Narcissus on my buddy list
My ex Edwin and I have been talking a bit lately. I specifically don’t want to be the type of person who can’t be friends with exes, but the fact that I have a history of dating douchebags doesn’t help my cause there. But forgiveness is divine, I heard one time, and I can totally be divine if I set my mind to it.
I’m inclined to give Edwin a pass for a few different reasons, but the largest is that he really is so self-centered and socially clueless that he almost certainly never meant any harm, even when his behavior left a great deal to be desired. While I don’t want to date or fuck or even be close friends with prohibitively self-centered and socially clueless people (socially clueless is sometimes endearing to a point, but there are limits), I don’t mind a casual friendship with one here and there.
It’s weird to talk to an ex after a long period of no contact. Sure, he’s called me a few times sporadically on some pretext or other, but we stopped talking regularly last Fall, and now we seem to be inching toward a casual friendship point again. I guess. There’s something awkward about not knowing what you’re supposed to talk about, what’s going to open up old wounds or just plain be too personal. I pay attention to these things; I’m not sure he does.
In just a few conversations he’s mentioned a lot of odd and personal things, including but not limited to the following:
- He can’t go to the club without being hit on by all the ladies. (He’s mentioned this one on at least three separate occasions.)
- He lasts longer in bed than he used to.
- He’s so damn good-looking.
- The shower in his new residence is perfect for fucking in.
- He wants to find a Halloween costume this year that will show off his damn good-looking body.
It’s not that I have an issue with intimate disclosures (duh), but it all seems a little over-the-top, considering. Maybe he still harbors some resentment about the break up and wants to “[tell] me what I’m missing”, or maybe he thinks these are the sorts of things I’d be interested in because we’ve always been pretty candid in the past. Whatever the reason, these tidbits read as slightly off coming from an ex. Or possibly anyone else: I don’t want to hear anyone go on and on about what it’s like to be insanely fetching. Who even says that? It all ties in perfectly with his ongoing self-centered, socially clueless shtick.
I’m not exactly worried that he’s trying to entice me back or anything. Well, maybe a tiny bit, but I’m not vain enough to assume it. For now I’m just going to call it curious, funny, and slightly off-putting. Still well better than our relationship when we were dating, though!
He’s telling you because he wants you to want him. Doesn’t necessarily mean he wants you back, but if you want him, then he feels more powerful and gets a boost to his self-esteem.
@Mab That’s probably exactly so. I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for him, though, in that case.
Just going off what you’ve written about him before, he wasn’t a little harmlessly douchey–he was fucking abusive. So you wouldn’t be “the kind of person who can’t talk to her exes” if you didn’t give the time of day to HIM.
I suspect the narcissism is a ploy at “look what you could have had,” but it’s also just pure assholery from an asshole, sound slike.
Second Holly. This was this guy, right? He doesn’t need forgiveness or friendship, he needs someone to straighten his ass out and that’s not your job.
There is a point where self-centeredness can go so far it ceases to matter whether there was any intention to do harm or not, because it was irrelevant to the asshole.
It’s really hard to believe that this man talks to anyone without wanting something; Mab hit the nail on the head.
“There’s something awkward about not knowing what you’re supposed to talk about, what’s going to open up old wounds or just plain be too personal. I pay attention to these things; I’m not sure he does.”
I doubt he does because I doubt other people are real to him.
As a former single guy who also made it a point not to completely disengage from former significant others, I can tell you that this behavior is consistent with Wanting To Phuque. I promise you that he’s not been able to articulate this to himself, but he’s falling into the habit of talking about risquee topics with you, while at the same time presenting himself like a male turkey showing off his plumage.