Things being what they are
ConTuesday, whom I think of not as anything I do myself so much as a willful little monkey creature, decided to take a holiday sabbatical. Of course, besides Groundhog Day, Twelfth Night is the only wintry holiday ConTuesday actually celebrates, but willful little monkey creature see, willful little monkey creature do. Should be back in full force next week.
So I guess in the meantime I’ll just write about myself.
I’m not much of a holiday person because although I’m loyal to my family and will cut you if you hurt any of them, I don’t actually enjoy spending a lot of time with most of them. But this was one hell of a holiday season for chosen family.
Christmas Eve was one of my best in memory. I spent the evening with Oren Regardie and his treasure of a wife, Poppy. She made a completely delicious holiday dinner that I could actually eat with all my dietary restrictions (a gesture that no one else in my life has ever even attempted), we exchanged gifts we were fairly vibrating with excitement to give one another, then crafted and watched hilarious things on a screen while our toy dogs placidly ignored amongst themselves.
New Year’s Eve with them and a few of our newly shared friends was also amazing. We have some kickass eves, we three. I don’t throw around the phrase “living the poly dream” lightly, but there it is right there in the first clause of this sentence.
In other news, I’ve recently figured out how gravely I need to get back on hormonal birth control. This has nothing to do with any distaste for condoms and everything to do with how much time I’m spending per month in abject misery. The ten pounds of water weight I carry before and during each period is annoying but whatever. The intense uterine pain is a little more untenable, and seems to be getting worse every month. The thing that’s really getting to me, though, is the fact that for about half the time I irrationally believe (or part of me does) that everyone hates me and I secretly wish I could set myself on fire for no clear reason. I spend so much time and energy reasoning with myself and talking myself down from acting on stupid, baseless impulses that I’m pretty sure no one else even notices what’s going on, but it is exhausting. And the last thing I want to do is feed into the “irrational hormonal female” stereotype, but despite my excellent willpower and self control, that is the actual problem and it’s getting kind of scary.
So I’m starting to think that hormonal intervention is a literal necessity for me right now; just need to figure out how I can afford it. I wish Santa had brought me robust health insurance coverage, but my period starts in a few days so I’m pretty sure he hates me and hopes I die anyway.
It sounds like you may have endometriosis. My fix for it was to have a hysterectomy at the the old age if 27, but I had already had my kids and I was ready to go drastic. You may want to talk to your gyno and make sure they recognize it and can treat it correctly. Unfortunately, the birth control pill is always the first defense and it only helps so much. Another option may be to go an alternative helth route. My surgery left behind a single ovary that works sporadically, seriously like a week, twice a year. I can generally feel it start to kick in and I rely on something called Estrotone from natural grocers or whole foods or something like that. Not Estroven that you can get from any walmart.
Good luck!
Seriously…you make me laugh. Not AT you…but WITH you. I used to have absolute craziness and pain. I too, felt a helluva lot better after a hysterectomy…but I know there have to be better and less horrible methods to curb your problems. Good luck with that health insurance. It’s a bitch.
When I first went on the pill, I got it at the county health department for about $10 a pack. Is that, or something like Planned Parenthood, an option? I have PCOS, so I hear you on the horrible periods–they’re why I went on the pill in the first place.
Santa doesn’t hate you. In fact, Santa thinks you’re pretty damn cute. Santa would really like you to sit on his lap, Q.P.
Of course, I may totally be projecting.
Um, that has to be the cutest mustachiod creature I’ve ever seen. Maybe even cuter than a Pygmy lemur!
Does Planned Parenthood or any local women’s health center provide subsidized birth control? There used to be a federal program doing it, but then Congress became bitches. You may be able to find something, though :-)
PS Endometriosis is often not the case, and even if it is, it’s likely they’d just put you on birth control to manage the symptoms and buildup of junk on your innards. I was tested once, thankfully with no diagnosis. I got a $250 doctor’s bill with a pack of pills, and was told to suck it up, buttercup.
Absolutely, Planned Parenthood should be your first resource. Not only can they help you get affordable hormonal birth control (subsidized), but their physicians can also screen you for other underlying problems (like mentioned by the other commenters) so that you don’t run into worse problems later. Plus, they are WONDERFUL resources for sex-positive, anti-shame advice in a field where healthy advice is hard to come by.
@JJ The cramps are only starting to ramp up to the point where they’re significant, so I hadn’t considered endometriosis yet. Is weird random depression connected with endometriosis at all? I was thinking that PMDD thing, if anything. Or, you know, just the breaks.
@everyone I applied for a state family planning assistance program about a month ago. I am hoping that comes through. If not, I think I am still going to have a problem affording Planned Parenthood prices, but that’s probably where I’ll have to go since it’s less insurmountable. Thanks for all the input.
I also get depressed before my period (and other times, if something triggers it, or sometimes for no obvious reason). My doc recommended St. John’s Wort and it helps me a lot. The problem is that it interacts with lots of other drugs, so be careful. (My doc only recommended it because I take no other meds and was resistant to pharmaceutical depression meds.)
The same as you. I’m loyal to my family too. And there is no possibility for me to spent time with them. It’s so regret! I always get stuck in my work, I am shamed on it now. But what can i do ???
I think he doesn’t hate you and hope you die anyway. In fact none hate you. You should have confidence.
wow ! monkey is so cute ! We should protect these animals ！
So cute a monkey, it is unbelievable there are so many creatures on the earth we don’t know,
Yours: http://www.chinavibratingsieve.com/
what kind of animal is that in the pic?
I’m not much of a holiday person because although I’m loyal to my family and will cut you if you hurt any of them.