Comments on: Teenage chasteland http://quizzicalpussy.com/teenage-chasteland/ a sex blog that gets curiouser and curiouser. Thu, 09 Sep 2010 03:25:17 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Mousie00 http://quizzicalpussy.com/teenage-chasteland/comment-page-1/#comment-73 Mousie00 Wed, 27 Jan 2010 13:16:52 +0000 http://quizzicalpussy.com/?p=372#comment-73 <a href="#comment-67" rel="nofollow">@quizzical pussy </a> I can't remember anyone ever telling me that women only want sex to get something nonsexual (like affection); it's something I just kind of picked up from pop culture, reinforced by watching a few women who used it as a lure or bargaining chip. Now I've encountered lots of evidence from which I can conclude it isn't true, but I haven't fully internalized that yet; it's the same as the difference between knowledge and faith in religion. @quizzical pussy
I can’t remember anyone ever telling me that women only want sex to get something nonsexual (like affection); it’s something I just kind of picked up from pop culture, reinforced by watching a few women who used it as a lure or bargaining chip. Now I’ve encountered lots of evidence from which I can conclude it isn’t true, but I haven’t fully internalized that yet; it’s the same as the difference between knowledge and faith in religion.

]]> By: quizzical pussy http://quizzicalpussy.com/teenage-chasteland/comment-page-1/#comment-68 quizzical pussy Tue, 26 Jan 2010 22:30:46 +0000 http://quizzicalpussy.com/?p=372#comment-68 <a href="#comment-64" rel="nofollow">@Holly Pervocracy </a> I've sometimes felt unethical about the fact that I think of real people when I'm wanking. Of course they didn't and very well might not consent (one of the things that turns me on most is perceiving desire in someone else, so I don't often think anymore about people who I don't suspect might be into me, but that still doesn't amount to consent) but I also feel that I get to do whatever I want in my mind as long as it doesn't bleed into the real world, so I let myself run with it. With rape fantasies it would get more complex for sure, but I'd probably rationalize it anyway. Maybe I should put a "The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event" disclaimer up in my head before I start. That way I could just tell myself that any similarity to existing persons, real or imagined, is purely coincidental. It turns me on vastly to think that someone (who doesn't actively gross me out, at least) is thinking of me while masturbating. That gives me supersonic justification somehow. God, I'm such a dick. @Holly Pervocracy I’ve sometimes felt unethical about the fact that I think of real people when I’m wanking. Of course they didn’t and very well might not consent (one of the things that turns me on most is perceiving desire in someone else, so I don’t often think anymore about people who I don’t suspect might be into me, but that still doesn’t amount to consent) but I also feel that I get to do whatever I want in my mind as long as it doesn’t bleed into the real world, so I let myself run with it. With rape fantasies it would get more complex for sure, but I’d probably rationalize it anyway. Maybe I should put a “The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event” disclaimer up in my head before I start. That way I could just tell myself that any similarity to existing persons, real or imagined, is purely coincidental.

It turns me on vastly to think that someone (who doesn’t actively gross me out, at least) is thinking of me while masturbating. That gives me supersonic justification somehow. God, I’m such a dick.

]]> By: quizzical pussy http://quizzicalpussy.com/teenage-chasteland/comment-page-1/#comment-67 quizzical pussy Tue, 26 Jan 2010 22:19:38 +0000 http://quizzicalpussy.com/?p=372#comment-67 <a href="#comment-62" rel="nofollow">@Mousie00 </a> Whoever told you that women don't want sex except as a tool to manipulate was doing both you and women a disservice, but I'm sure you know that. It really IS a very pervasive stereotype, and I don't think it does anyone any good. Of course, there are women who use sex dispassionately and as a bargaining chip, but there are men like that too. Also, low self-esteem is such a cockblock, isn't it? @Mousie00 Whoever told you that women don’t want sex except as a tool to manipulate was doing both you and women a disservice, but I’m sure you know that. It really IS a very pervasive stereotype, and I don’t think it does anyone any good. Of course, there are women who use sex dispassionately and as a bargaining chip, but there are men like that too.

