Falsies
From time to time, when I’m dressing for an evening out, I’ll take them out of their drawer and look at them. My chicken cutlets: silicone flesh-colored slices of tit I don’t have, with pert little knobs that suggest the nipples of those not-really-my tits are vaguely intrigued by something or other. And always will be.
And I’ll wonder to myself, Is this it? Is today the day I’m finally going to wear fake boobies in my bra? So far, it never is.
Sometimes I would like to have bigger tits. If the reason were any simpler I’d have to grunt it. Women with big boobs get a lot of sexual attention when they show them off, leading me to imagine it’s pretty easy for them to get sex any time they like. This is a lifestyle that appeals to me.
To be fair, at other times I wish I had smaller boobs and 12% body fat. Basically I want to be Princess Mombi, but with modular bodies in addition to all the heads. I don’t think that’s asking too much.
Anyway I was blessed with boobs I’d call just about average-sized. (Though, in a Serling-esque twist, I think my tits have grown a little since I went off birth control pills, despite my actual weight staying stable. If anyone can figure that one out, let me know. ***Spoiler: Also no, I’m not knocked up***) They’re not tiny, but they’re not formidable either. So at one point I bought those weird silicone inserts in a fit of “why the fuck not?”.
But I haven’t ever worn them, and the reason is not an ethical issue with deception, nor the fear that someone will get a disappointing handful of plastic if a spontaneous hookup should happen. And sadly, perhaps, it’s not because I looked inside myself and found that I like me just the way I am. The major reason is that I don’t really understand how to use them.
They didn’t come with instructions. Do they go at the bottom of the bra, to boost the flesh boobs up higher? Do they go on the sides to push the cleavage together? Somewhere else altogether? I don’t know. Wherever I put them they look weird. It always just looks like I stuck a big brick of plastic down my shirt. Which I guess I sort of did.
Really, it’s just too damn much trouble to play titty tetris every time I want to look hot.
If you get to a point where you think you’d like to use them (I lost mine a while ago, haven’t bothered to replace), I suggest the furthest point in your bra cup, usually down and to the side. It both adds heft and cleavage, and when placed in the “corner” of the bra, is usually undetectable. YMMV with the nipple on them.
On the other hand, by losing mine, you see I’ve given up on titty tetris myself.
Titty tetris. *boggle* My day has brightened considerably.
I’ve got a set of modulars, myself, but they’re the fabric kind that look like bra padding… and that’s exactly what I use them as. You’ve seen my rack. It’s not that impressive, and a lot of REALLY CUTE shirts just do not work without some more boobage.
Not as in they don’t look as good… as in, they fall off, or slip and show stuff through the neckline that I’d rather they didn’t.
I’m with Lucky Lucky on this one, to the side and under seems to be the best place. They’re a boobie shelf, to support and display…
And for the record your boobs are just fine, dear. If I were into women I’d be all over them.
I keep thinking about using just one of those, because my boobs are SEVERELY not the same size or shape and I could shim up Li’l Righty to match, but then I realize that my life divides neatly into two halves:
A) Times when I do not give a shit what my breasts look like
B) Times when I am likely to take my bra off
Saying “yeah, I’m a C on the left and an A on the right, what can I do” seems much less embarrassing than saying “oh, don’t mind that, that’s just my little booby-matchin’ device.”
I don’t understand why women feel the need to have bigger boobs. Small boobs are hotter.
Big boobs ain’t all they’re cracked up to be. Ok, I’ll admit, at certain times they’re the bees knees. That 5% of the time that I want to get that sort of attention, they’re great. The other 95% of the time, they’re a great big pain in the ass (or chest, as it were). Those of you with smaller boobs get your choice of cute little flowery, pretty girly bras. If I want to shop in a “regular store” I’m stuck with something that looks like it was crafted by the military, possibly to protect tanks from incoming missles, or to launch, sling-shot style, projectiles back at the enemy. Don’t even think about going into somewhere like Victoria’s Secret because you will get attitude when you ask if they carry anything in your size. If I want to find something that fits AND is somewhat pleasing to the eye, I nned to plan on working some overtime because I can easily spend $50 or $60 on something that 5 people might see (and one of them is my mom). Even if I’m in the market for a regular, every day bra, I’m not going to find one under $40.
I’m not really complaining. I do like my boobs. But, I love the idea of modular boobs. Small ones for every day use and then the ginormous boobs for those days I’m up for the sort of attention that ginormous boobs tend to attract.
I have a set of cutlets as well, sans nipples. I wear them occasionally, with dressup clothes that need to be filled out a little more, like FarmGirl mentioned; I have very small boobs but *I* like them. :) But yeah, too much fuss and/or I-don’t-care 95% of the time. Incidentally, at 12% body fat, the boob-age would most likely be nonexistent as that seems to be one of the first places it comes off of when you lose body fat and one of the first places it goes on when you gain.
@June Clever
Hehe… “modular boobs”, I love it!
@Anonymous
Because to some people, big boobs are hotter. And some people prefer average boobs. And some prefer no boobs. What’s hot depends entirely on who you ask.
Speaking strictly for myself (which of course is the way everybody does :-) small is nice.
I have no idea why that bunch of link-posters over on GBC like ‘em that big, I am much more likely to go “ouch” or “poor girl” than anything else most the time.
But I get farmgirl’s point. Invest in Wonderbra or some such, maybe?