ConTuesday! Opinionated anyway.
At this moment, as I write this, I feel completely unmoored. I’m not sure that I know who I am or what I am or what reality is or if reality is. And it’s okay, really. There’s no reason that has to be a bad thing. In fact, I probably never really know anything; I probably only ever just forget that I don’t. Remembering feels weird and uncanny somehow.
Perhaps I will know, or think I know, things tomorrow. Today I don’t. Does that mean I will forgo giving people my opinions about their confessions? Never has before!
Sometimes I wake up and know that it’s going to be a terrible day at work, so I take the morning off of work to sit and home and masturbate.
Maybe I should try that. Is masturbation a valid treatment for feeling weird and uncanny, or would that just be positive reinforcement?
We met a couple of years ago, and there was an instant flash of recognition between us. Something really sexy, even though he’s almost 20 years older than I am (and that puts him well into senior-discount territory).
We established a friendship, but my partner was always (and rightly so) on alert because of the way his friend and I lit each other up, and I never pushed contact with his friend because I was worried about were it would go. I kept the boundaries pretty well-patrolled and I’m proud of that. It wasn’t a sacrifice at the time; I was happy with my guy and didn’t want to pursue relationships that might threaten it.
We weren’t open at the time, as you can probably tell.
Well. My guy and I broke it off — or, at least, we severed our exclusivity even though it seems as if we’re still seeing each other — and doing fine.
A few nights ago, my not-quite-boyfriend-anymore’s friend came over to my place, bearing wonderful gifts of food and books. We ran around town laughing like little kids, and ended up at my house in a ridiculous makeout session that didn’t end in sex (my choice) but that made my whole next day.
My head’s still spinning. I don’t feel guilty because my not-quite-guy’s free to do the same thing, and we’ve decided, for the moment, to keep any exploits to ourselves.
Gawd, that was fun. I really, really want to do it again.
I vote you do it again! How often in life do we meet people who really, truly light us up? Really.
I would love love love LOVE to do the group marriage. My wife watches ”Big Love” and sees Bill Paxton with his three wives, and she does not say ”game over, man!” She loves the thought of it. One wife is a business type bread-winner. Another is the domestic type, homemaker. The brides think of each other like sisters. The husband gives his love to each and all. Hell, with the right guy, I’ve no problem with a brother-husband, too. (My wife’s not sure about that.) We get economies of scale. The family wins.
Why is it so hard for this dream to be possible?
We’ve even got the first candidate for an addition picked out. I have more than once actually considered telling her.
The dream is undeniably possible for a lot of people, many of whom are currently in group marriages. The main problems include social conditioning to expect monogamy and to feel like anything else is weird or deviant or less than we deserve, and complexity. You know how hard it is to maintain a healthy relationship with one person? It necessarily takes exponentially more work the more people you add. But it’s possible. If anything is really possible or impossible or even really exists.
Another thing, though? Your wife might like to watch Star Trek and fantasize about space travel, but that doesn’t mean she’s seriously lobbying to get on a manned mission to Mars. If you’ve only talked about these issues in terms of a TV show, you may not know where she actually stands on this.
P.S. R.I.P. Sally Ride, you awesome lesbian you.
My college has a noble yearly tradition, the Beer Mile. Also known as the Naked Mile.
I’d never been naked with anyone. Not a single person. But I’ve now been naked with approximately 300 people.
It was glorious and anti-climatic and arousing and normalizing all at once. I’ve never seen so many naked bodies, but at the same time no single body stood out or was distinct. It was a sea of diverse but beautiful bodies.
My school had one of these too, but I had nothing close to approaching the gumption to strip and run it. Go you!
I will not mince words here: the thing I want the most right now is a titfuck, and I want it long, oily, and ended with me coming hard into my partner’s mouth. Furthermore, part of me wants this to happen somewhere public, in full view of other people.
I’m imagining people from all over the internet copying and pasting this directly into craigslist ads.
I wanted to mess around.
She sighed. “I don’t feel like I’ve got the time to waste,” she said. Then she said she would. I felt embarrassed. I said not to worry about it.
She went into the other room to watch TV on the couch. I felt so small and petty the rest of the night.
Yeah, cause wanting to physically connect with someone? Totally a waste of time. Totally petty.
What the fucking fuck?