Dancing to the hottest baby-free jam.
I just finished my first period since restarting birth control pills after a couple years’ break. The shift in my ability to remain positive and uninterested in self-harm was amazing. There was a bit of depression, sure, but it was nothing like last month. It’s like my period unleashes swarms of dementors, and my patronus is shaped like a little round pill that changes color every Sunday.
Which is weird. I always thought my patronus would be a dolphin.1 Okay, but also Pinkie Pie. And Sharon Needles.
I realize that correlation is not causation, but I’ve decided to assume for the time being I actually do need to remain on hormonal contraception in order to not be a very crazy wreck half the time or more. So I’ve been spectacularly stressed out about what happens when I run out of pills, which happens in just under a month at this point. But! I found out today that I do indeed qualify for a state program that will help pay for birth control (which is not shocking because seriously, I know people who spend the equivalent of my income on just restaurant visits, but the gears of bureaucracy turn slowly).
It looks like I may be able to choose between several different varieties of fake girl hormone delivery devices, and I’d love to get some input on how they’ve worked out for others. I think many different permutations of pill are on the table, as are the NuvaRing and Mirena IUD. Advice? Warnings of doom?
Ideally I want something that delivers the lowest dose of hormones possible (because health issues) but that can still give me the benefits of not wanting to kill myself. Extra bonus points if it doesn’t bloat me like an engorgement charm or make me ravenously hungry (because remember how I’m poor?), and if it gives me bigger boobs. What? I can’t be vain?
- If spirit animals were a thing, mine would be a dolphin: they’re clever and social and have lots of sex for fun. [↩]