And when test after test comes back from the doctor reading negative? They start trying to gently tell you that it’s all in your head. Because there’s no such thing as a disability that the doctors can’t pin down. It broke my heart that my own parents thought my crippling back pain was all in my head right up until the day a test finally came back positive.

The silver lining is that I’ve become much more understanding and accepting of others’ limits. I don’t think in the silence of my mind that fat people must be too lazy. I don’t quietly wonder if someone failed out of college because they couldn’t be bothered to work hard enough. I don’t assume that the unemployed are too lazy to get a job.

I might have to resign myself to living a life of monopositional anal. There are worse things.

As for anal stylings, I have no idea – but it’s great that there is one position where it IS awesome! Possibly it’s just to do with fitting puzzle pieces together, and this is where they fit the best.

xx Dee

I love the aspirational moxie that sent us to the moon, but they still won’t let you be an astronaut if you’re under 5’2″. There would be some kind of object lesson in there somewhere if I was willing to refine it more.

I really can’t expect someone to understand what it’s like or how difficult it is. Sometimes when they try it’s even frustrating, like if someone’s all “I know how it is. I have fallen arches,” or something. I know it’s human nature to try to relate something to new to what you know, but sometimes I have to stop and count to ten. But on the other hand, it’s great to find people who do get it, as well as people who make an effort to pay attention and listen and let me whine on occasion.

The other was getting involved in the feminist community, especially online. Because I always noticed sexism; hell, I’m a woman! I always noticed heterosexism; hell, I’m fucking queer! And I knew that racism existed, though as a white woman, I’ve had to go out of my way to be educated in it and understand the dynamics of it. And cisgenderism, too; while I had trans friends, as a ciswoman, the understanding of the dynamics take a little more effort for me. But disablism is one of the isms that we never really think about. Unless, of course, you’re disabled. Then you think about it a whole lot. And I’m glad to have my awareness tipped to it, and to be learning to be more conscious of when I’m being ableist.

This is a fantastic post. Thank you for writing it. You rock.