ConTuesday! Tower of Open and Honest Communication
I fully understand that there are some things you can just never say to people. What those things are depends, predictably, on the people. I fantasize a lot about how it would be if we could all just share all possibly relevant information with one another, at least with the people we’re closest to.
I don’t like the way you kiss. I want to build a future with you. I’m not in love with you anymore, but I don’t like the idea of losing you. I might want kids after all. I cheated. I’m scared you’re not in love with me anymore, but you don’t like the idea of losing me. I’ve been faking my orgasms, so can we work on replacing those with real ones?
And I pretend to think it would be terrifying for a couple weeks, but then we’d get used to it and wonder what the big deal was. I’m not sure I really believe that.
My boyfriend of three and a half years and I have very recently opened up our relationship, mostly due to my rediculously high sex drive, but also our mutual inexperience and bisexuality. We got together when we were both young teenagers, and settling down for a lifetime commitment when we’ve only ever touched eachother seems like a recipe for disaster. So! We’re exploring.
Im trying to resist the urge to run out and glut myself on all the pretty ladies, much as I have to resist eating the whole damn cheesecake at once. Self control, where for art thou? Help me! Guide me?
Communication and integrity are the Jachin and Boaz1 of open relationships. And that’s not just with your partner, but with yourself. It’s a good time to figure out what sex and love mean to you, what you’re looking for, and what your personal code of conduct is. I think there’s value in making these agreements with ourselves first and our partner/s second.
But by all means, seriously, enjoy your cheesecake!
I’ve had sex 6 times in the last 4 days with 3 different guys. I love how different they all are and how they each make me feel great in their own way. I’ve been trying to work up the courage to ask 2 of them for a threesome: the one with the best dick, and the kinkiest one.
When it comes to communication, offering people sex should be fairly simple (spoiler: it is very often not). You ask for what you want to happen, the other party or parties respond honestly and without fear. Sex happens or it doesn’t.
This has very little to do with the world I have actual experience inhabiting, but I can’t for the life of me figure out any good reasons why that’s so.
Early this year I went to a music festival. It was amazing, and I met a guy there. Long story short, we ended up on the ground in some barely there shadows. I felt free and happy, even when some couple walked past, all I could ask was whether or not their mama ever taught them to knock. I ended up on my back, laughing for no reason and every reason.
Which lasted until he asked me WHY I was laughing. Couldn’t he just laugh with me?
So, that’s it. No deep and deviant sexual confession. No desire for a life-long partner (or a few) that share my every interest. I just want someone to laugh at the stars with, and/or deliver orgasms.
There are people in this world who don’t want to be asked the things that other people in the world will always want to ask. Neither of these groups is in the wrong, but sometimes they miss out on laughing at stars together, and that’s rather sad, isn’t it?
I’ve been dating an absolutely wonderful trans man for almost a year. I’m crazy about him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. The sex is great, I love his dick. The thing is, I love getting penetrated. That’s way to clinical- I love getting fucked, really hard. He does it with his fingers and I come like crazy, but… every once in a while, I really, really, really want to get fucked with a regular dick.
I can never, *EVER* admit this to him.
I see where you’re coming from on this one. Seriously, how would a person even try to get that information across without causing damage?
Also, though, prosthetics can be amazing, in my opinion.
This isn’t really a sex secret, but it’s messed up the sex life which used to be so awesome whereas now he rarely makes me orgasm. Boyfriend cheated on me while he was depressed but still loves me and through the insane drama of his ex, I find out he had a kid 3+ years ago that he didn’t tell me about (because that part of is life was depressing, yeah his life has been one shitty event after another but GEEZ). It feels like if the sex can be fixed, the rest won’t matter. I’m okay with bringing myself to orgasm, but I miss the amazing sex where we worked on it together. Maybe, though, the sex can’t be fixed until the emotional shit pile is dealt with. I’d really rather deal with the sex first.
Sometimes, sometimes, the sex stuff and the emotional shit are intertwined. It’s like those detective novels where the P.I. starts off working two cases, and somewhere near the end of the second act, he realizes HOLY SHIT THEY ARE THE SAME CASE!
So, yeah, talking might be a good idea.
I kinda have bad luck with girls. Oh yea, I can talk to them, make them laugh, even manage some awkward flirting, but a majority of the girls I talk to are strictly straight or otherwise in a committed relationship. And because I make friends with some of them, I have a lot of attractive girls in my life. My best friend is one of those girls. She’s smart, caring, funny, incredibly sexy, and awkward. The perfect lady boner combo for me.
I’ve always been sexually attracted to her, but lately it’s been more urgent than before. I really want to make her come. Multiple times. In my mouth. I know she likes penetration and I’m actually confident about my skills in that area, but I really want the intimacy of oral sex. I want all five of my senses tuned in to her. I want her to know how serious I am when I say I care about her.
We have already acknowledged that we love each other and that there’s something different about our friendship, but I don’t know if she realizes how much I want her or how she feels about me. She says she likes girls even though she’s mostly been with guys up until now. And she knows I’m mostly into girls. I’m suppose to take her out this weekend, right before Valentine’s Day. I’m going to try to get up the courage to tell her how I feel, but I’m afraid that I’m going to chicken out. I’m trying to tell myself that at worse she doesn’t feel the same and that she’ll just be that one friend that I masturbate to or she does feel the same and I’ll have a girlfriend (who I’m going to fuck senseless) for Valentine’s Day!
Grandiose confessions of love are unique in the realm of communication. They hold a special kind of magic. I hope you have a girlfriend now, and damned if you wouldn’t be coming up on half a year in about a minute here…
Sometimes I am slow to post these, people. I’ve been up front about this.
This weekend I was at a party where a lot of people wanted to have sex with me. And have sex I did, with some of them.
Today I am subjecting myself to the worst kind of slut shaming. See, in my head, none of these people wanted to sleep with me because I am attractive or interesting or kind or whatever motivates people, but because I *will* sleep with people.
Clearly none of them are attracted to *me* so much as anyone who will put out. And how unfair is that to everyone involved? Now I’m impugning their judgment as well as mine. Knowing that this kind of thinking is utterly ridiculous and being able to stop doing it are two entirely different bags of worms.
The worst part is many of the close friends I might have shared this with were kind of involved in the sex or at least the wanting. So, uhm, anonymous internet venting for the win?
Maybe stop being a dick to yourself and acknowledge the truth? There are certainly people on this planet sad enough to sleep with someone just because that someone is willing, but deep down, you know none of them were at this party.
But vent here any time. That goes for all of you. You are marvelous. I really can never say that enough.
- Yeah, sometimes I make arbitrary Freemason references. What? [↩]