ConTuesday! Red wine, smoke, and secrets.
ConTuesday is upon us! Read on for anonymous confessions from denizens of the internet.
My partner and I have been together for almost three years (our anniversary is in a few days) and have been experimenting with opening our relationship in various ways in the past year and a half. Yesterday, I found out he broke several of the rules of our ”open arrangement” and then lied to me about it–I feel really hurt and betrayed by this dishonesty, and I feel like I was cheated on.However, I’m really afraid to talk to any of my friends about this, because I feel like people will blame the nature of our relationship (”Oh, open relationships never work, etc.”), even people who knew about it already or who we’ve fooled around with before. I feel like putting the blame on open relationships in general shifts it from where it belongs–on my partner, for lying.Mostly, though, I just feel really horribly upset and isolated and alone.
I think I’d feel exactly the same way. Violating your negotiated rules was cheating. It just sounds like it wasn’t the kind of cheating your friends would understand, which indeed sucks.
He drove over 90 miles to have sex with me and at the time I was mildly flattered but not overwhelmed or anything, now he has a girlfriend and purely because of this he’s the only thing I can think about. The harder I am ignored the more I am determined to get my own way.
So unavailability is sexy again? I can’t keep up. Very well! None of you may have me!*
I had an ex who used to drink red wine and smoke when we got together. I loved the way it made her smell and taste. I’m not a smoker, but the combination made her taste like vice, like sin, like a bad habit. Made the sex that much better.
I’m turned on by beer breath, for some reason. I don’t think it’s an association thing so much as the fact that beer smells yummy.
The idea of him watching me masturbate and getting turned on by it turns me on, but I don’t have the guts to actually do it much less ask to watch him, the idea of which also turns me on.
Asking for things is a skill, and it’s worth learning. Do as I say; not as I do.
I’m in a fantastic, loving and highly sexual relationship for really the first time. I’m so, incredibly happy, but my family is dedicated to the idea that I’m a sweet, innocent virgin – and I’m stuck lying about my weekend whereabouts, hiding my interest in sex (for example, your blog), and of course hiding my condoms. I just wish my happiness was enough for everyone else!
It’s awesome that you’re having so much fun! Sometimes families just don’t get it. Maybe yours will eventually, maybe not. But I wouldn’t (and don’t) let that stop me.
Do you have something to share? Right here, champ.
*Is it working?
“*Is it working?”
Yes. Yes it is. :)
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To the first contributor: You gave him an open relationship with a few rules of respect that you expected him to follow, and he broke them. That’s entirely on him. He’s promised the Garden of Eden, but can’t resist eating from that nasty ol’ Tree of Knowledge? It’s not you; it’s him. Relationships, at their base level, are about trust. I get that your friends might not get this, but please understand: I’m in a monogamous relationship, and I totally get it.
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To the Fourth Contributor: As a man, I can tell you that almost NOTHING is sexier to me than watching a woman masturbate. I’m not a freak in this respect– my buddies feel the same way. It’s so very hawt. Make him watch you fap without being allowed to intervene, and he will lose. His. Mind. I’m not kidding. We LOVE this. Dare to do it.
In regards to the first confession………… GIRL KICK HIS ASS TO THE CURB!!!!!!!!!!! Some may say that is harsh but I speak from experience in the SAME type of situation. I was with my ex for 6 1/2 years. He’s the one who actually set the rules up, but couldn’t follow them. I dealt with it for a while but before too long it will eat at you. You won’t be able to trust ANYTHING he says. You will start to question yourself as to why you are having sex with the other men/women? ALOT of people do not understand open relationships but I can see the pro’s and con’s, though I don’t ever plan on being in one again. You might be surprised about talking to your friends about it…… Like G said, Rules are rules no matter what they apply to. It sucks but I hope it all works out for you. If it was me I would confront him and if he lied again, I’d pack my stuff and go, leaving a lil note with the proof of what he lied to me about.
@Hannah
I wouldn’t bother leaving a note. If you feel inclined to give him another chance, good for you. I don’t think anyone would spite you for not.
Confessor #3, I totally understand what you mean. Mmmm, smokers. (shivers) I don’t necessarily want you to get cancer for my sexual pleasure, but…
@Evyl
I left the note because he had in black and purple ( I couldn’t find any other paper other than my purple note pad) what I knew. It had dates, women, purchase’s, and the likes. Kinda like a smack in the face kinda thing….. But that was just me.
@Hannah
Oh, I hear you and don’t necessarily disagree. But, that very smack in the face is very nearly an undeserved explanation to him of where he went wrong. Men need the whys of the world answered. He doesn’t deserve that from you anymore. He should be left sweating. If he can ever screw up the gall to track you down to ask why you left, then I could see you telling him, “Oh, let’s not kid ourselves. We both know why.” Even so, I wish I could have seen the look on his face when he got his purple note! :D
Confessor #1, why should your rules not matter because they are a bit more open than most? When your rules are less restrictive, if anything the ones you have should matter more.
Confessor #4, that was one of my earliest fantasies. I think it’s pretty common.
So unavailability is sexy again?
Depends on who you talk to, I guess. Unavailability is the least sexy thing in the world to me.
@ Evyl
I agree, but it was more of one of those he told me I didn’t know what I was talking about and there was no way in hell that I could know what he was doing. Oh and we can’t forget prove it. Little did he know!!!!!!!! From what I hear it was priceless….. Came home one evening, when I was already not supposed to be there I had prior plans, with one of his play mates to an almost empty house. I left the note stuck to the wall above where the head board used to be. :)