ConTuesday! This was a triumph.
Today I’m in the mood for triumphant confessions. Maybe it’s the fact that the heat wave broke a little, wherever the fuck I live. Maybe it’s my fundamental drive to see people be happy. Or maybe it’s because I want to sex-brag myself sometimes, but that seems a little vulgar on my own blog.
Could be anything, really. I give you jubilation.
I fucked the locksmith who came to change my locks today. It was pretty much like the plot of a billion unimaginative porn movies. Except that he bought me lunch first. I’ve never seen lunch in a porno.
It was totally porn sex too, but in a good way. He had me bent into all sorts of positions, and he fucked my ass, which I love.
I never thought I was the sort of girl who could pull off a random lunch time hook-up with the delivery boy. I wasn’t even sure that such a thing existed outside of fiction. It was awesome, though.
This is known as “living the dream”! The locksmiths I’ve met personally are not… well, I wouldn’t…
Well I’m sure they’re lovely people, but not in my ass.
This week, two of my favourite fuck-buddies told me we can’t sleep together any more because they’re starting to fall for me. Part of me is sad that I don’t get to sleep with them anymore, but part of me is really flattered that they like me that much.
This is a Pyrrhic victory, of course, but it counts as a victory to be consistently too dreamy not to fall for.
I’ve been extremely ticklish all my life, to the point where anything even resembling a tickle anywhere on my body sent me into giggles. Turns out, this also means that it’s incredibly easy to give me an intense series of orgasms without even touching my breasts or genitals!
Orgasms through tickling, or orgasms through being the sensitive sort of person who can be tickled at the drop of a hat? I feel like this is an important distinction without knowing exactly why.
So, I can’t actually get myself off with my own fingers. It somehow seems like a lot of effort for something I know I can do just as well in half the time with one of my toys and a bit of lube. I’ve only actually ever come twice from manual stimulation: once during phone sex with a now-ex, where he told me what he wanted me doing and was talking me through what we’d be up to if we were together (super hot, incidentally) and the other was with my current boyfriend, who was laying next to me fucking a smooth vibrator into my bum as I rubbed my clit. It was also the first time I’d ever climaxed with anything anal going on, other than the presence of a plug we’d been using to work towards full on penetration. Awesome!
Awesome is right!
Ever since I first watched it as a little girl, the peacock’s dance in the Nutcracker: The Motion Picture has turned me on wildly. Sometimes I think it’s what got me into cages/bondage and anthropomorphism. Beautiful girls just get more beautiful with the addition of a long, flowing tail, in my opinion.
I haven’t been secretive about my long-standing grudge against the uncanny valley and my ambivalence over anthropomorphism, but then again, how does one argue with this?
I’ve been having sex with a girl who’s 7 years older then me recently. It’s hard finding new things that she hasn’t done, but even still I have found a few different things such as being tied up during sex, and she loves me exploring to find new magic spots. Can’t wait to find some more!
Flowing tails, maybe? Tying each other up with? Or cages.
I come whenever I’m riding in a car over the Queensboro Bridge. Literally, I have a little orgasm from the vibrations. I can’t even think about that bridge without getting aroused.
It’s the sexiest of bridges.
Or bridges. Goddamn, yes, bridges. Maybe there’s a reason they named this one after a Koch.
I’m making a note here: Huge Success.
That is all.