quizzical pussy

Today we have a sexy, sexy car (truck) review from the sexy, sexy Model T! Like a rock, baby (okay, I’m mixing my make metaphors here, but whatever). -Q.P.

Ford F350 King Ranch: The obvious solution to the problem of cramped quarters for car-sex is to find a bigger car. The obvious solution to needing a bigger car is to find a truck. And if you need a big truck, the Ford F350 is a good place to start. Ford didn’t just deliver us a one-ton pickup truck; we got a one-ton, four-wheel drive crew cab with luxurious King Ranch leather trim and dual rear wheels. With a payload of over four thousand pounds, a towing capacity on the far side of twelve thousand, and a thirty-inch step up just to get inside, the F350 was not fucking around when it came to being a piece of heavy-duty equipment.
What had our interest, however wasn’t the massive cargo bed, but the extremely spacious cab. The F350 crew cab is endowed with a cabin the size of a small apartment, only with high-grade leather seats and a DVD entertainment system. There’s almost enough leg room to lie on the floor, and enough headroom for five-footers to just about stand upright inside.

It’s probably no surprise that A. and I had a marvelous time in the back of the F350. It was easily large enough to accommodate pretty much everything we wanted to do–and with deeply tinted windows and a stiff enough suspension that it didn’t rock, we went undisturbed for a good long while as well. With vehicles like this, who needs bedrooms? To be honest, we could have probably had a foursome back there, but there weren’t any volunteers. Maybe next time.

Summary:

• Arousal: 3/5–The F350 has a rugged, working-class appeal. If straightforwardness turns you on, this truck is willing to get in there and do the job.
• Discretion: 3/5–On the one hand, it’s pretty hard to be discreet in an eighteen-foot long luxury pickup truck. On the other hand, the high cabin, dark-tinted windows, and a suspension that is unlikely to rock in the throes of passion mean that even if folks are looking at it, they’re not going to have a clue what’s going on inside!
• Comfort: 5/5–The F350′s about the closest thing to an apartment on wheels that you’re going to find this side of a full-size van or a motorhome. Generous leg- and headroom plus a very wide body mean that you can get into as many positions as you like. And if things are really secluded, you can always throw a queen-size air mattress in the cargo bed and do it under the sky.
• Best person to hump in this car: Anyone you want…and their cute best friend, too.

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