ConTuesday! Nice guys, geekery, and guilt
I’m going to start out ConTuesday today with a non-anonymous confession of my own: sometimes I become seriously emotionally unhinged. Like, wearing bologna as a shirt and screaming “YOU DON’T LOVE ME!” in between spitting fountains of paint thinner through my front teeth mentally deranged. And I wish I could control this 100% of the time, but sometimes I just let it gallop away from me where it ends up devising huge, elaborate theories about how everything that has ever happened in my lifetime converges to prove that I’m worthless and should stop making eye contact with human beings. And then I cry. And Laramy, my boyfriend, listens to me, and dodges the paint thinner, and tells me none of it’s true, and loves me anyway. And I feel incredibly lucky, and also embarrassed.
He knows all this because I said it to his face yesterday, but I want everyone to know that he is seriously amazing. Also that I’m trying to cut back on the crazy.
Now here are some real confessions from people who aren’t me and may even be stable!
Never believe Nice Guys when they say they can’t get laid. My friend who plays WOW for hours every day and owns 1.4 terabytes of anime has no fewer than three girls pursuing him, and still hasn’t managed to get his first kiss.
“Nice Guys” often do and should have trouble getting laid, but that’s another matter entirely. Actual nice, geeky guys are totally worth pursuing, though. I highly recommend them to any inquiring readers.
My new boyfriend is new to being naked with a woman. I love his excitement about the whole thing. I also love the feeling that I can pretend I’m corrupting someone innocent, somehow taking advantage of them. I don’t think I would feel like this with a woman because I’d feel like I was buying into something misogynistic, but somehow his being male makes it feel okay.
I’d feel okay corrupting an “innocent” woman, if she was into that sort of thing. If you find any, feel free to send them my way.
The secret to a happy relationship is keeping the other person more in love with you than you are with them.
This seems like it would be a hard thing to calibrate.
Sex in the woods, while romantic, is hell on the knees. I’ve been scratching bug bites for weeks.
It’s even worse when the boyscout troop happens by. I really, really wish I were just kidding about this one.
I always thought I had escaped the death grip of Catholic Guilt. I thought of sexual experience as being akin to job experience, the more the better. I’ve never felt any qualms about masturbating and have only felt monetary guilt over buying sex toys. However I still feel the need to tell my boyfriend ”I’m sorry” when I watch a movie purely because I think someone in it is hot, or when fantasize about dating and fucking someone I’ll never meet. Somehow I’m fine with the practice, just not the theory. How the hell did this happen?
Maybe part of this is the fact that sometimes it’s hard to convey to a partner: “I love lusting after this person to a perfectly reasonable and healthy degree, but please don’t take that personally or let it affect your confidence in my ravenous lust for you, okay?” and it’s easier just to feel guilty for being a horndog. This is only a guess, though, because I was raised Evangelical Protestant.
Do you have things to say about sex and love and life that just don’t seem to fit anywhere? Why not say them here?
Boyscout troop? ROTFLOL! Please, please, please do tell more!
I personally would have put it that a happy relationship involves both parties feeling they got far luckier than they deserve, but no doubt that’s just as difficult to quantify.
It wasn’t a boy scout troop, but it ended in sand burrs and tears…
Quizzical Pussy: if it helps, I totally do that too. Except that I usually end up bothering my innocent roommate with it, and she has to persuade me that no, really, “I am totally irresponsible and I disappoint everyone around me and will never survive in the real world and ought to go jump off a bridge” is not a sensible response to “I lost my wallet.”
Poor roommate. She goes through a lot.
Also, if I find any innocent women hanging out around the place, I shall definitely send them to you. Unfortunately, they seem to be somewhat lacking at the moment, as even the most virginal have pervy minds and Hitachi Magic Wands.
Somebody just figured out she can reply to multiple comments in the same comment with minimal effort! And now feels a little dense she never tried this before! (hint: it’s me) WORDPRESS! It’s everywhere you want to be!
@Evyl Robot To my credit and clean sex offender record, they did not discover us, only came alarmingly close on a hike. And to be fair, they might have been kids at daycamp. We figured if we got up and tried to put clothes on, they’d be a lot more likely to notice us, so we kept on going and tried to keep the horrified giggling to a minimum.
@LabRat I think if both parties articulate feeling that they’re totally making out like bandits, that’s definitely a good sign. It’s a whole lot better (in my opinion) than feeling like an impostor all the time, or like you’re continually doing charity work.
@ozymandias I’m glad I’m not alone in blowing things out of proportion so that they can reflect as badly on me as possible. I mean, not glad really, but I feel a little less ridiculous about it knowing that I’m not the only one.
Also, I tend to think of no one as all that innocent, so to me corruption would be more like a role-play where I’m the big bad pussy storming the castle, to disregard any attempt at simile cohesion. And that sounds fun!
@quizzical pussy
It is entirely your fault that I am now picturing a giant vagina Godzilla-stomping a little toy LEGO castle. Entirely. Your. Fault.
Brainsplosions are remarkably unoriginal and tend to harp on the same themes for everyone. In fact, my best friend and I used to compare them like Pokemon collections.
“”Nice Guys”…should have trouble getting laid.”? Your Laramy sounds like a nice guy. Also I’ve found that Meditation helps clear the mind. :)
Laramy does sound like a nice guy. Not a “Nice Guy”. I agree with what you said there; nice is not the same as meek.
“Nice Guy”, with the capitalization and optional quotes, doesn’t actually mean a nice person. It means a guy who is bitter that being “nice” to women doesn’t automatically get him laid and that women’s failure to reward his selflessness with sex means that they actually only want jerks.
In short, “Nice Guy” = entitled passive-aggressive prick, not an actual nice guy. :)
I make it a habit to exclusively date nice people, which is very handy when having an argument with a Nice Guy/Gal about why they aren’t getting laid.
As a nice guy I have to say Labrat nailed it.