inate phobias. But it rubbed it raw. To do this again, I’m going to have to ask her to use lube or even a device or gloves. And that’s just planning out anal exploration a bit more than I think that I can openly do, and still be a straight man.

Yes, I’m completely aware of how stupid this sounds.

You don’t sound stupid. You sound scared. And with the tons of shame piled on guys if they don’t adhere to demoralizingly rigid standards, it’s not surprising.

But pretty near every man alive has a prostate. So don’t think for a second that you’re alone.

Have adventures to brag about? You know I want them.

I made up one hundred people and asked each of them their favorite source of anonymous internet sex confessions on websites with cartoon mascots. Would you believe that 38 of them indicated ConTuesdays right here on quizzicalpussy.com was absolutely unrivaled? Such is the power of ConTuesday.

Today we have one confession quite long, and one short-but-sweet confession.

I had the oddest dream last night, and I’m hoping you’ll get something out of it.

I dreamt that I was involved in a pornographic photo shoot as a contestant of sorts- apparently I had to be a winner of a contest in order to get involved. (Somewhere along the way it had a side-diversion into sibling incest where one party had a bag over their head, but I digress.) After walking through a crowded office where my contact gave various demeaning comments on the photographers (”Oh, I would’ve give you to that ancient.” ”He couldn’t shoot a barn properly,”) I ended up in a semi-outdoor pool area with roughly fifteen other contestants. The women all wore bikinis and were generally college aged, whereas the men were a little rounder in both age bracket and appearance.

There was a man leading the contest, telling us that we were vying for position in the next bracket of the contest. The women had already gone by the time I’d arrived. The announcer told us the nature of the game was that we, the men, were to ”assume the position” and be bent over a bench on the far side of the pool, legs spread, while the women shot at us with what looked to be cannons. Sure enough, they fired cannonballs (soft ones,) and they were aiming for our anus.

The twist? We also had to dress as pirates for this. I was in a red and yellow tube-smock, bent over a bench with hot girls trying to shoot a cannonball up my ass. And I couldn’t be more turned on by it.

(To finish the story, I’ll continue. This was part of the dream as well, and I feel compelled to share, even if it’s TL:DR.)

After being shot at by the ladies (I was last to go, since I was last to arrive) and they all pretty well failed to hit more than my sack, I was advanced to the next round. What I wasn’t told was that the next round involved floating around in an inner tube with a stick up in the air, while someone on the other side of a wall none of us could see over shot oversized rings into the air. The women and men both pushed and manuevered to get the ring to land on their stick, and I unfortunately didn’t quite figure this out until the last thirty seconds of the round.

As I was cast aside from the current group, I noticed a blonde girl on the far side of the first pool that I knew from school. I pulled the announcer aside and told him, ”hey, I want another shot at the ringtoss.” He decided that not only was he going to be a prick, but my chance at continuation was going to depend on mine- ”Fine, but this time, the ring toss is closer, and you have to catch with your dick. Are you sure it’s long enough?” I proceeded to tell him that while I was roughly 4-5” at the moment (semi-soft) I could reach 9.5” if properly aroused. Amusingly, the blonde heard this also, and I grinned, telling the announcer ”Let her do it, the one in the blue. I’ve been wanting to show it off to her for a while now.” She blushed, I caught the rings, and got a date out of it.

—-

I had another dream a bit later on, where as a result of my winning, an old friend was willing to let me and her bf DP her. (Must’ve won a bet!) I told her that I wanted picture proof that she was ready, that I wasn’t going to half-ass (har har) things with her this time. I received on my phone a series of images of her bf balls-deep in her rectum, so I decided to head over to her area to seal the deal. However, as I was kneeling down to slide in, someone came by wearing a welding mask (at this point I suddenly recognized that we were in some sort of industrial factory) and nearly pulled me off of her, demanding to know what I was doing. After taking a walk away, and talking to who ended up being a cute woman, I convinced her that everything was on the up and up. Apparently satisfied, she was about to let me go, until she paused and asked me if I was indeed involved in the photo-shoot contest or not. Suprised, I responded yes, I was, and she asked if I could in deed reach 9.5” if I was ”so inspired.” Blushing, I replied in the affirmative, and I was rewarded with quite a large grin, her phone number and an admonishment that I’d better not wait long before calling her. A slap on my ass later and I was heading back to my friend, slightly bewildered and, again, extremely turned on.

(hope you enjoyed my two stories, I had to share them with someone whom I thought might enjoy them as I have.)

