Monogamy makes sense to me. I think it works beautifully for some people, and that it is absolutely a valid lifestyle choice. Monogamy as the default, not so much. I think that’s why I get a lot of confessions about the drawbacks of monogamy: it’s more or less expected in society at large, and that chafes many of us. Even if we choose to participate in monogamy, it’s hard not to rage against it a little during those little dark wank sessions of the soul.
Hey, rich premium-cable-subscribing people, did you know that Showtime is premiering a new reality show about polyamory next week? Does more exposure of polyamory and other kinds of ethical non-monogamy mean that monogamy will become less of a default as time drags pop culture along with it? Is this show going to be fascinating, embarrassing, or fascinatingly embarrassing?
I’ve some friends who clearly need a good fucking to get out of their funk. In a more perfect world, I’m *just* the person to give it to them. But the monogamous nature of my relationship means that I can’t. Bad luck for all concerned.
You could fuck your monogamous partner more often and dedicate your performance (with partner approval) to your needy friends. Sometimes it really is the thought that counts.
No, that is not the weirdest idea I’ve had today.
I think I’m poly just because I’m obsessed with sex and being monogamous gets boring… and when i’m with someone new, my primary tries so much more to impress me
Well, there you go. You’ve found your system.
I’m an FtM kinkster in the midwest
[hope that doesn't identify me 0_0 I think I might be the only one out here!]
I was in a almost successful poly relationship last year, til she lied and left me for someone who couldn’t distinguish BDSM from abuse.
I blamed myself for shying from her need to be punished so severely. Then I long distance dated a monogamous girl.
I wasn’t going to lose this girl and she turned me into the Punisher. I crave sadism now. Craved it so much I was giving it to closeted bi married rednecks while I waited for an opening in her schedule just to see her again.
*picture me, genderfk that I am, glancing at the clock on the wall with wooden paddle in hand, balls deep in farmer browns ass while he is strapped face down to a wooden table with his arms tied behind him in plastic ties like we’re living in a police state and I’ve come to seize his rights.*
That’s when I realized I’d done it again.
Farmer Brown and I had the same problem: We were NOT getting what we needed emotionally b/c the other partner was unavailable or unwilling and we were STARVED.
I donn’t see it as cheating, not at all! I’m crazy about her!
I see it as a desperate act to emotionally purge/exercise. In my relationships, my partner is a leg and I am a leg. When I am without them, I’m just a stump, which is cool, I can chill… but if I wanna get anywhere I need someone to dance with.
BDSM polyamory to me is giving me a prosthetic while your hopping over here and there and yonder.
You wouldn’t tell a one legged man that he doesn’t need another leg, he can just wait for his leg to come back to him. That’s crazy talk.
Life is a buffet of awesome. So if you say you will feed me and I can’t eat without you, but you don’t feel up to cookin this month GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY, I’mma order out!
I think a lot of people would do the same in your position, and I sympathize, but I want to make the distinction between polyamory and cheating clear to everyone reading. A lot of people cheat on partners they’re crazy about. That can still be cheating, and it doesn’t magically invalidate anyone’s feelings for the person they’re cheating on. If you’re calling what you do polyamory, I think that technically means you’re disclosing what’s going on to some degree, even if it’s just “I’m not monogamous with you”.
At the same time, yeah, I have no idea what one does when in a relationship where they’re not getting adequate sex and not “allowed” to outsource it…
I was duped into a relationship with someone who claimed to be old-fashioned and thus put off the issue of actual sex. I was blinded by some very hot heavy-petting, but no actual below-the-waist activity. Turns out, this person apparently doesn’t like or want sex at all. I was deceived. Now they think they have exclusivity because we are a couple. What a joke. What a fucking liar.
…unless it involves breaking up.
I’ve slept with a lot of my friends. This is awesome to me, as I like them all very much and they were all fun in bed (except for the one who wasn’t, who got some lessons; who knew I liked teaching sexy-sex-ed?), and I hope it’s awesome to them, too. I like to imagine they brag about me to each other when I’m not around. They probably don’t, but I really hope they do.
Now I want to secretly watch while a heap of my past and current lovers talk about how I am in bed. Okay, so that would probably not happen (pretty sure there are more interesting things to talk about), and I would probably die of embarrassment if I had to watch it. But it would be fascinating.
My peruvian coworker- if I wasn’t a monogamously married woman, I’d drag him into the vault and work and bang him like a gong while he said anything at all, as long as it was in spanish.
I hope you speak enough Spanish that you could recognize the phrase “sexual harassment”. You know, just in case.
I have 3 nipples.
More options! Having two nipples is very limiting, really.
I’ve never really made out much. I started sex very early, and face time was displaced having actual sex. It’s sad, but the first girl that I had sex with, I never ever made out with. Not once. We were about 12. Years later, I made out some with girlfriends, but the scene moved VERY quickly to coitus. Now my wife cares not a lot for making out, and then only full-on, P-in-V sex, when we’ll play with each other’s tongues.
I met an old friend from high school, tonight, having a wife-approved drink at a pub. My friend has weathered VERY well. She’s cute, and hug-intensive. She paid a lot of attention to what I said, because it seemed to matter to her. I made several references to my wife, and asked about her husband. I even in passing made a clear reference to the fact that: A: I don’t cheat, and B: I never regarded my friend as a sexual partner candidate.
(B) is only partly true. I never regarded her as a candidate ONLY because of (A). But for (A), I’d be on this lady as fast as she would permit me to be. I kid myself that perhaps she would be on board.
I walked her out to her car, and realized that I really, really wanted to make out with her. Not fuck her, mind you. I just wanted to pull her face to mine, and hold it there while kissing her mouth, and maybe take that lower lip between my teeth for a second before putting my tongue to hers, gently, then harder, and then pulling back to see if she pushed toward me again. I would have hugged her while kissing her neck, then her face, and then put her into her car and walked away.
But I didn’t. I hugged her and said goodbye, and walked away with some shame and a fair bit of regret. Given that I was going to feel it anyway, I kind of wish I’d done it.
But maybe reading this now you’re glad you didn’t. Maybe.
I love my girlfriend. She loves me. We both started to have feelings for a mutual friend. Long story short, she likes us too. We had a really good talk, and we’re going to try out a triadic relationship between the three of us.
So… do you have any advice? We’re all pretty new to this. And by ”this” I mean everything. Our new partner has never been kissed. My girlfriend and I were each other’s first time. We’re all new to poly. We just love each other and want this to work. Help, we’re only 19 and advice would be So appreciated.
I have a lot of readers who are experienced with polyamory, and others who are just smart about relationships, and still others who have a fair bonny bit of common sense. I know they’re out there. I am asking these people to dispense some amazing advice for these three 19-year-olds.
Mine is just this: however much communication works for you in your monogamous dyad, you will probably need roughly nine times that much to sustain a triad. Talk about things you didn’t even realize there were words for, if possible.
You, reader? Confess something.