P.S. I’m chatty again in this one.

When he was young, my boyfriend was bi-curious, and he experimented a bit. His experiments showed him that he was definitely straight, but he said that the one thing he did enjoy was sucking cock – he just wished it hadn’t been attached to a guy. Ever since he told me, it’s haunted my fantasies. Sometimes, when my boyfriend is going down on me, I imagine that I’ve got a cock that he’s sucking, and that he’s being pounded up the ass by my guy best friend. I know they’d both be freaked out and upset if they knew about my fantasies, but it gets me off every time.

I can’t help thinking that the average hetero guy who learns that his female partner has/had bi tendencies has a very similar reaction, and no one ever seems all that shocked. Double standards!

While studying abroad, I fell hard for a boy on my program. He even goes to my college back home. But he doesn’t want to be in a polyamorous relationship, and I already have a girlfriend, so that’s just non-negotiable for me. We had sex for perhaps the last time last night, what with me going home in four days, and the ache in my pussy and jaw (we do last-time sex right, dammit!) is serving as a constant, depressing reminder. So I’m self-medicating with ice cream and Mad Men.

Ouch, that sucks. Hope you’re feeling better by now. Christina Hendricks always cheers me up.

Sometimes I feel like I know too much about sex toys. I just found out via Facebook that somebody from my high school is hosting Temptation parties (those Tupperware-but-for-toys parties), so I went to her blog and checked out her product list. It’s all jelly toys, which I feel obligated to warn people about anyway, but to make it worse, her blog also announced that she’s pregnant. I feel guilty about not warning her about the birth defects linked to jelly toys, but I just don’t know her well enough to say anything!

I’m not sure if there’s such a thing as knowing too much about sex toys, unless of course the mystery somehow dies and they no longer inspire passion. That might be close to too much. But yeah, jelly toys are varying degrees of a bad idea for most of us, folks.

I’ve always felt filthy and ashamed of myself for having any kind of sexual desire for as long as I can remember. I’ve always thought of myself as ugly and unloveable. I’m never in my own fantasies. A friend suggested I read some of the sex blogs, and I started to, for once, feel like maybe I wasn’t so bad after all.

Then I read far enough back to find that none of the acceptance applies to us furries.

One of the things that I challenge myself with in writing this blog is trying to portray myself honestly, insofar as an anonymous blog allows for that. I’m insecure and flawed. I make terrible decisions sometimes. Odd thoughts blindside me and I run with them. Oh, and I have an irrational fear of most anthropomorphic animals. And then I’m a jerk about people that like them. I’m working on accepting furries more. And, you know, I really am glad if that’s what makes you happy, or gets you off, or makes you comfortable. It’s just something I as an entirely imperfect person have issues with. I also can’t watch Yogi Bear cartoons. Please don’t let me being an asshole about the stuff you’re into make you feel worse about yourself. You can go ahead and be pissed about it, of course, if that was more the subtext.

Confess everything here!

I got the hood of my clit pierced a few years ago because guys had too hard of a time finding it – my clit’s too small. That’s not a problem anymore!

I have a fantasy where I’m a dog at a dog show and the judge comes up and does the judgey thing where they check the teeth and the coat and whatever else on the dog. And then the judge checks my balls and starts feeling me up and talking dirty, giving me a handjob. Different stuff happens from there. I’ve looked into puppy play but it seems (at least in my area) that puppy play is pretty nonsexual. Or at least the sexual stuff happens between dogs only. You know how there’s the joke about putting peanut butter on your junk and getting the dog to lick you? I tried that with honey and I have to say: get a dog with good technique! No teeth!

