Home > Sex Toys! > Paint your pussy (pink) with labia dye!
08 Jan

Paint your pussy (pink) with labia dye!

I already tweeted about this, but I couldn’t leave it alone. When I was a kid I used to chew on the inside of my cheek when I got anxious or bored. The skin would start to get ragged and then it would be even harder not to gnaw on, and it became this vicious cycle of livid pink injury. That’s pretty much exactly how I feel about My New Pink Button. And by that I mean it seems a product of anxiety and boredom, it appears completely pointless, and I just can’t leave it alone even though (or maybe because) I already touched it.

My New Pink Button™ is labia dye. Did you ever think you’d see labia dye? Because honestly, I didn’t. Sometimes, it seems, a woman’s labia change color over the course of her life. According to the product’s website, “Yes, it’s perfectly normal and there are many factors that can contribute to this. Ethnicity is a big factor, also age, hormone change, surgeries, childbirth, sickness, health, diet, and medications can all contribute to a change from “Pink” to “Brown” in a woman’s genital area.”

…So, what you’re saying is that it’s perfectly healthy and normal for women of different ethnicities, ages, and states of health and reproduction to have different colored vulvas? And there’s nothing wrong with it that at all…

…that a little cosmetic dye won’t fix?? Awesome!

I’ve never really thought about pussy colors before. I have noticed different pussy colors, but I haven’t really thought of them as having any sort of a hierarchy. I mean, if you want to dye your labia, have at it! The more things you can dye, the more fun and interesting life is. What bothers me here is that while My New Pink Button™ offers four different colors for your labia-dying needs, all four of them are pink. Does that seem right to you?

The four different shades range from a light baby pink (called Marilyn) to a rosy burgundy pink (called Audry). The other two, Bettie and Ginger, are also– you guessed it– pink! If I’m going to dye my vulva, I want more options. I want a crayola box full of labia possibilities. I want an alien pussy, is what I’m trying to say. That’s what I will pay you $30 for: an alien pussy or nothing. Got that? Also, I slightly resent that this product is suggesting that my labia are supposed to be a certain color. Why is pinker better? This is probably the one thing to hate about my body that hasn’t yet occurred to me, and My New Pink Button™ is trying to fuck that up! This is just like the discussion I had with several male friends last summer where I learned that all of them consider large clitorises (did you know “clitorides” is the other plural form of clitoris, by the way?) amazingly attractive, and I suddenly realized– without ever considering it before– that my tiny clitoris is inadequate. And now maybe my labia aren’t “Bettie” enough? Are you just fucking kidding me?

Yes, I’ve gotten out the hand mirror before. Which of us has not? But never specifically to scope out color. So I immediately brandished my trusty mirror and went to studying my naughty bits:

  • I’m not familiar with the etiquette involved, so I’m not sure if it’s obnoxious to say that I think my labia minora are kind of cute. They’re not exactly symmetrical, but they fold together like two little petals of a delicate budding flower. I literally just looked at them and said “awwww” out loud. (I suspect my attraction to them has a lot to do with the fact that they’re mine and we’ve had countless orgasms together, which is very bonding.)
  • My clitoris is really, terribly small. :(
  • Looking at my pussy makes me horny. Is that normal? Oh well. Don’t care. (brb. fapping.)
  • Oh right. Color. I guess my labia are pink. I’d say they’re just about EE9572 in hex; fairly close (though not quite so ZOMG pink!) to the My New Pink Button™’s “Ginger” shade. But my skin is so candescently pale that it doesn’t really “do” brownish.
  • Are my labia pink enough? Sure. They’re labia, not my sixth birthday party.
  • Would I be dismayed if they suddenly became less pink? Maybe even (doom!) browner? I’m trying to imagine this bothering me. I really am. Look, I have trouble walking most days. Kittens are born without homes. Somewhere, someone is mistaking “its” with “it’s”. I have a minuscule clitoris. Please understand, I have enough problems. I really just can’t care about the color of my labia right now.

But some women apparently care, which is why this product exists and has five whole testimonials! And if this makes them feel better about their bodies or lives in any way, that’s awesome and I’m excited for them. However, if “labia must be pink!” is the new “labia must be small, smooth, and even!” I’m about to get grumpy. Although, come to think of it, I much prefer silly pink dye to drastic elective surgery. But can’t it just be time yet to decide that pussies are sexy just the way they are, and natural variety is part of what makes them so? No? It can’t? Didn’t fucking think so.

  1. January 8th, 2010 at 11:08 | #1

    How about green? That would be great! I could put on my Captain Kirk costume, see could dress up as an Orion Slave Girl, and I could put a check mark next to that one on the fantasy list.

  2. quizzical pussy
    January 9th, 2010 at 17:01 | #2

    @Robert Seriously. That would be living the dream. Where is My New Green Button™ already?

  3. January 10th, 2010 at 21:50 | #3

    Holy crap, labia dye. I have five questions:

    1) How precise is this? Can I do henna-style designs? Conversely, if I get a little on my thigh by accident, is it going to leave a big pink blotch?

    2) Will this work on a penis? What if a man’s penis is the wrong color? Some men have very brown penises, you know. That just won’t do.

    3) Does retro-pinup-style art make anything hip and feminist? If I put Rosie The Riveter on my gel pushup bra, is it now hip and feminist?

    4) How much does a guy actually see your labia during sex anyway? It seems like he’s only directly facing your vulva during oral sex and then he’s too close and at the wrong angle to really make out detail, and the rest of the time there’s a hand or his crotch pretty much obscuring them.

    5) I double dog dare you to take a shot of labia dye.

    I love your blog, by the way. I need to comment more.

  4. quizzical pussy
    January 11th, 2010 at 22:12 | #4

    @Holly Pervocracy I feel like I should take one for the team and order some. But really, it’s hard to decide between this and a brand new hymen for the money. Also, I feel like a gel pushup bra is automatically super hip and feminist because it’s hot. I mean… uh… subversive.

    And thanks! I love your blog too! Bunches. :)

  5. Retro
    January 21st, 2010 at 06:04 | #5

    >Oh right. Color. I guess my labia are pink. I’d say they’re just about EE9572 in hex;

    My *GOD* I love geek girls!

  6. quizzical pussy
    January 21st, 2010 at 23:26 | #6

    @Retro Yay! Me too! Also, I’m geeked (no pun intended) that someone liked that reference. :)

  7. dub hero
    May 28th, 2011 at 20:55 | #7

    i love pussy. pussy is life

  8. Hanoinantee
    December 24th, 2012 at 08:10 | #8
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