Also, low self-esteem is such a cockblock, isn’t it?

]]> By: Holly Pervocracy http://quizzicalpussy.com/teenage-chasteland/comment-page-1/#comment-64 Holly Pervocracy Sun, 24 Jan 2010 20:48:57 +0000 http://quizzicalpussy.com/?p=372#comment-64 <i>Once my crush opened the door and realized it was me his face would fall (my hypercritical brain demanded this). Mortified, I’d immediately apologize for not being someone attractive, but he’d reassure me that it was really okay; he knew it wasn’t my fault, and besides, he’d always thought I was kind of funny. Oh good. Funny. </i> Awww. Man, now I want to give you, like, a million hugs. My hangup was that all my fantasy partners had (okay, still have) to be fictional. If I think about anyone who exists in real life, whether an acquaintance, an ex, or a celebrity, I go into a completely neurotic "but would they be okay with me thinking about them like this?" spiral. I feel like a jerk if I imagine someone without their consent. So I very carefully construct my imaginary partners (who persist for years and have elaborate backstories) to absolutely not resemble anyone I know. Their names can't even be similar. I can only relax if I'm 100% sure that the person I'm fantasizing doesn't exist. ...Course, this gets much worse and even more relevant when it gets to rape fantasies. :/ Once my crush opened the door and realized it was me his face would fall (my hypercritical brain demanded this). Mortified, I’d immediately apologize for not being someone attractive, but he’d reassure me that it was really okay; he knew it wasn’t my fault, and besides, he’d always thought I was kind of funny. Oh good. Funny.

Awww. Man, now I want to give you, like, a million hugs.

My hangup was that all my fantasy partners had (okay, still have) to be fictional. If I think about anyone who exists in real life, whether an acquaintance, an ex, or a celebrity, I go into a completely neurotic “but would they be okay with me thinking about them like this?” spiral. I feel like a jerk if I imagine someone without their consent.

So I very carefully construct my imaginary partners (who persist for years and have elaborate backstories) to absolutely not resemble anyone I know. Their names can’t even be similar. I can only relax if I’m 100% sure that the person I’m fantasizing doesn’t exist.

…Course, this gets much worse and even more relevant when it gets to rape fantasies. :/

]]> By: Mousie00 http://quizzicalpussy.com/teenage-chasteland/comment-page-1/#comment-62 Mousie00 Sat, 23 Jan 2010 03:28:23 +0000 http://quizzicalpussy.com/?p=372#comment-62 I went two different routes than you that nonetheless indicated similar severe feelings of inadequacy, at the same time. 1) I was much more attractive in my fantasies. 2) Self-aware androids or humanoid fantasy women in sci-fi or fantasy environments. Both likewise ways around the fact that I couldn't accept that an ordinary human woman would want sex, especially with me. Besides bad self-image, I was also cursed with the idea that real women have sex with men only as a way to get something nonsexual, against which I still struggle and for which I would like to hit pop culture in the face very hard. I'd like to thank you for your help in that area, BTW. Blogs like yours and Holly's help, and I bet I'm not the only one they help. I went two different routes than you that nonetheless indicated similar severe feelings of inadequacy, at the same time. 1) I was much more attractive in my fantasies. 2) Self-aware androids or humanoid fantasy women in sci-fi or fantasy environments. Both likewise ways around the fact that I couldn’t accept that an ordinary human woman would want sex, especially with me. Besides bad self-image, I was also cursed with the idea that real women have sex with men only as a way to get something nonsexual, against which I still struggle and for which I would like to hit pop culture in the face very hard.

I’d like to thank you for your help in that area, BTW. Blogs like yours and Holly’s help, and I bet I’m not the only one they help.

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