At the advanced age of 44, I find myself with a boyfriend whom I love and am attracted to, and a pretty irresistible attraction to other men. He’s older than I am, and he’s on the downhill curve of his sexuality. I’m way more revved up than I was earlier in my life, and still get plenty of attention from attractive men. I love my boyfriend (did I mention that?) and I’m very attracted to him (he’s hot!), but he can’t quite keep up with my sex drive. We’ve talked about the possibility of opening our relationship, and that could be fun, but even though I find myself attracted to other men, I don’t really want to do that. I don’t really want to fuck other men while I’m in love with my boyfriend, and I don’t want him to fuck other women. Maybe if we kept it between ourselves, maybe if we just had threesomes, it could work. I don’t want to be left out of his sexual experiences; if he’s having one with another person, I want to be there sharing it with him. If I have a sexual experience with another man, I want him to share it with me — I’m really sexually oriented toward my boyfriend, and very attached to him, and striking out on my own just doesn’t seem like much…fun. This is all quite painful because I’ve finally found a man who I could see myself growing old with, and this sex thing keeps gumming up with works. I really don’t know what to do.

[The other] week someone said “my girlfriend’s clitoris is too big for my taste”. I want to meet his girlfriend. If there’s one physical attribute that really affects me, that moves me past sensible personality-match thinking, it’s a big clitoris. Luckily for me it’s not the kind of thing that shows.

Got a secret? You should go here and share.

Last week’s FWB confession made me want to confess this: Sometimes I hope that my former FWB’s current girlfriend will leave him after the kid is born… they’re only together because she’s pregnant, and I really miss his dick…

In relation to your post on penetration. I’m a guy who enjoys the occasional “pegging” by his girlfriend. And I do not feel particularly dominated by the experience. I asked for it, the first time we did it, and it always feels like I’m perverting her, that I am, in essence, controlling and dominating and corrupting her; she never gets off on it, although she comes close. It’s not the case, though, as she quite enjoys it; this had been a fantasy of hers for almost precisely the reasons mentioned in the article – the idea of domination. So we’re both feeling like we’re dominating and corrupting the other. The more confessional part? I haven’t really told her how I feel about it because I’m pretty sure it would lessen her enjoyment of the experience that I’m still feeling in control of the situation.

I’m challenging myself to send in 1 confession a week, even if it means creating adventures just to have something to send in each week.

You’re pretty much the coolest ever.

That doctor who chopped up little girls makes me sick, but Truth: my girlfriend’s clitoris is too big for my taste. I’ve not mentioned it to her,  I definitely don’t want her to be self-conscious about it. It still weirds me out and effects my attraction level. I know part of loving someone is realizing that those details aren’t important in the big picture, but it’s a turn off anyway. And I feel bad about it.

Why don’t you go have an adventure and then tell me about it?

I just started sleeping with a boy who is submissive. I’m submissive too, and awhile ago it would have really bummed me out that he wouldn’t be interested in dominating me and I wouldn’t have been able to dominate him. But now I’m in a triadic relationship with two dominants, I get all the domination I need. And apparently this combination is really good for me, because it’s like I’ve discovered a hidden wellspring of my own dominance and last night, I dominated someone properly (as opposed to awkwardly) for the first time in my life. Certainly not as skillfully as someone with experience, but definitely with passion and commitment. And I loved it!

My first boyfriend and I started dating when we were 14, and we dated until we were 21 when we finally broke up. His parents never gave him the sex talk and he had no idea about girls’ bodies, he learned it all from me. Somewhere along the line, he got the idea that girls hardly ever poop, and when they do they are very tiny little “rabbit turds”. I thought this was hilarious, so for the six years we were dating (we never lived together) I kind of encouraged this belief. We broke up, and he ended up in another relationship. They went on vacation together, and a few days into the vacation I got a text message from him (after months of no contact) that just said “YOU LIED ABOUT THE POOP!” I feel kind of bad for this poor girl who had to deal with a 22 year old who didn’t know girls pooped, but on the other hand I still laugh my ass off thinking about it.

I’m seriously glad that I wasn’t drinking anything when this confession first came in, because I would need a new keyboard from the eruption of spit/laughter combo.

Had my first threesome tonight. I double teamed one of my old friends with benefits with her new husband. Not too sure how I feel about it. It was fun, and all about trying new things, but I’m not sure if I want it to be a more than a one time thing. I’m all for trying new things, and I did without crossing any of my lines but there is some stuff I’m not particularly interested in doing again. It’s not a matter of disgust or anything, more of a blah, boring, does nothing for me kind of thing. Anyway, I think a good time was had by all but if it happens again I’ll have to explain that there are some things that really don’t do it for me, that I’m just not interested in.

