17 Sep
Sex in public: You’re doing it wrong
So, you’re tooling around Wal-mart one day and suddenly you get wicked horny. Don’t ask me why. It occurs to you that the most reasonable thing to do at this point is pick up a magazine that features cleavage from the magazine rack, head over to the toy department, and whack off.
This is where your brilliant plan unravels a bit. Most of your seed has spilled on the tile floor, yes, but where are you going to wipe off the semen you accidentally got on your hand? You can’t use the Sports Illustrated you’re borrowing, because if you defile it you’ve bought it. Just then, you see a toy lightsaber. Lightsaber is Latin for jismrag, right? You’re a genius.
You know who you kind of remind me of? This winner.
On a semi-related note, I was in Wal-Mart with a friend last Christmas doing some shopping for his little brother (I swear that’s the only reason we were in the toy aisle…). We noticed this creepy-looking guy kind of milling around. We laughed about him behind his back.
Cut to later: we’re leaving the store and my friend stops just inside the automatic door area for some reason. I realize I’m suddenly walking alone, so I turn around and bump right into creepy-looking guy from the toy aisle. He shoves past me rudely. I find my friend and we’re about to leave when a bunch of employees run out–I figured they were looking for a shoplifter.
Turns out, creepy-looking guy exposed himself to a little girl on the bicycle aisle. I still kick myself for not tackling him in the parking lot when I had the chance, especially since he kinda pushed me. What a fucker.
what a wanker.