Recently I was trying to tell Laramy and Viola about a dream I had about blossoming lesbians and a good deal of weird psychotropic drug trafficking. It had been such an intricate plot at the time, and I so little conscious while observing it, it just unraveled and slipped through my fingers as I tried to describe it. So I gave up and we all just fucked instead.

I feel like I have earned the right to say I’m kinky after my partner spanked, caned, paddled me hard and long enough 8 days ago that I still have a big deep purple bruise on my ass. I love knowing something all my friends and colleagues don’t, and I loved the fact that it hurt to sit down for 2 days afterwards :-)

Yay!

Want to confess? Right here.

ConTuesday! Anonymous secrets. Fresh from my online form to my email to you. Well, they may have sat a little. To age. Like wine, you see…

My best friend recently got involved in the kink scene thanks to me. I introduced her around, brought her to a few kinky events- and I regret it so much. She is a perfect 10, smart, funny, GORGEOUS!!! Now I feel like all the guys and girls who were once interested in me now turn towards her and I hate it. I feel like I can’t say anything though because she is my best friend. I love her and I am glad she is so accepting of me and my kinks, but sometimes I wish I had just left her in her vanilla world so I didn’t have to share my kinky friends/potential play partners with her.

I feel for you, so hard, honey. You are basically living my nightmare, especially because it would feel all-too familiar to be passed over for a “shinier” friend. Is it at all possible, though, that you’re letting yourself get psyched out and ending up sabotaging your conquests because you feel threatened? You might be a lot more enticing than you think, even next to your superthreat friend.

My fantasy is I would like to be fucking
one girl, while I am finger fucking another
girl and also sucking the tits of another girl. And while all this is going on I want
other girls playing with my ass and my tits. Then when we finnish, I want to start all over again with a different set of girls. This fantasy is impossible but HOT.

Nothing is impossible. They’re just varying degrees of improbable. Admittedly, this could be perpetual-motion-machine improbable, depending on several variables.

See, this is why I wish we had holodecks!

Since fisting had always felt like it’d be this huge undertaking, requiring so much time, effort, and patience, it was almost anticlimactic when his fist fit up in me so (relatively) easily. Almost.

But was it awesome? I hear it’s awesome.

I’ve got a bit of an anal fettish, but my wife has not really been into it. She’s tried some stuff with me but with very limited success on her end, so I haven’t really pushed the issue. However, last night I was licking her clit and working her pussy with a vibrator when she asked me to shove it in her ass and fuck her. So I did. And she made the most wonderful orgasm screams. It was freaking awesome! Crap, I got hard just typing that out.

…and possibly just now reading it!

Any deep, dark, dirty secrets? Give em here.

ConTuesday is here! Let’s begin.

My current boyfriend is the first one ever that I haven’t cheated on.

You’re either growing as a person or your boyfriend is one sexy man. Maybe both. Sweet!

I’d rather fuck someone on a first date than blow them. I always freak out the first time I go down on a guy and I know panic attacks aren’t sexy. I have no such problem with women.

Having to go around the bases in order is boring anyway.

I’m the newly-married-certainly-not-a-

virgin-anymore!

To say sex is amazing would be insulting to sex! I think my head has blown off a couple times, hehe.

I did end up with a bruised cervix after 3+ times a day honeymoon sex, that wasn’t fun. Even now, most positions are a tad painful, boo. It’s still awesome though.

Yay for sex! :)

Congratulations! I think you’re the fourth confessor from this ConTuesday. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, and yeah, bruised cervices are super ouchy.

My stepdad is all happy because I’ve been watching football with him lately. Little does he know that I’m spending most of the time fantasizing about being gang-raped by a team of football players!

I think the bonding probably goes a little smoother that way.

I’m happily in a committed relationship with a girl I’ve asked to marry me. Now, I know that they say the sex stops once the ring’s on her finger, but her drive is strong enough that I’m not worried about that.

Thing is, I’m not usually much on going down on her. And as I think most ladies would agree, that’s high on the list of ”Yes please!”
I just can’t get into it.. unless I take my Ambien. Then I turn into an oral monster, going to town on her while experiencing what feels like a one sided opera argument in my head.

When I was done, she was unable to move and told me it’d actually hurt to come again. Anyone else have this sort of experience mixing hallucinogenic sleep aides and sex?

Aaaaaand I’m off to the pharmacy. Check you guys later.

Hit me with your best secret.