I had sex with my first wife lots of times when I didn’t want to, but I did my best to conceal that I didn’t want to, and make myself want to. If I were a woman and she were a man, some people would call that rape. Nonsense. It was a very bad marriage, but not rape.

And of course, sexy people with integrity don’t just look for an absence of “no” as an opening to do whatever they want. They wait until they have an enthusiastic “YES!”.

Because of my job, I carry a weapon. I carry all the time. It goes on my belt when I get dressed, and a loaded firearm is within range when I sleep. I think it is immoral to ask others to use force to protect me on my behalf when I will not. This includes the coercive force of the state, such as the legal system.

And, yes. When I am out and about I have a plan to use lethal force on everyone I encounter. I do not consume ethanol or drugs, so my judgement will not be impaired. I don’t think anyone by there actions invites an assault. I do think that a responsible individual will be aware of their risks and work to minimize them. As a man I did not take umbrage over your examples, sexual assault is unacceptable.

Now, people are taken by surprise, or can’t think. Traumatic situations are traumatic, and people don’t think of what to do at the best time. Certainly I don’t. And in some of the acquaintance rape scenarios, a .45 is not the best first response, but a firm, clear NO is.

And, yes. When I am out and about I have a plan to use lethal force on everyone I encounter. I do not consume ethanol or drugs, so my judgement will not be impaired. I don’t think anyone by there actions invites an assault. I do think that a responsible individual will

Rape is REALLY hard to talk about, but I think that’s a big part of why so many sexual assaults go unreported. That’s a very complex issue because it’s important to balance victim care with a suspect’s legal rights. A rape victim has a human right to be heard and taken seriously, but a perpetrator has a legal right to rip her story to shreds in court. We’ve all heard the stories where an alleged rapist walks free because his victim wore the wrong thing, asked him to use a condom once she realized she wasn’t going to be able stop the attack, or admitted to having a rape fantasy at one point.

That, and the shame of the attack, and the fact that often the people close to her– not just her rapist’s defense lawyers, but her boyfriend and family and friends– may refuse to believe that she had no choice… all these things make it risky and terrifying for a woman to cry rape. I’m not saying that false accusations don’t happen, but there is a lot more deterring a real victim than enticing a fake one.

I think the only way we can really encourage women to report sexual assault is to be very aware and vocal about what we as a society find unacceptable. We have to erase the “She slept with him before so what does she care?” fantasy. We have to obliterate the “Why was she naked in his bed? Does she really think she gets to decide how far it goes when it gets to that point?” issue. For the record, she DOES get to decide. We have to all agree what consent is and that when consent is absent, it’s rape. That doesn’t mean that every time a woman claims sexual assault that we throw the guy in prison. Due process we keep. But we throw out the immediate distrust that rape victims face when they speak out, and we all get on the same page about what rape is.

…Which will probably never happen.

Rape is a tough issue to talk about, and that is one of the biggest problem. It’s hard to have an honest and open dialogue, IME. Hell, I’ve deleted this comment and started over once already, and I started writing that one hours ago.

Too many rapes go unreported (and thus unpunished). How do you combat that without seeming to blame the victim?