Home > ConTuesday > ConTuesday! Data, dicks, and daydreams
07 Jun

ConTuesday! Data, dicks, and daydreams

ConTuesday is upon us! Read on for your weekly dose of internet confessions.

You are DEFINITELY not the only girl who grew up wanting to bone Data in Star Trek. I was barely old enough to know what sex was when I decided I reckoned I could teach that android how to feel a few things.

I have a feeling that there are enough of us out there to make Brent Spiner a very happy man for the rest of his life.

I tried to comment there, but for some reason it didn’t work. *shakes fist* so here:
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I hate to admit it because she’s the most popular woman in porn right now (as far as I’m concerned), but I -love- Sunny Lane. Eager, excited, loves her job, comes at the drop of a hat… and it doesn’t hurt that she looks much like more than one of my lovers (is that weird?) Did you know her parents are her managers? Strange but true. Also, her (one) anal sex scene is super hot.

I, too, love Tristan Toarmino, whether she’s in a movie or directing it.

Beyond that, I rely on Ifeelmyself.com . I even had a friend on there, once, which was pretty hot. torrent up a few, so worth it.

–Crispin

Porn stars, like indie bands, just aren’t cool anymore once other people like them. That’s why my favorite porn stars are all webcam performers I found on craigslist Rhode Island.

Yes, Crispin, I am calling you out as a porn hipster. Also agreeing that Sunny Lane is well adorable.

I’ve always been sort of … negative in my opinion of myself, often in spite of specific evidence to the contrary. I’m poly, I’m married, I have two girlfriends and some other, less well defined sex partners. I figured I was, y’know, average, and the ladies were just trying to be nice. But I guess, after years of being told I’m large and know how to use it, and having gotten several of those occasional partners by direct reference, I have to actually accept it.

I know, an anonymous confession on the internet, from a guy, about how he’s got a big cock. How believable is that? *shrug* You said you wanted to hear something good, however, and it’s the most positive thing I can think of to say about myself. :)

I’m actually inclined to believe you, a guy posting to ConTuesday about how he has a big cock, partially because ConTuesday is anonymous so where’s the endgame? But also because you didn’t give fantasy inches. “My 10-inch tool” (or whatever) seen digitally always smacks of the over-elaboration that accompanies wishful thinking.

Similarly, when you are a silly girl in Middle School writing fiction, all your heroines have violet eyes with sapphire ringing the pupils. And gold flecks.

Guy I gave my phone number to yesterday: I want you. I want to ride you until your knees buckle, your toes curl up and you temporarily lose higher motor function. I want our involuntary screams of pleasure at all hours of the morning to wake everyone else on the block. I want to tie you up and do unspeakable things to you, and I want you to tie me up too. I want to lie in a heap of quivering flesh and sweat-soaked bedsheets with you. I want to lick every sweet inch of you. I want a reason to buy condoms in bulk. I want you… but I’d settle for coffee, so call me, ok?

Holy shit, please tell me he called.

If not, every guy out there who received a number a couple months ago and never called: You will never know if this was you.

Got a secret? Tell me. Massive extra points if it turns me on.

  1. Anonymous
    June 7th, at 09:13 | #1

    Data is the best character in TNG for realz. I hope you’ve seen ‘Positronic Pimp’. If not, get thee to a search engine.

  2. June 7th, at 09:32 | #2

    #3: Let me guess. Bullied in middle school?

  3. quizzical pussy
    June 7th, at 13:38 | #3

    @Anonymous Okay, that was totally worth the googling.

    @ozymandias Sometimes I wonder if anyone wasn’t bullied in middle school, but that might be overly cynical.

  4. minuteye
    June 7th, at 15:13 | #4

    Regarding what you said about confessor #4: I now have this very humorous mental image of some guy desperately going through piles of discarded pieces of paper, crying out “WHERE DID I PUT THAT NUMBER!?!” because he wants his ‘sweet inches’ licked.

  5. Matt G
    June 7th, at 23:10 | #5

    @quizzical pussy
    I was bullied in Junior High (what we called Middle School). I was 6’4″, was an honors student, and wasn’t enormously handicapped by anything but being the tallest kid in the school with feet and hands to match. In short, we all were picked on.

    I beg my kids not to be those kids. I doubt that they are. But how could I know for sure?

  6. Josh
    June 8th, at 07:51 | #6

    “My 10 Inch Tool”.. sounds like a great hardware website. It’d put Lowe’s to shame.

    I used to have the same problem as that guy.. figured some girls just wanted a compassionate guy to also bone them silly.. when I asked my redheaded latina girlfriend of the time if I was “all right”, she snorted, laughed at me, and assured me I was plenty big enough for her. Eventually I got to believing it, but MAN, the opportunities for showing off I’d missed!

    Also, to #4… Can I have your number? Please?

  7. June 9th, at 00:29 | #7

    Data as a fantasy doesn’t surprise me at all. How different is it from a nerdy dude like me wanting a sexy girl bot to have my nasty way with? An anderoid could be a giant full featured sex toy. Spouse doesn’t want to give head tonight? Fine. Break out the android. Keep on lusting after Ol’ Yellow Eyes I say! He would be your favorite sex toy.

  8. June 9th, at 12:46 | #8

    The other appeal of Data is that he’d be so skilled and yet so innocent, so curious, and so eager to learn about this odd human experience of doing the squelchy.

  9. minuteye
    June 9th, at 17:58 | #9

    @weareallfromearth
    “doing the squelchy” is now my favourite euphemism for sex. Thank you.

  10. June 9th, at 22:52 | #10

    I’m afraid I can’t take the credit entirely – it was inspired by a Moffatism from a very early episode of the show Coupling.

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