I recently got out of an abusive relationship with a girl. Now, I’m on a new relationship with a new girlfriend and we love each other dearly. However, I get the feeling lesbian sex makes her feel guilty or something. she isn’t too comfortable with her own sexuality and she’s pretty insecure about herself. We rarely ever have sex because of that. Though I hate to admit it, I now often find myself fantasizing with the kind of violent sex my ex and I used to have in which she would humiliate me and completely dominate me. I’m furious at myself for this.

I hate it when people talk about sex. Not out of a sense of modesty, but because my friends keep turning out to be kinky or bisexual or poly, just like I am. I want to be the most decadent person in the room.

Do you have secrets? Sure you do. Send them in– anonymously!– here.

I keep a list of everyone I’ve ever fucked. Multi-year partners and one-night stands. It’s just their names, no details, no contact information. So far there are 18 entries. 5 have no last names. 1 has no first or last name. I’m not sure why I keep this list, or if it’s creepy.

I’m going with “not creepy”. If you had a spreadsheet with full names, current addresses, and mothers’ maiden names, that would be creepy. Come to think of it, though, I kind of keep a list myself, so my opinion might not count.

my boyfriend claims to have low sex drive and hardly ever has sex with me. Hmm. He spends an awful lot of time looking at nekkid women on the internet when I’m not around, though. Am I crazy to feel jealous? Clearly I’m inadequate. I’ve never had a man make me doubt my attractiveness before.

You’re not crazy to feel jealous. I think it’s usually silly when women feel threatened by chicks in porn, but when you’re not getting any sex it’s really easy to resent the fact that your guy is essentially being more sexual with strangers than he is with you. I don’t have any advice, and I wish I did, but I would feel exactly the same.

My first real life sexual experience was a full blown BDSM scene with a guy 20 years older then me I met on the internet. I was tied, gagged, blindfolded, beat to shit, fucked in the ass, beat some more then finally lost my “real” virginity before he pulled out and came in my mouth (which made me gag). It was awesome.

As a feminist, lesbian etc… I would have never watched the aforementioned “anal golf ball” porn, but found it super arousing…So much for studying for finals.

Have a confession that you’re dying to tell someone? Pick me! I’ll post it anonymously for you.

When my (now husband) and I started dating the idea that he was my first “real boyfriend” made him really uncomfortable- he always figured that I couldn’t know if I really liked him if I didn’t have anything to compare him to. To console him I told him that I had always been so busy I just had a bunch of fuck buddies instead of boyfriends- except that I only had one lover before him (who was 20 years my senior). Amazingly, this made him feel much better. But now, I have to remember that damn made up number, cause every so often he’ll ask a question about my “past”.

A guy who had a crush on me once told me he wanted to fuck me sweetly with my own cane (which I use for, like, walking), and I thought that was kind of a darling and intriguing concept. Too bad I wasn’t attracted to him in the least and his kisses felt roughly like a blobfish looks.

On a scale of one to obvious, one being obvious and obvious being really fucking obvious, how obvious is it that I wrote this one?

I’m newly married. And the sex with my husband is incredibly boring. And I’m terrified that I will never have awesome sex.

I bought an eroscillator – one of the deluxe packages with the powerful motor and all – and it just doesn’t do anything for me. I kind of feel like I’m blaspheming the ultimate Dr. Ruth endorsed toy of wonders every time I use my three year old magic wand instead.

Just so you know, internet anonymity may be the only thing saving you from getting clubbed like a baby seal and having your eroscillator wrested from your toy chest. Not because of any blasphemy or anything, just because I really want one and now I know you’re not using yours.

…

Got a sex secret or three? Let them fly away into the internet and be free! No one will know it was you… unless of course you’re me, apparently. But I’m confident you’re not, so have at it!

Oh, and speaking of ConTuesdays, here are some anonymous confessions fresh from the internet!

My boyfriend went on a really special vacation recently — it was to celebrate his birthday, and he paid my entire way. While there, I made out with a man on the street in front of the place we were renting. My boyfriend was upstairs, very drunk and sick. I feel like a shit; I don’t know why I did it.

