Sin shopping
I remember a time when I was mortified to buy tampons. This was before self-checkout was widespread, and there were no real ways to work around that slow, petrified slog up to the register to hand the cashier unassailable evidence that I had a vagina, and that stuff came out of it.
Then I got over it, laughed at myself, and was afraid to buy condoms and spermicide products. When I filled my prescription for birth control I could tell myself a little story about how I was really on it to regulate my periods so this wasn’t about sex, even though it had this amazing side effect of greatly reducing my risk of pregnancy! But the condoms, the contraceptive eggs: those decisively pointed to the fact that stuff also went in my vagina, and that I was doing everything I could to facilitate the process.
But after you’ve bought condoms enough dozen times that wears off too, and the scariness goes out of the adventure. You don’t have to buy other stuff to buffer the potential shock a cashier might have, thinking that maybe you’re going to leave that store and go have sex immediately, forsooth! You don’t have to avoid the male-manned registers in fear of leering smiles. You just don’t care anymore, unless they happen to not have your favorite brand in stock.
My last hold-out was lube. For a while there, I could buy almost anything without a blink, save lube. See, I usually only use lube for anal play/sex, so there’s an extra stat boost in transgression that a cashier might judge you like really harshly, and oh wait, they don’t fucking care what I buy!
I think it’s part of growing up to realize that it’s not that big a deal to buy any product in a store that routinely stocks it.
A new standard for maturity. Want to vote? Can you buy condoms or tampons without embarrassment? Want a drink? Non-blushing lube purchase recently?
Probably needs tweaking, but can it be worse than the current system?
@aczarnowski …Or, if you want to be a parent, you should be perfectly fine buying contracep… oh, shit. That sort of self-selects the other way, doesn’t it? Does doom have two “o”s, or eleven?
Oh man, I still have this problem with underwear. Something in me still believes that I’m so unbelievably hideous that the clerk will look at the lacy strappy unmentionables, look back up at my face, and get a mental image that renders them helpless with laughter. And I will simply die on the spot.
I can still only do condoms with a disguising purchase. It’s never just condoms, it’s gotta be shampoo and cookies and a magazine and “oh what the heck, might as well throw some condoms in there while I’m at it!”
Talk about a look from a cashier…..one early morning, about 3am, I have to run to the drug store for a pregnancy test for my wife. I’m in full hunting camo. I told the clerk that I test the deer beforehand so I don’t harvest a pregnant deer. I wish that I had a picture of his face.
I haven’t had to buy condoms in so long. I distribute condoms on my campus through the Great American Condom Campaign and Planned Parenthood, so I usually have at least 500 condoms in my apartment at any given time. They are intended to be given out to college students for free and, hey, I’m a college student…
Take comfort in the knowledge that when I worked at a drugstore, I quickly learned that the most-stolen item by far — way more than condoms, pads, tampons, and even expensive aftershave — was Preparation H. Now *there’s* something people don’t want to put on the counter.
There’s not much you can buy that will really shake up a clerk…unless you turn up dressed in camo. :)
@Holly Pervocracy !
Sometimes I think you’re kind of a dick to yourself.
@JRM That’s. Awesome.
When I worked at a drugstore, I did notice what people bought, but mostly I just felt happy for them if they were getting condoms. Like, I wish I could have high fived them, professionally.
Although once a guy and a disgruntled looking girl came through my line with only two products, desensitizing condoms and ManDelay, and I just couldn’t look the guy in the eyes. Poor couple.
The first time I bought condoms, I didn’t know what kind to get. I looked at what was available and thought, “well, strong is good, right?” So I got the infamous red pack. And, for unrelated purposes, I got Vaseline. I got a really odd look from the clerk. Later I figured out that she was probably thinking: “He’s gonna give some guy AIDs. Do I tell him the Vaseline will dissolve the latex? I gotta tell him. I can’t tell him.”
On the bright side, I did find out that if you’re being stared and whispered at by a pack of older adolescent males while browsing the condoms, confidently selecting the pack of Magnums will make them fuck right off without a further word.
@JRM
Epic. Truly epic.
I’ll be honest, I eventually got around the whole buying condoms and lube thing by ordering online in bulk. I keep justifying it to myself as “poor college student needs to save money for food,” but I also don’t like buying them in person. Might have something to do with the creep who always seems to be working the checkout when I have to do a late-night condom run. He’s one of those rare “stare and comment” people.
Buying lingerie, though? I’ve always got to have a cover purchase if it’s anywhere but a lingerie store. Body wash, tissues, a pack of pens, and oh look at that cute g-string!
If we’re not adult enough to buy sex products, are we adult enough to be risking the ramifications of sex?