ConTuesday! Puddingbear accommodates
I’m writing this ConTuesday from inside a lion, and it’s rather dark in here.
Hey Ambien guy! The only way I could have sex with my ex-girlfriend was when I was on Ambien. However, now that I’m with my boyfriend I don’t need it anymore. Good riddance.
I hope no one ever says about me, “QP? Oh, I had to chuck her once I ran out of Ambien refills. Could only stand to sleepfuck her.” Here’s the original Ambien confession, for those interested (look at the last one of the bunch).
I’m afraid I might be sexually racist. Ever since I started going out with my boyfriend, who is black, I only find black people attractive. Actually, not only black people – I’m just not attracted to white men any more.
I feel like white people have enough attraction (and other) privilege that I’m finding it very difficult to get offended here. When this shit doesn’t happen anymore, then I’ll probably be able to work up some genuine indignation.
Of course, it’s a fine line between appreciating and fetishizing, innit, but that’s a whole entire entry that I’m actually working on currently, amazingly enough. Generally, though, not being attracted to just one group doesn’t make a good case that you’re fetishizing all the other groups. Those poor white guys will just have to live with this one, I fear.
My boyfriend and I have been actively seeing each other for about a month now, and the super hormonal god I want you now… and now…. and now… phase is still in full swing. I’m not sure it’s ever going to die off, actually, which I’m totally ok with.
We got a couple of toys for V day just for funsies. He’s always been of the opinion that if you need props for sex you’re doing it wrong, so he was skeptical. He’s sort of become a believer after giving me rolling orgasms with the little finger vibe, though.
I swear he’s going to make me pass out playing with that thing….
So maybe you don’t strictly need props. Maybe they just help you make your girlfriend pass out.
So I started dating this guy and against all my normal standards not only did I sleep with him on the first date, but I took him to my place to sleep with him. It was mind blowing sex up until the point he decided to choke me. I had talked about this with a previous partner and could never bring myself to even try. So when this Bad Boy just up and did it, forget mind blowing, it was out of this world!!!!! While talking a few days later, it came up in conversation and I told him it freaked me out but I enjoyed it, but he hasn’t done it since. The whole fear of suffication keeps me from asking him to do it again, even though I enjoyed it. Why can’t he just go back to being the man who takes control in bed??????
Since you already told him it freaked you out, that’s what he’s focusing on. Yes, you told him you enjoyed it, but he’s more interested in not freaking you out. So if you want more choking, you’re probably going to have to have a conversation. You don’t have to ask for it in the moment. “Puddingbear,” you might say one evening over hard cider and steeled courage, “That first time we hooked up and you got deliciously aggressive and choked me a little? That was really, really good for me. I came metric buckets, to be honest. Could that happen more often? Because that would be super.”
Trust me, neither you nor Puddingbear regrets this conversation.
(Future me popping in here to suggest that you and anyone interested in choking/breath play read this, per ozymandias’ responsible suggestion in comments, and adding that the potential danger of this play is all the more reason to communicate about it rather than just letting it happen in the heat of the moment.)
Got a secret? Get typing.
As someone who enjoyed being choked, I have to point out this (http://www.telecomassociation.com/pubs/chokinggamereport/files/aea3.htm) about the risks of choking play. It is VERY dangerous edge play and should only be undertaken with full knowledge of the risks and with a safesignal. (Mine was “I move, at all, you stop.”) I was taking a lot of risks by practicing breathplay without a partner certified in CPR. This shit is DANGEROUS.
And the risk does not go away if you don’t ask him to choke you. Rather the reverse, in fact.
I don’t think Penny would want me to choke her. Maybe I should ask though. Sometimes I’ve put my hands around her neck when we’re banging but never squeezed.
I do love Tuesdays! Come for the freak show and stay because I’m one of the freaks! :P
@ozymandias Thank you very much for pointing that out!
I’m right there with Ozymandias.
I’m disturbed by the thought of someone performing a dangerous (I almost said “potentially dangerous,” but let’s call a spade a spade here) act on you without asking. See, sex while being held in a life-threatening position by someone stronger than you begins to sound like your ability to say “No” has been taken away, and you have given up your ability to consent. Which isn’t just spitting across the Rape line– it’s dancing all over it.
Admittedly my partner who choked me choked me without asking. On the other hand, it wasn’t during sex, he didn’t press hard and as soon as I gestured for him to stop, he stopped. And I bitched at him afterwards about it. :)
I’m afraid I might be sexually racist.
Well, first, if you’re attracted to a certain set of physical features and not others that happen to follow an ethnicity, it’s kind of sad for you because it narrows your set of potential dates, but it’s not racist. But if it were…
I feel like white people have enough attraction (and other) privilege that I’m finding it very difficult to get offended here.
Because two wrongs make a right, and it’ll be just fine if hatred and prejudice are aimed at everybody in equal measure. QP, I don’t want to be mean but unlike the first commenter, that is racist. You’re saying it’s OK to be prejudiced against white men because there are lots of people who like white women, and there’s no way to come to that conclusion unless you are thinking of races as some kind of real connected group rather than a bunch of individuals.
@Mousie762 My response was meant in a teasing way because I did not believe racism to be an issue here. However, races are groups (as well as being made up of individuals), especially when it comes to privilege. I wanted to point out that privilege– particularly dating privilege in this case– exists. Because it does.
OR I might hate white people. Pick one.
@ozymandias *sighs* My girlfriend is VERY into being choked. I can never do it to her, but I know she sometimes restricts her own breathing when she masturbates and it drives me NUTS. I worry about her so much, but I don’t know what to do.