ConTuesday! Those little disappointments.
Life is full of little disappointments, isn’t it? Well, not so much for me; I got a unicorn horn dildo for Christmas. But for you people? Lots of little disappointments. They’re unavoidable.
But may the good stuff make up for them twelve times over this year!
Every week, when I read the confessions, and mine aren’t there (I think I’ve sent in 3 over the past several weeks) it gives me a sad.
I hope this brightens up your day. The only confession of yours that I know to put up has made it into the very first ConTuesday of the year!
If you’re still disappointed, fear not. I have a tingly sensation in my earlobes that tells me I’ll get to the others before too long. I’m practically the groundhog that way.
I am starting to feel like a Nice Guy.
I’m a sadistic top, and there are few things that get me wetter than tying someone up and torturing them (consensually!) for an hour or more. My relationships don’t always allow for this sort of play, so I sometimes play with different people (again, with the knowledge and consent of my partners).
I swear to everything that is holy, submissives are the most goddamn annoying group of people I’ve ever met. Since I’m still “young” by BDSM terms, most of the people with whom I play are fairly new to the scene. In between navigating “Tigger Syndrome”, daddy issues, and bizarre and creepy relationship requests (I agreed to hit you, that does not mean that we’re engaged or have a deep emotional connection, or, heaven forbid, that I’m the only one who REALLY UNDERSTANDS you.), I have to deal with people who find the idea of limits abhorrent.
“What do you want to do?”
“Oh, you know. I figured you could just tie me up and hurt me for a bit.”
“Okay, do you have any way you like to be hit? Caning, flogging, spanking…?”
*Pulls face* “You know, my PREVIOUS master didn’t ask questions. He just did what he wanted. Are you sure you’re really a top?”
Why yes, yes, I AM sure, and I’m sorry that trying not to kill you or cause emotional damage ruins the mood. (Spoiler: I’m really not.)
I get people complaining that I do things like check for circulation and breathing, or that I ask for a list of hard limits, or that I spend the first few sessions getting a feel for the bottom rather than just wailing on them until they safeword. The way I learned it, that’s how to be a GOOD top.
Unfortunately, it’s also the main reason cited when I ask why people don’t want to play with me again. Said people then go off to Creepy McWifebeater because he “doesn’t play with limits” and “provides the TRUE submissive experience”.
Ffffff… I don’t want to become a Nice Guy, but it’s equal parts frustrating and infuriating to see people my age care so little about their safety. I really worry about how “the community” seems to focus on going harder, deeper, longer than everyone else. It’s one-upmanship that’s not healthy, and I especially hate how I’m judged to be a “bad partner” for actually treating my submissive like a human being.
/sighs I get if you want that, but could you at least wait until the scene begins?
Maybe I’m not grokking the flagrant disregard for health and personal safety because I’m not very submissive (that I know of), but I can state as someone who’s beginning to explore BDSM as a bottom, you’re describing pretty much what I’m looking for in a top. I hope for my sake that you are not the minority.
Maybe– and this is just an idea– these people should try submitting to common sense, and see how that works out.
(Oh, and I should also note that I don’t personally know a great many people who identify as submissive at this point, but I can’t see the ones I do know pulling this rubbish. Yeesh.)
i’m bisexual. i’ve only dated guys so far and i’m currently engaged to the love of my life….who is also a guy. he’s monogamous, i have polyamorous tendencies but am content in monogamous relationships. i’m struggling a little in this one though, because, we are SO compatible and i truly believe we have the potential to be together forever – BUT HE’S A DUDE. i get so much shit for being bisexual when i haven’t so much as kissed a woman. i know i am – but what if i never get a chance to truly explore that side of myself? :(
I didn’t start exploring with women until I was in an open relationship, so I don’t have much in the way of advice for a bisexual in a monogamous relationship with someone of only one gender. Because you seem to really want to explore your attraction to women, part of me is sort of hoping that your fiance comes around to the idea of opening up things a little. But I don’t know if that’s fair. Sometimes people in open relationships are too quick to act like that’s the answer for everyone.
At very least, you need to get a female stripper for your bachelorette party.
My first lesbian experience involved a sexy, funny friend who was so stunningly hot that I still often imagine her pink nipples and orgasmic shudder when I masturbate.
My husband finds her just as attractive, maybe more, and several times per month we both arrive at screaming release while telling each other dirty stories about threesomes with this woman.
We both really want a threesomes with her.
The problem…neither of us are really into her boyfriend, and we don’t want to make things awkward in that way.
If you as a couple invite someone to a threesome and they bring their significant other, it is a sure sign that you’re dealing with someone who can’t count for shit.
I mean, you know she’s into at least one of you, so I think maybe I’d risk it and ask her what she thought about a threesome, provided she watched a respectable amount of Sesame Street as a kid.
You know your sluthood has jumped the shark when you’re making out with a guy on the floor, he’s groping your ass, and your roommates’ reaction is to continue discussing whether invisibility or flight is a cooler superpower.
That is just a waste. Flight is obviously cooler, and your roommates should all know that. Show me a person who would rather be invisible and I will show you one sneaky motherfucker.
Not that I have a problem with sneaky motherfuckers. They tend to have excellent confessions.
“If you as a couple invite someone to a threesome and they bring their significant other, it is a sure sign that you’re dealing with someone who can’t count for shit.”
I laughed out loud at this.
And flight. Always flight. Look, I fight crime for a living, and I STILL would rather fly than be invsible. This question is a very good identification test for what kind of person you’re talking to.