I frown on the abuse of women, but the porn I like basically involves women being degraded. Otherwise it’s blah. There was this one porn clip I had once where a dude is stuffing golf balls in one girl’s butt and she has to pop them out into another girls mouth, and the man kept calling them bitches and said “we have to make par on this one”, and it made me cum so hard every time. I lost the clip when my hard drive crashed and I miss it. I’m a girl, by the way.

When I meet a man I’m attracted to I don’t usually fantasize about having sex (penis, meet vagina) with him. I do, however, become obsessed with thoughts of sucking his dick.

I want to get really serious for a minute, bitches. As you might have noticed, I only got three confessions this week. Are we running out of deep, dark secrets or what? I just refuse to believe that. I know you have some really horrible things to tell me. Post them anonymously here. We have to make par on this one.

At least that’s what I want to think. But then people gotta piss me off, and my good intentions suddenly aren’t worth the internet real estate they’re rendered on.

It’s May, which apparently means that lots of weddings are starting to happen. I’m going to two in the next month, in fact. Can you smell the calla lilies, the poised shotguns, the feckless optimism, the… somethings blue? I knew you could.

Anyway, my little brother recently went to a good friend’s wedding and came back with an appalling report. No, the bridesmaids didn’t have (gasp!) butch haircuts. It was way worse than that. The wedding was apparently crazy sexist, so much so that my brother, who is not a feminist crusader in the least, noticed it and was profoundly disturbed.

I’m not talking about the general complaints you might hear about how marriage is an institution perpetrated by the patriarchy, or even how the act of a father “giving away” the bride in marriage is a call back to a business transaction where women were chattel and men held all the chips. What I’m talking about is something that I really didn’t realize existed in mainstream American culture anymore at all: the bride and groom agreed to entirely different things in their vows.

The main reading was the whole “Wives submit to your husbands” thing that I wish would just die already, (Can we just take Ephesians, or actually all the Paul of Tarsus stuff, out of the Bible? That’d be super.) I realize that it’s not my business to decide who gets to call the shots in someone else’s relationship, and that I should not take this personally. Maybe the bride explicitly wanted her vows to agree to being controlled. But the idealist in me finds it upsetting that two (presumably non-kinky) people would set the tone for their marriage with a religious reading about power dynamics. “Love is patient, love is kind” is hackneyed, yes, but at least it’s not appointing a mayor of the marriage right then and there. So maybe it only follows that the stated vows reflected that. I don’t know what they said verbatim, but according to what my brother told me it was probably something roughly like this:

Groom
I, _____, take you, ______, to be my wedded wife. With deepest joy I receive you into my life that together we may be one. As is Christ to His body, the church, so I will be to you a loving and faithful husband. Always will I perform my headship over you even as Christ does over me, knowing that His Lordship is one of the holiest desires for my life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care. I promise I will live first unto God rather than others or even you. I promise that I will lead our lives into a life of faith and hope in Christ Jesus. Ever honoring God’s guidance by His spirit through the Word, And so throughout life, no matter what may lie ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as a loving and faithful husband.

Bride
I, _____, take you, ______, to be my wedded husband. With deepest joy I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. _____, I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving you, obeying you, caring for you and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you and so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife.

Notice how only one of them has to say “submit” and “obedient”? Also, “performing headship” over someone is not something I’d want to discuss in front of my parents and brand new in-laws and great aunties, if you know what I mean.

I’ve sat through many, many sermons in my life. Some of them opined that Harry Potter is a Satanic text, and some of them patiently explained that the idea of comparing a husband and his wife to Jesus and his church doesn’t explicitly state that one is better than the other, they’re just different, and hell, someone has to be in charge! But why does someone have to be in charge in a relationship? Is it because talking things over and coming to mutually agreeable conclusions wastes valuable time that could be spent praying? I mean, it’s fun to have someone in charge in bed, but I wouldn’t even agree to that permanently.

