Steak and Blowjob vs. Pi
Steak and Blowjob Day
Let it be known: I like steak. I like blowjobs. There can be no bad here, right?
Kinda.
The thing that gets me about Steak and Blowjob Day is the connection to Valentine’s day, the suggestion that “Welp, last month you ladies got yours, so pay up!”
This assumes a great deal about Valentine’s Day. Hell, before it even gets that far it assumes that relationships are heterosexual male/female dyads where the male has a penis. And likes blowjobs. And thinks romance is poppycock.
Valentine’s Day, therefore, is for the ladies. Women like to feel appreciated through expensive gifts, sappy poetry, and portable music players held aloft. Men, on the other hand, like to feel appreciated through sexual favors and red meat.
If people spend Valentine’s Day making small, appreciative gestures and fucking one another’s brains out, or ignoring it entirely, I’m not sure if the system breaks down or what. All I know is that it’s definitely not manly to crave or enjoy romance. A warm mouth and a bloody steak? That’s manly.
(I hope I don’t have to point out here that lots of guys– manly guys– want to feel romanced from time to time, lots of women prefer sexual attention, and the love of a good steak knows no gender.)
See where things get a little creepy? I hope? Of course it’s all in good fun, but it’s also operating on some stereotypes that I wouldn’t mind killing dead. I mean, if you want to have a steak and give and/or receive a blowjob today, that’s awesome, but don’t fall prey to the idea that it’s any sort of payment for romantic services rendered, or that all women prefer candy and a bear dressed up like a gynecologist to oral sex. Also don’t cook the steak well done. That kinda ruins it.
Pi Day
Is the winner. Full stop.
I can find no logical fallacy contained therein. Pie is delicious, and it goes well with everything with the possible exception of diabetes. Including steak, blowjobs, cunnilingus, and other pie.
Anyway, you know how if you make a special day for something how it can actually end up happening less throughout the year because it’s already been assigned, completed, and taken care of? Kind of like those people who go to church just on Easter?
That’s certainly never going to happen to pie.
Happy Pi Day!
The solution is clear. February 14 is Valentine’s Day; March 14 is Pi Day; April 14 is Steak and Blowjobs Day; May 14 is Cake and Cunnilingus Day; and so on and so forth, until every month has a food- and sex/math-themed holiday.
But *I* like steak and blowjobs!
…Maybe we can take turns?