I’d take invisibility, personally. I don’t THINK I’m a sneaky motherfucker, though. I have a phobia with new places, and it would be totally awesome to be able to go somewhere for the first time without anyone able to see me. As is, I drag a slightly annoyed friend along to anyplace I’ve never been before, and hide behind them while they figure it all out for me. Invisibility would be a tad easier (on them, anyway.)
Hrm. If I could fly, I wouldn’t have to deal with shitty local drivers, shitty airports, shitty TSA, and could just take great-circle routes everywhere I went. But I wouldn’t be able to carry much in the way of cargo, just whatever I could hang on to for however long, or fit in a backpack, etc. Hauling a sheet of plywood back from the lumber yard would be right out just on aerodynamics.
Invisibility would get me out of crowds, through shitty TSA, entrance where ever I wanted to go, out of parties, and make for some cool-as-hell tricks during sex, provided there’s some workaround to let light still hit the retina so I could see. And it’s not like I can’t still just drive where I need to go if I can’t personally fly.
Can we get some specifics here, confessor? Is this flight powerful enough to have a couple people ride around on your back without getting tired? What sort of weight limits are in place? How fast is it? How long does it take to go from visible to invisible? Can you still appear on sonar-like devices? Thermal? Really there isn’t enough information here to make a solid choice, but I’d *cautiously* lean towards invisible for what we’ve got to go on. Oh, and to help on the other thing post pics of your ass or something. Man, no more dealing with craptastic local drivers really is a big draw though…
Oh, Confessor #2, you give me hope! :D
My friends and I* once worked out the criteria on the two. For flight, you get to carry anything that you could carry while walking, for as long as you could while walking. So, I’d be able to carry Stingray for a LOT further than he could carry me. Winter transatlantic flights carrying much weight would be right out, though. Also, we established Mach 1 as the upper limit on flight speed. Oh, and the characteristic that permits flight would also make you immune to windburn and windchill while flying.
As for invisibility, I believe that the criteria permitted clothing to be invisible, and whatever was concealed by the clothing, too. Of COURSE it’s instantaneous. There is still some question as to whether you can see yourself or other invisible persons while invisible.
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* No, I’m not the confessor, nor even the confessor’s pal (I don’t think. But who knows?), but it’s clear that I absolutely could be distracted from a sex show on the floor by a good game of “which superpower?”.
I hate to have to ask, but what the heck is “Tigger Syndrome”? I’m wary of the google when it’s sex-confession-related.
@Matt G, bravo to your criteria. Assuming that whatever makes you immune to windburn and windchill also makes you immune to bug-gunk-in-the-face, I’m on the side of the people going with flight.
One day, Winnie the Pooh found a strange creature on his doorstep. After introductions, Pooh thought to offer his guest some food, and asked him what he liked to eat.
“Tiggers like everything”, replied Tigger.
Accordingly, Pooh offered him the only food he had in the house, a pot of honey. After sampling it, Tigger declared,
“Tiggers don’t like honey.”
“I thought Tiggers liked everything,” said Pooh.
“Except honey,” qualified Tigger.
Pooh took Tigger to the house of his best friend, Piglet, who offered him some acorns. After disposing of a mouthful, Tigger declared,
“Tiggers don’t like acorns.”
“I thought Tiggers liked everything,” said Piglet.
“Except honey,” corrected Pooh.
“And acorns,” added Tigger.
——————————-
That, in a nutshell, is Tigger Syndrome.
I have an idea for the not-a-Nice-Guy top: ask for that information in a way that’s less casual and fun, and more sexy demanding. “Tell me what you like, [sexy talk sexy talk], and I’ll decide if you deserve it.” You don’t need to drop the top attitude in order to communicate! Read some Sugarbutch; she does that well.
@Latining: mind = blown, thanks for the clarification.
Confessor #2: a good dominant does discuss and respect limits, and I’m gonna keep on believing that no matter how many subs reject me for it, dammit! In my case, though, it’s not that they refuse to play a second time; it’s that they say they want to play and when I say “Cool, let’s have a preliminary meeting over coffee to discuss our limits, what each of us wants to get out of this experience, etc.” they’re like “NO I JUST WANT TO COME OVER AND DO KINKY STUFF RIGHT AWAY” and I refuse and they vanish.
I’ve experienced Tigger Syndrome a bunch of times, but never knew it had a name. The fact that it does tells me I’m not alone in my experiences with asinine “subs” (“Yeah, I’m totally a super-kinky sub! Do anything you want to me! ARRRRGH not that! Ew ew ew.”)
The problem, I think, is that these entitled little subbies assume that whatever they wank to is the only kind of BDSM out there. They seriously don’t realize how many different acts and attitudes are out there or how hugely incompatible two people can be even if they find each other attractive and one is dom and the other is sub. And that is why, in my early days when I didn’t insist on preliminary discussions, a boy came over to my house probably expecting to be tied up and fellated or something…and I ordered him to clean my kitchen. I’d been reading a bunch of fantasy stories about houseboys and he – judging by how grudgingly he did my dishes – had not. THIS IS WHY WE TALK FIRST, PEOPLE.
Apropos of Confession #2, In looking at the BDSM world from the outside, I have concluded that explicit consent (let alone enthusiastic consent) is much more an ideal than a reality. I’ve heard people claim that people in BDSM make much more of a deal of informed consent than other parts of society, but when I actually watch their behavior, I find that they actually tend to just do things and see what they can get away with.
But if it is an ideal rather than a reality, what of it?
(The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis, p. 181-182)
Wow… “Nice Guy” I wish I could meet you… Just saying…