I suggest that it’s all bullshit; the Jesus/church comparison belies any claim of “separate but equal”. In the Christian faith I was raised in, Jesus is absolutely held up as superior to the church. He’s the paragon of life, for fuck’s sake, and the church is devoted to worshiping him. To say that this comparison doesn’t elevate the man over the woman in a relationship isn’t just wack, it’s wiggity wack. Ladies, if you’re going to give up that much power, at least have a safeword.

P.S. “I do” is not a safe word.

(image source)

I wish my girlfriend would fuck someone else a few times. (sounds a bit crass when put that way) We were both virgins when we first decided to share our bodies, but the problem is that she still acts like a virgin despite the couple of years that we’ve been together. It’s impossible to experiment, even dirty talk still embarrasses her, and she has no real sex drive and can’t seem to tell me when she wants sex. Coming from someone with exactly the same amount of experience this may seem presumptuous, but I really think she might change if she stopped thinking of herself in the same virginal light.

I give myself enemas all the time. Sexually. It’s awesome. I have no poop fetish, I don’t get off on the poop part, (in fact I have to fastforward past the “expulsion” scenes in enema porn) I just love the feeling of my ass being completely filled up. I wish I had a bigger enema kit so I could give myself HUGE amounts of water.

I’m in a polyamorous relationship with my wonderful fiance. We each have a couple secondary relationships that are completely above board. He thinks that this is the first time I haven’t cheated in a relationship, but he’s wrong. I’m maintaining a secret affair with a guy he really doesn’t like. My fiance would be stressed out if I told him about it because he doesn’t trust my lover, but it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker and he’d never give me an ultimatum. I could be honest. The thing is, I just love the rush of doing it in secret.

The worst part is, I know the fact I’m lying would devastate him.

Psychologists say that paraphilias often evolve from phobias, which in my case is totally true, in that lately I have been so turned on by pregnancy: the thought of getting pregnant, being pregnant — I’ve even been looking at pregnancy porn! In real life, I only want to actually have maybe two kids, but that doesn’t stop me from masturbating furiously to it.

I use the web site Nookist to keep track of my sex life, just for fun. If you go a certain length of time without updating, they send a message asking you where you’ve been. I always feel like it’s adding insult to injury – I’ve been a long time without sex, and now the internet is mocking me?! Trust me, I know I haven’t had sex in a month. I know that well.

That would be a damn depressing email to arrive in one’s inbox: “Ohai. We’ve noticed you’re not getting any. WHY NOT?”

I’d been dating a guy for about 8 months long distance. I was planning a trip to go to his place for a week over the summer. A few days before I left, my mom sat me down told me all about her bloody (seriously – she said she bled through the mattress), painful, awful virginity story to discourage my from losing my virginity… six months after I already had. I just kind of nodded and thought to myself, “Huh. Guess I’m lucky mine was good, then!” She still thinks I was “innocent” for months longer than I was.

Why don’t you send in a secret of your own?

A friend of mine recently became engaged to his girlfriend. As I’ve gotten to know her better I’ve learned that she is very into the kink scene and he’s very vanilla. I don’t want to steal my buddy’s girl or anything, but that doesn’t mean I don’t to make her my slutty little secretary so I can spank her for all her mistakes and fuck her across my desk.

I lost my virginity, not to my sweet boyfriend of the time, but to a close friend at a party. Then I lied and told my boyfriend I had broken my hymen masturbating, before losing my “virginity” again. I felt like because I hadn’t actively said I’d date him (he kissed me and then assumed and I felt trapped until the day I ended it) that it was ok to cheat on him. I finally broke up with him after getting an additional boyfriend and girlfriend which he knew nothing about. He doesn’t know until this day I was never faithful.

There’s been a serial rapist attacking women at knifepoint on my campus over the past three weeks. Everyone’s scared. I personally hope he attacks me. I want to kill him in self-defense. I don’t know if I could do it, but I’d like to try to take him down with me.

I have two kids and a good sex life with my hubby. I have never been able to find my clitoris. Books, web sites, drawings, photos…I’m starting to think I don’t have one!! I know where it should be but I can’t find mine and I don’t think I’ve had any sensation from that location. I would die if anyone knew!!

Send me your secrets!