Mouthy
I quite like giving oral sex. Putting the main focus on someone else’s pleasure has some amazing perks, like getting a chance to really notice how much they’re enjoying themselves, which sometimes gets obscured in the torrent of one’s own orgasms, where one is me.
Of course, sometimes I get off just sucking cock, but it’s not the fast and furious coming that happens when I’m getting penetrated. It gives me more leisure to enjoy the process, to survey the shivering, shuddering, gasping fruits of my labors.
This might be odd, but in a way I never feel as sexually powerful as when I’m giving, not accepting, an orgasm. Not dominant, not submissive, just powerful somehow. Or no, powerful is probably the wrong word. I guess it’s more that I feel most sexually useful when I’m concentrating on giving pleasure. And maybe that’s almost like something vaguely approaching feeling sexy. For me, at least.
Perhaps this is why it’s so important to me to believe that I’m good at giving head. Maybe that’s why I was so scared to have sex with women before I tried it. It was terrifying, imagining that I’d have nothing to offer a sex partner. I’d had enough positive feedback from men that I could reasonably believe I had a moderate level of proficiency at blowjobs, but I’d be starting from square one with a chick. And if that was the case, why should she even bother?
Luckily, eating pussy didn’t turn out to be the obscenely treacherous puzzle box that popular culture would have me believe (at least not the pussies I’ve eaten so far). I imagine that possessing female anatomy barely hurts the learning curve either. I’m not saying I’m a rockstar at it yet, but I’m not inept either!
Of course, there can be drawbacks to giving oral sex. Some people just don’t taste all that great (in my experience, these people most often have shitty diets, but my sample size isn’t large). Pubic hair isn’t designed for easy swallowing. Jaws get tired, tongues get sore. There are STDs to worry about (as with most any sexual contact, but it seems a lot harder to convince someone to use barriers with oral sex), and there’s the frustration that can come when you realize that you’ve just sated a partner beyond any hope of further fun.
Often these issues are greatly mitigated or simply absent, depending on whom you’ve chosen to interface with. Some people taste good, have been tested recently, are always eager to reciprocate.
But there’s one thing I can never get away from that makes giving oral sex (specifically blowjobs) kind of less awesome than perhaps they should be. Wrapping my lips tightly over my teeth to eliminate any untoward scraping, I somehow always end up cutting the inside of my upper lip with my two top incisors. If I give another blowjob before that’s healed, the cut gets worse, and so on. I think I might need a mouthguard. Or maybe some tips from my clever readers.
it’s so important to me to believe that I’m good at giving head
It’s extremely important to me too, and I figured out how to be more confident than “can reasonably believe”. You can be confident because of the nature of learning. If you like something and want to be good at it, you learn much faster. If you look for feedback and ways to get better, you learn to be better. If you practice, you learn to be better. You’ve done all those things a lot; therefore you’re going to be good; that’s just how learning is.
the frustration that can come when you realize that you’ve just sated a partner beyond any hope of further fun.
I don’t understand why your partner can’t reciprocate with oral. Sure, if it’s a man he might easily not be able to get it up again for p-in-v, but nothing? I don’t get it.
You could try letting your teeth scrape, and see how the partner in question likes it; some people enjoy the sensation, although that is going to depend in large part on how hard you’re scraping and how sharp your teeth are. (Some of my favorite techniques involve teeth, in large part because they’re a very potent reminder that that is a -mouth- on me, a sexy concept which can get lost in other sensations.)
@Mousie00 Definitely a passion for one’s subject makes it a lot easier to get good at something. I have to admit that there are times when I think I’m sort of great at giving head, but that’s usually just off the high of giving it, and the compliments one gets from someone who’s just had an orgasm should be generously salted. Sometimes “that’s the most incredible blowjob I’ve ever gotten” really means “I honestly can’t remember ever getting a blowjob before. Nor my name,” in the moment. I really have a horror of bragging about having any mad boudoir skillz, partially because I’d hate to get a reputation I couldn’t live up to.
And I’m not sure if you’ve run into one, but there are some people– and these can be men or women– who are entirely done after a certain number of orgasms. Not just done as in climaxed, but done as in collapsed, sex-comatose. The obvious answer is to try to get one’s rocks off before working on these types, but sometimes that’s not in the cards, or not as fun, or actually doesn’t make a big difference because you’re the type to get really turned on while giving oral and the previous orgasms are suddenly much less enough than they were when you commenced with the tongue. And of course that’s not the end of the world, but it can be frustrating.
@Anonymous That’s an interesting perspective. I never thought of teeth making the mouth feel more mouthy and therefore sexier before. I guess some people don’t mind teeth, but I guess I picked up the habit of very carefully tucking my teeth behind my lips from guys who did not enjoy teeth.
It would also be really awkward to have a conversation that set up a “So, who’s going to have to deal with my tooth marks this time?” problem each time I gave head. That would surely make a considerate lover who didn’t really enjoy teeth more inclined to take one for the team, and might really ruin the experience. Wouldn’t want that!
I should give out pre-sex surveys, clearly.
For me, it is a mouth, and the mouth has teeth. If someone is getting cut up by the act, something is going wrong. (Obviously this applies just as much to any real scraping of the penis.)
So far as I’m concerned, if a man absolutely must not at any point be able to feel the teeth are there, he’d better not be expecting the same level of force or depth. Else SOMEone is liable to bleed.
@quizzical pussy
Thanks for explaining; I’ve had very limited experience and I hadn’t run into that.
@LabRat Actually, now that you mention it, I might be the one expecting too much force and depth. From myself. Overenthusiasm hurts.
While I’ve certainly never intended to use teeth on a partner who didn’t explicitly tell me that they liked it, I also have never really tried to not use teeth… if that makes sense.
It actually sparked me to have a conversation with my partner… apparently I’m toothy! So was that bad? Hell no. He said I suck a mean dick.. but apparently he told me every in depth conversation about dick sucking he’s had the conclusion: it comes down to size. He swears that it’s a bit more acceptable to be toothy if you’re sucking a big dick.
THIS was news to me. But ya, apparently I’m toothy.. but it’s a good thing? I don’t know. Plus the wrapping around your teeth thing totally kills the visual of lovely lips around a nice juicy cock. :)
@Evey Oh, so true! That is a gorgeous visual!
So on the teeth thing from this male’s perspective…
Chomping bad. Scraping, sometimes bad, but sometimes good (lighter is generally better). Tiny nibbles? Oy, that can make a guy’s eyes roll back in his head. Or at least that’s what I’ve been told I do when being lightly nibbled.
Teeth in general? Good or bad depends a lot on how they’re used, but as Anonymous said, they’re part of the deal, and part of what makes a mouth mouthy. And that lips visual works pretty well from my POV, too.
I don’t wrap my lips, I just sort of… hold my teeth back. It’s hard to explain, but I think pretty easy to figure out on your thumb. I also agree with LabRat that if a guy expects REALLY hard deep facefucking, he’s just going to feel some tooth and that’s just part of the deal.