ConTuesday! History
The only people not haunted by ghosts of bonings past are virgins. And I’m not even sure about them. I have my share; some of them actually just think they’re being friendly. Silly ghosts. Here are other peoples’. No one knows whose…
I had to tell my veryvery recent ex that I was diagnosed with HPV today. He reacted pretty badly, coming down with slut-shaming, insisting he could not have been the source, and showing he was incredibly ill-informed about STIs, and generally being the reason people fear disclosing disease statuses. Before the conversation, I’d been depressed about the breakup, wishing he’d fall for me again, but his reaction cured me of that. I feel much better. Now if only I could get rid of this infection, too…
Isn’t it great when an ex just keeps validating and validating your breakup? It really helps with the closure. More on HPV in a minute…
I just found out I have HPV and it feels like my days of being a slut are over. I’m hoping you/QP readers can reassure me that there is still casual sex after stigma-heavy STI diagnoses…
I don’t think I’m alone in thinking of HPV as a sort of common cold of STIs. Tons of people have it without even knowing about it, and most of the time it clears up on its own (although it can take a while). I know a lot of people who’ve been diagnosed with HPV and work around it very easily using good communication and safer sex. They have plenty of willing partners and have a ton of fun. Just make sure you have regular pelvic exams, especially if it’s one of the strains known to cause cervical cancer.
If I were newly diagnosed with HPV I’d figure, “hey, it’s a virus that my body can kill…” and try to boost my immune system. If you want to try that, there are tons of suggestions online. More basically, pretend you just learned you have Mononucleosis or a cold that’s hard to shake. Cut out booze, cigarettes, junk food for a while (assuming you partake in any of these). Exercise, eat fruits and veggies, and try to minimize stress. Vitamin C, Vitamin D, Astragalus, fish oil, or other supplements might help. And drink lots of clear fluids, just like the doctors say.
All I want is a romantic partner who will not see my sexual history and lifestyle as a neutral at best or downside at worst. I want someone who will hear what a slut I am and find me desirable, and not in the ‘she’s easy’ way. I want a fellow slut to ask me about my adventures and share her/his/hir own, a slut who gets that ‘casual’ sex can be like traveling abroad – a way to grow, a source of a million experiences, feelings, theories, a valuable part of an identity and life story. It seems like too much to ask.
I don’t think it’s too much to ask. I just think it takes some searching. Good luck!
My boyfriend is wonderful, but I still miss pussy. Monogamy is hard.
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you have a secret, a regret, a rant, a fantasy, or a triumphant squee and no one to share it with? Right here.
Hey, third confession person! Try okcupid. No, no seriously, I know that sounds ridiculous, but I mean it. Because you can say all that up front. It’s like the ebay of people (okay, but not in a creepy people-are-objects way)… sure, there are dodgy liars out there, but a bit of saavy and care helps you avoid them, and in the meantime, you can find exactly what you’re looking for. Cause there’s loads of people out there who feel exactly the same way. (Why okcupid over some other dating site? It’s free, it’s better at being queer friendly than most, it’s plan for matching people up is much better than anything else out there.)
I think that the terror of an STD is the biggest thing keeping my significant other and me completely monogamous, right now, beyond the whole concern for each others’ feelings. She and I have both expressed quiet fantasies about stepping out without consequence. But that’s just it, isn’t it? There is always some consequence, and some of those are utter deal-breakers. Better to fantasize about what could be, than to blow our whole present situation away, which is admittedly pretty damned awesome.
Third Confession Person brings up a worthwhile point– it’s nigh impossible these days to admit one’s kink interests, without those becoming the complete focus of others’ attentions, for better or worse. When looking for a relationship, it would make sense to make that point a neutral at worst, desirable at best situation. If it’s above “desirable,” (I.E., it becomes the central focus of your relationship), then get ready for that relationship to be short and comparitively shallow. That may not be a bad thing, for many. But there’s a whole world of people who like it spiced differently, who still want deeper relationships. I’ve been fascinated how many of those I’ve discovered lately that I know.
Considering that there are still several states where oral sex is illegal, it’s fascinating how wide the gap is between what occurs as a regular thing, and what is admitted.