ConTuesday! Moderately-priced intercourse package
It’s cute how I can’t just get a cold or the flu and then recover from it like normal people. No, that would be silly. Of course it becomes pneumonia. Pneumonia in the midst of life trauma type stuff.
That, kind and indulgent reader, is basically why there was no ConTuesday last week. This week, though? Different story. There is a ConTuesday. I may still have pneumonia; I may still be having a month full of turpentine, gristle, and mud, but guess what? January’s almost over and I’ve always had luck with Februaries.
Hey, former sex worker here.
Every time a guy talks about how he’s “so good” that even prostitutes get off with him, I laugh. I laugh long and hard on the inside (or outside, if it’s online) and shake my head.
Guys, seriously: That is what you are paying for.
I know some women can have endless orgasms, but the general consensus is that after about ten it starts to hurt. Also, the pounding, slapping, whateverthefuck thing you think you’re doing REALLY DOES NOT WORK. A body is a finely tuned instrument, and it takes repeated practice before you can tune it to accept your stimuli.
The “orgasm” comes standard with the moderately-priced intercourse package, which also includes insincere platitudes and expressions of disbelief that you’re a virgin. It’s what you’re paying for. Be honest.
Sex work is one-tenth sex, three-tenths customer service, and three-fifths human affection and contact. That’s what separates it from a fleshlight. Start being honest about what you’re buying.
And hey, maybe if we can, as a culture, accept that affection and reassurance is more important than sex, people will start treating sex workers with respect.
PS: None of us care about the size of your penis, big or small. We don’t care either way, as long as you use a condom.
If I had enough money to pay for sex, though, I’m sure it would be different with me. Right? Right?
Last night I had a threesome with my roommate and her fuckbuddy. It’s the nicest thing ever to be having sex with a guy while your friend is in the corner reading Sandman, and no one has any problems with this situation.
Yeah, until it all gets jumbled up together and somebody pictures The Corinthian while climaxing.
The best thing I ever did for myself …was get a genital piercing. When I listen to music that’s heavy on bass, I have a built-in hands-free vibrator. When I go to concerts and stand by the amp… well. I think I deserve some kind of medal for this weekend, or a spot in Guinness: most orgasms experienced while standing in three-inch heels is all mine.
I can honestly say I have never wanted to shove metal through my skin more. Things I need to know:
- If you are a clitoris-having person. I don’t want to assume, but I want to know if your setup would apply to me.
- What exact piercing did you get?
- Am I really considering getting a genital piercing based on the anecdote of an anonymous stranger? (Answer: I’m not not considering it.)
- If I do this, what song should I listen to first?
Why do more boys not make noise? The guy I fucked last night made the prettiest noises… a couple of times he just kept saying “wow.” It was the hottest thing.
Oh dear Anubis, yes. I don’t really share this often, but male voices are a particular turn-on for me. I wish there were an industry term that made it easy to look for porn clips where guys talk a lot and make sexy sounds while fucking, because I would use it in searches even more than I use “The Corinthian rule 34″.
Sometime when I bring up the fact that I actually like sucking dick, a friend will agree and say something about how it makes her feel powerful and she enjoys the feeling of giving pleasure to her man. I usually just pretend to agree with that, but honestly, I like it for itself. There’s just something unbelievably hot about the feeling of a cock in my mouth, especially the smooth, soft head. And as for power, it makes me feel like a powerLESS sex object, and I LOVE IT! Does this make me a bad feminist?
Nope.
My girlfriend spanked my vulva too hard and it left bruises. I’m trying to figure out whether the mind-blowing orgasms I had with her at the time are worth the three subsequent days of being too sore for any kind of sex whatsoever. For some reason it’s the not being able to masturbate that annoys me the most.
I’m not entirely sure it would be worth the three days of frustration, but I’d be willing to find out for myself. There is something about this confession that makes me all squirmy and speculative. Probably the vulva slapping, if I had to guess.
Former sex worker can add fractions.
That’s hot.
I had the same experience with my clit hood piercing. It is the best thing I ever did for myself sexually. I didn’t have much trouble coming before, but after it became even easier, and the pressure it exerts just while being moved around during penetrative sex has made that LOADS more fun. And yes, heavy bass makes it feel sooooo good. I would suggest just going out to a dubstep show (don’t forget your earplugs!)
For what it’s worth, I think it’s more sensitive the first few months you get it, though, and a heavier one is more likely to have good hands-free effects I think.
If you want people making nice noises, try the BeautifulAgony website.. user submitted works every time for me. ;)
Oh, me-oh-my, what a great crop of confessionals!
Men making noise: HUGE turn-on for me. I had to make it very clear to my man, way back in the day, that I love male vocalisation, and he’s been wonderful about letting go and showing me, audibly, how much he’s enjoying myself during sex.
Clit piercing: Still thinking about it, eight years on. To those more wise than I, I have a question: Can I still ride a bicycle with a hood piercing?
1. i am indeed a clitoris-having person!
2. i have an 8g “christina” piercing, otherwise known as a “vertical pubic mound piercing.” basically, christinas : labia majora :: vertical hood piercing : labia minora. (here’s the bme wiki page with drawings of female genital piercings: http://wiki.bmezine.com/index.php/Category:Female_Genital_Piercings, and they link to actual photos. obviously nsfw!) i had a 16g first, but it rejected, which i was kind of expecting given the… uh… stress it was under, so i had it done again deeper and with a bigger gauge.
3. hey, why not? >:D it hurt like a sonofabitch when i had it done, and then i was kind of sore for a couple of days, but nothing an ice pack couldn’t help with, and it has been SO WORTH IT.
4. i am very fond of “zebra” by the john butler trio.
Re guys not making noise; I think it combines a few things.
1) image of male stoicism
2) we learned not to make noise as children while masturbating at home with our families
3) a dominant thing, conventional sex casts the male as slightly dominiant and he feels more dominant if he doesn’t admit how much she’s doing for him
4) also, there’s a vicious cycle with porn; men don’t make noise because they don’t make noise in porn, men don’t make noise in porn because men don’t make noise.
I trained myself to make noise years ago, because I love the noises my partners make and I figured probably they’d enjoy hearing noises from me too. (in my very limited experience, yes they do, a lot.) At first it feels a little artificial; but it’s like saying “thank you” when someone gives you a gift. Perhaps you have to think about it when you first learned, like when you were taught to say thank you as a child, but it will become natural.
Good sex involves communication. It’s a feedback loop of interaction. Guys – If your partner does something you like, make a little noise, give some feedback. Moany groany noises encourage the play that causes the noises. Pretty simple way of letting your partner know how best to help please you…
@abby Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Thank you for the info! I might still be too chickenshit, but this might be something I’m going to start fixating on.