Important end-of-the-year concerns
INT. LOCAL MEGAMART – EVENING
Magazine stands flank the checkout lines at the front of the store.
LARAMY and QP walk past on their way to find vitamins and feminine hygiene products. QP casually scans the magazine covers as they pass.
QP
What the fuck did Sandra Bullock do this year that makes her People’s Woman of the Year?
LARAMY
I’m sure I don’t know.
QP
Didn’t she get divorced or something? Is that what put her over the top? If that’s all it takes, hell, I can think of a couple other Women of the Year who are wondering where their awards are right now.
LARAMY
Yeah.
QP
In other news, Hermione really did get hot, however creepy that might make me sound.
LARAMY
Yeah, she really did. But then she cut her hair and kinda ruined it.
QP
(sputtering)
I was talking about when she cut her hair!
LARAMY
It’s too short.
QP
(remembering when she shaved her head)
…I don’t think I understand why you’re with me.
———
Now, personally, I think short hair on women is very, very sexy. But I can prove that her pixie cut was objectively a good idea. Emma Watson won an award for it last month. Best Hair of the Week on a website, baby! They don’t hand you one of those just because you got a divorce or something.
I’m surprised Sarah Palin didn’t get it the way she plays the media! So Sandra got cheated on by a Biker named Jesse James, what a shock? Like most guys I like long hair but the Persis Khambatta look…Yow!
Sandra Bullock? I can’t think of anything she’s done in the past year.
Emma Watson did get hot, but it’s a little creepy to think about since she’s younger than my little sister.
My dad always calls her “Sandra Buttock.”
And wow, that haircut makes Hermoine look like an actual grownup! I approve.
I have a thing for pixie cuts. Emma Watson’s not so much my type otherwise (I had to look up who she was despite the fact I just came from watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows two hours ago.)
I also call he Sandra Buttock. It’s really all she has going for her. Hermione is a hottie. I’m not ashamed to say so.
Merry Christmas! Or, depending on what you celebrate, merry December 25th through January 6th!